Every Step That I Retrace
by Leonhart17
Summary: *COMPLETE* Willow's recovery doesn't go as well as they had all hoped...can she find her way back to her normal life, to Tara, without the benefit of her memories? AU Season 6
1. Chapter 1

Notes: AU, set after 'Wrecked' sometime, Tara has been gone from the Summers' house for about two weeks, but Willow hasn't hit rock bottom yet, almost killing Dawn didn't snap her out of it... fic begins in early November...

New updates will be posted on Sundays... oh and the title is taken from the Mozella song "Going Home" - don't own it or BtVS...so don't sue me...

Also, and very important, this story would not exist without tons of help from Carebeartwitfangs - Thanks so much for helping me out and reading draft after draft of this - I appreciate it a lot.

* * *

The girl woke up slowly, hearing loud voices talking about trees somewhere nearby. She opened her eyes, squinting in the brightness and swallowed, her throat feeling scratchy as she did so. It was when she went to move her arms that she received her first surprise. Both wrists were strapped to the bed with thick, padded straps.

"Hey," she called weakly, her voice rough from lack of use. To her surprise the entreaty actually worked and she heard a door open, a worried face quickly coming into her view.

"Wil…" The new arrival stopped herself, visibly forcing herself to be calm. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

The girl in the bed pulled against her restraints weakly and the new girl quickly turned her head to talk to someone outside the room.

"Giles, get someone in here _**now**_ to get her out of these things," the new girl said, sounding surprisingly authoritative. She looked back down at the girl in the bed. "You've been out for a few days. I'll get you some water."

She stepped out of view and something inside the girl on the bed grew suddenly anxious. She didn't know what it was, but something about the blonde girl was comforting. She was only gone for a moment and the girl felt herself relax as soon as the other girl came back. There was some noise and she felt the bed underneath her start to fold itself so that she was sitting upright. The girl waited for her nod to stop the bed, leaving her sitting at a comfortable angle. The new girl dropped the remote for the bed and picked up a glass of water from the small table beside the bed, holding it up to her lips for her to drink. She was very careful not to tilt it too quickly and took it away as the last drop slid down the restrained girl's throat.

"More?" she asked gently and the girl nodded, catching sight of her own red hair as it swung into her face as she moved. She started to move her hand to brush it back but the restraints pulled her up short. The new girl refilled the glass, hearing the girl in the bed trying to blow the hair out of her face with no success. The girl reached one hand out slowly, stopping just short of touching the restrained girl. "Can I?" The girl in the bed nodded and her helper gently brushed the hair out of her face, tucking it almost tenderly behind her ear.

The girl in the bed sucked in a surprised breath as she felt energy crackle between them as soon as the other girl touched her. Her eyes shot to the other girl's face, but the helpful girl had her eyes closed, her brow furrowed, almost as if she was in pain. The girl in the bed took a moment to study her, struggling to remember if she knew her. She seemed familiar, but the girl in the bed couldn't think of a name to match with the face. And it was quite the face. The girl was beautiful, deep blue eyes and long hair that had once been dyed a lighter shade of blonde but was now almost completely back to it natural shade of very dark blonde, almost brunette.

"Are you okay?" the girl in the bed asked after a moment. The blue eyes snapped open at the sound of her voice and she was surprised to see tears welling up in the eyes.

The girl nodded, swallowing thickly. "Yes, I'm okay. Sorry." Any more questions were delayed as she lifted the glass of water back to the girl in the bed. "Drink," she said quietly, glancing at the door as a new woman came in, an older man following her in.

"Can we talk to you outside?" he asked quietly, his eyes lingering on the girl in the bed. He had a British accent and was wearing glasses and a tweed jacket. The girl in the bed studied him for a moment, but was unable to place who he was.

The woman who'd come in moved to the opposite side of the bed from the helpful blonde and gently undid the restraint on the girl's left arm. The blonde had to step back as the woman came around to the right side and released the other arm. The redhead craned her head to keep her eyes on the blonde girl, the blue eyes never moving off of her either. The woman finished with the restraints and left the room quietly, squeezing the older man's shoulder as she moved out.

The blonde stepped back up beside the bed, wringing her hands to keep herself from reaching out and touching the marks the restraints had left on the other girl's pale skin.

"I need to step outside and talk to some people for a second. Will you be okay in here? I won't be gone long, I promise," the blonde said, her voice sounding choked.

The redhead glanced between the girl at her bedside and the man lingering by the door. "Okay," she said doubtfully. "Just for a few minutes?"

The blonde nodded quickly. "I promise." There were tears burning behind her eyes but she blinked furiously to keep them back. The girl in the bed nodded and the pair of people left, the blonde girl giving her one last lingering look over her shoulder as she hesitated in the doorway.

"What's your name?" the girl in the bed asked, unwilling to let her leave without knowing at least that much.

The blonde girl's eyes slid closed, tears finally falling. "It's Tara," she said quietly, turning away and closing the door gently behind her.

* * *

**Two Weeks Earlier**

Tara was in her dorm room, unused for so many months, the one she'd gotten only to keep her scholarship, struggling to unpack when there was a quiet knock on her door. Pushing the box she'd been going through out of her way, she went to the door, unsurprised to see Buffy and Xander on the other side. She opened the door wider, stepping out of the doorframe. "Come on in," she invited them in. She'd moved out of the Summers' house two weeks ago, but stayed in daily contact with Buffy, Xander, and Dawn.

They exchanged hugs and entered, glancing around the room. There was a picture frame overturned on the dresser and Buffy took in a deep breath, meeting Tara's gaze. "She's not here, is she?"

Tara shook her head, frowning. "No, I haven't seen her…since I left." She looked at the pair, suddenly anxious. "Oh God. What happened? Is she okay? Where is she?"

Xander stepped forward, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Tara, shh. We don't know where she is. She didn't come home last night. We were hoping she'd come here."

Tara shook her head rapidly. "Oh God." She closed her eyes, tears threatening. "I've got to go look for her."

Buffy sighed. "We've been looking. This was kind of our last hope."

Tara dropped to sit on her bed, suddenly weak. She looked up at her friends, her fear obvious in her eyes. "We have to find her. Before…"

Xander nodded as Buffy sat down on the bed next to the witch. "We will Tara. We won't let her get any further away from us. We'll get her back."

They all looked up in surprise as there was another knock on the door. Xander went to open it, Tara and Buffy getting to their feet behind him. He opened the door and stepped back, a look of surprise and disgust on his face. "What do you want Amy?" he asked brusquely, crossing his arms over his chest.

The witch scowled at him, wobbling unsteadily on her feet. "I'm not here to see you, that's for sure."

Buffy glared at her from Tara's side. "I told you to stay away from us. What are you doing here?"

The strung out witch pointed at Tara, her hands shaking. "I came for her. She needs to come with me."

Tara glanced at Buffy in surprise before her gaze went back to look suspiciously at the other witch. "Why would I do that?"

"It's about Willow," Amy said, leaning on the doorframe heavily.

Tara was across the room in a second, shoving Amy roughly against the wall on the other side of the hallway. "Where is she?" she demanded furiously. The other witch's head was lolling from side to side and Tara forced her head up roughly with one hand. "Tell me," she ordered, surprised by the strength of her sudden anger, her fear for the woman she loved overpowering her normally mild temper.

Buffy and Xander quickly rushed into the hallway, stunned by Tara's reaction. "Tara," Buffy said, trying to calm her down. "She'll tell us, just relax."

Amy was blinking blearily at them, her mouth hanging open. "Yeah, what she said. I'll tell you."

"You shut up unless it's about Willow," Xander ordered, waving Tara's more curious dorm mates back as heads popped out of doorways down the hall.

Buffy slowly loosened Tara's fingers from their tight grip on the front of Amy's shirt. "It'll be okay." She pulled Tara back from Amy and Xander pulled the other witch into Tara's dorm by the back of her shirt. Buffy led Tara back into the dorm with them, kicking the door shut behind her. "Now, tell us where Willow is," the Slayer said, looking at the witch seriously.

Amy glanced between the three scowling Scoobies and let out a deep breath. "She's at Rack's. She's in a bad way." Her gaze shifted to Tara. "She's calling for you. He can't get her to stop. Your name is all she'll say." She grimaced. "Actually, she's been screaming it."

Tara let out a sob, both hands coming up to cover her mouth and Xander shook Amy roughly to shut her up. The witch didn't take the hint and let out a laugh. "It's been really annoying, actually."

Buffy caught Tara as the enraged witch lunged at the other girl, the Slayer quickly wrapping her crying friend up in a tight embrace. Xander stepped in between the two witches in case Tara got away from Buffy, scowling furiously at Amy.

"Take us there," Buffy said, her own rage and anxiety barely contained. "It's about time I have a talk with Rack."

They stepped through the barrier into Rack's house a short time later and could instantly hear Willow's screams from the other side of the door. Amy was wobbling on her feet and Xander pushed her onto the couch, pointing at her firmly to stay still. She just nodded, putting both hands over her ears and sliding down onto her side on the dirty couch.

Buffy kicked the door straight off its hinges, leading the way into Rack's back room. The dealer was lounging on his sofa, a dark haired young woman kneeling at his feet as he sent magic coursing through her. She barely reacted as the Slayer pulled her away, only protesting as she was shoved unceremoniously back into the lobby. The dealer stood up slowly, looming over Buffy.

"You must be the Slayer," he said, smirking as he ran his eyes over her. "Very nice of you to visit." He pursed his lips. "Not so nice to throw my customers out on their asses, but I've heard you're not very…delicate." He reached up to run the back of his hand over her cheek. "Not the way good girls should be." She twitched away from his touch, shoving him back onto his couch.

"You don't touch me," she said plainly. "Next time you try, I'll kill you."

He shrugged, straightening his vest. "You're here about my dear Strawberry, I assume."

Buffy looked around the room, unable to see Willow anywhere, while the volume of her screaming was making it difficult to tell where it was coming from. "Where is she?"

The dealer pointed up at the ceiling and they all gasped as they saw the state of their friend. She was dirty and her clothes were torn, dried blood on her ears and neck. Her body was pinned to the ceiling and her head was rolling from side to side, a steady, repeating scream of Tara's name coming from her mouth.

"I'd just as soon let you take her out of here. She was getting in the way on the floor, sobbing and screaming like she is. Some of the customers were tripping over her." He shook his head, feigning sadness. "She was getting kicked like a dog." He glanced up at the girl on his ceiling. "Not that she felt it, the state she's in."

Buffy had to catch Xander this time as the young man lunged forward. The Slayer shoved him back, shaking her head. Tara lost her strength and collapsed to the floor, crying as she stared up at the girl she loved. Buffy pushed Xander back again as he repeated his attempt to get to the dealer. "Xander, get Tara," Buffy ordered. "Take her out of here. I'll get Willow." She waited until he nodded before she released him.

He crouched down next to the sobbing witch, lifting her into his arms and carrying her outside, her face buried in his chest. Buffy watched them go before turning back to Rack. "Get her down."

The dealer flicked his wrist absently and Willow's body crashed hard to the floor. Buffy jumped forward, punching him hard in the face. "Every injury she has, I'm coming back here and giving to you," she said angrily, hitting him again.

He eyed her, annoyed, as he wiggled his nose back and forth. "I think you broke it," he complained.

She punched him again. "I'll do worse when I get back. Every bruise she has, you'll get, every drop of blood she's lost, you'll lose it too, every bone that's broken, I'll break yours."

He sighed dramatically, wiping blood off his lips gingerly. "Fine." He gestured again and Willow's bruises faded, some of the color slowly coming back to her face. "Satisfied?" he asked.

Buffy scowled, punching him again. "No. If I ever hear anything about you again, if you ever try and contact Willow again, I'll find you and I'll kill you." She let him go, stepping back. "Leave town. Now." She lifted Willow carefully into her arms and turned her back on the magic dealer, stepping over the customer she'd thrown out as the girl crawled back into the back room.

Rack watched her go, reaching out absently to stroke his customer's head as he stared after the Slayer.

Tara started fighting to get out of Xander's hold as soon as Buffy appeared with Willow cradled in her arms. The redhead was still screaming deliriously and Xander glanced around the alley uneasily as he let the blonde witch go.

"That's going to draw every vamp in town," he commented, raising his voice to be heard over Willow's screams.

Buffy sighed, nodding. "Can you take her? I'm going to need my hands free if we get attacked."

Xander nodded back. "Of course." They gently transferred the witch to his arms and he looked around again. "Where are we going? Home?"

Buffy shook her head. "Hospital. She's hurt. Rack fixed some of it, I think, but I don't trust him. We need to make sure she's okay." She turned her gaze to the blonde witch. "Tara? Are you going to be able to make it to the hospital?"

Tara didn't take her eyes off of Willow, but nodded, one hand reaching up to touch Willow's hair gently. They were all surprised when the redhead's screams immediately stopped. Her eyes were closed and it looked like she was sleeping, the hitches in her breathing the only sign that she wasn't unconscious. Xander and Buffy both looked at Tara.

"Are you doing something?" Xander asked, confused.

She shook her head, confused herself. "No. I just touched her, that's all."

Buffy frowned thoughtfully. "Take your hand back." She did so and the screams started up immediately and she put her hand quickly back on her lover's head. The Slayer looked at them for a long moment. "Can you keep a hand on her the whole way to the hospital?"

Tara nodded. "Yeah."

"Great. Let's go then," Buffy said, leading the way out of the alley.

They waited for two hours at the hospital, the Sunnydale ER busy as usual. Buffy left for a few minutes to call Giles and rejoined her friends shortly, dropping into a chair next to Tara. Xander had Willow in his lap and the blonde was sitting next to them, keeping one hand stroking gently through the other girl's red hair.

"Giles wants us to bring her there if we can make it. He thinks there's a coven in England that can help us," Buffy said, watching Willow anxiously. Tara nodded, not speaking. "Do you guys think she can hear us?"

Xander shrugged, looking down at his best friend worriedly. "She's not asleep or unconscious, but we have no idea what Rack did to her." He swallowed back sudden emotion. "Or what she's done to herself."

Tara blinked back tears, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of Willow's head. "I love you Willow," she breathed. "If you can hear me, I'm so sorry and I love you. I love you so much." Her voice choked up as her tears escaped. "Come back to me. Please."

Xander exchanged a teary glance with Buffy, swallowing thickly. "I'm sure she heard you Tara," he said quietly, choking up himself. "She knows."

Just then the nurse ushered them into a room and Tara hurriedly wiped at her tears with her free hand, keeping the other one on Willow as Xander carried her carefully into the exam room.

It was tricky to manage, but Tara kept a hand on Willow throughout the entire examination. The doctor said that the redhead showed some signs of injuries, but that they were healing well which let everyone breathe a sigh of relief that Rack had actually done something to help them. The doctor said that they were free to take her home and they did so as quickly as they could, Buffy calling Dawn to drive over and get them, despite the late hour and Dawn's lack of legal driver's license.

Xander drove home while Tara held the unresponsive redhead in her lap and Buffy called the airport. Dawn was in the back seat with the witches and stayed quiet, scared of the seriousness the others were displaying. Tara kept Willow close, leaning her head against the red hair she loved so much, quietly murmuring to her love the whole ride home. Buffy went upstairs to pack clothes for herself and Willow while Xander drove home to get his own bag packed.

When she was finished, she pulled her sister into the front room of their house from where the younger girl had been watching the witches on the couch. "Dawn I have to leave you here. At least for a few days. We can't afford for you to miss school. I'll be home in a few days or we'll find a way for you to come visit." She looked seriously at her sister. "You understand?"

The younger girl nodded unwillingly, but sensed that this was not the time to argue with her sister.

"Good. I'll stop by Spike's on my way out of town and make sure he comes to stay with you. Don't go out on your own," Buffy ordered, hugging her sister. "Unless it's to school," she added, pointing at her sister threateningly.

Dawn rolled her eyes, smirking. "I've got it. In bed by midnight, no junk food after dinner, don't skip school, and don't go out after dark," she recited. "It's the same rules every time you go outside to get the mail Buffy." The Slayer had the grace to look sheepish, hugging her younger sister.

"Fine, I know you know the rules. Just be good until I get back. I can't handle anything going wrong here while Willow's still…"

Dawn nodded, her smirk dropping into a serious expression. "Call me as soon as you know anything, okay?"

Buffy nodded, glancing into the living room where Tara was holding Willow on the couch. "We will."

Xander pulled back into the driveway, honking the horn, and they drove to Tara's dorm so she could pack her own bag, directing Buffy around the room while she held Willow on her bed. Finally, they were ready to go and they stopped at Spike's crypt on their way to the airport, filling him in on the situation in a rush.

Willow stayed sedate as long as Tara was touching her so they leaned her against the blonde and the late night security team at the airport went with the explanation that the girl was merely very tired, having seen enough in Sunnydale to know not to question things like that too much.

Giles met them at the airport when they finally landed in London the next day, the tired group quiet as they drove out of town and into the countryside, finally pulling up at a large stone farmhouse several hours later. Xander took Willow from Tara as they climbed out of the car, the blonde careful not to let her hand slip off of Willow.

Giles led the way inside, nodding to several women they passed in the hallway. They reached their destination and Xander carefully put the redheaded witch into a motorized hospital bed, stepping carefully back while avoiding Tara's arm. They all stared down at Willow for a long moment before Giles spoke up, looking around the room at his young friends.

"The coven is on their way to examine her." He stepped up to the other side of the bed from Tara and the blonde looked up at him slowly. "We'll have to leave her when they get here," he said gently. Tara just shook her head firmly in response, not speaking. "Tara, I know this is difficult, unbearable even, but we must talk about some things, and the coven will need room to work."

"For Willow, so we can get her back," Buffy added, touching the blonde witch gently on the back.

Tara glanced over her shoulder at her friend and let out a deep breath. "Okay. For a little while." A shudder ran down her spine. "I can't bear to hear her scream like that," she said quietly.

Just then the witches of the coven came in and Giles met Tara's eyes across the bed, his heart breaking for the witch. "I'm sorry Tara. You have to let her go, just for now. We must talk."

The blonde nodded, squeezing Willow's hand and leaning over to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I love you Willow. I'm so sorry," she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks as she pressed another kiss to her cheek, pulling back slowly.

Tara stepped back reluctantly, slowly releasing Willow's hand. There was a brief moment of quiet and then the redhead was whimpering, her mouth dropping open to scream Tara's name.

The blonde stared in horror as Willow started thrashing on the bed, screaming nonstop, her breathing raspy. Buffy and Xander snapped themselves out of their own horror to pull Tara from the room, the blonde fighting to get back to her lover's side.

"She needs me," Tara said anxiously, trying to force her way back into the room. Buffy wrapped her in a tight hug, pulling her away from the door.

"She does. Of course she does," she assured her friend. "But Tara, you can't help her right now. We have to let the coven help her." She pulled them farther from the door, trying to get out of hearing range of the awful screams that were echoing dimly through the door. Tara finally stopped fighting, leaning against Buffy as tears streamed down her face. "I know Tara, I know. I'm so sorry," Buffy breathed.

Giles led them into another room, a library by the look of the walls, all sides covered in book filled shelves. The Watcher poured them all some tea and they sat down in thick red leather armchairs. Tara couldn't stop anxiously staring at the door, twitching every time there was some noise outside the room.

"I told them where we were going. They'll come if there's any change," Giles assured her, trying to calm her down. "In the meantime, perhaps someone could tell me what's happened to her. She wasn't this bad when I left."

"She's addicted. She's been going to this black magic dealer, Rack," Buffy said. "She didn't come home, so we went looking for her. Amy showed up at Tara's door yesterday and told us where to find her."

"What's wrong with her Giles?" Xander asked, looking at the older man. "Why's she screaming like that?"

"And why does she only stop when Tara touches her?" Buffy added.

Giles shook his head. "I don't know. We'll need to figure out what spells she's been doing with this magic dealer and reverse them if we can. We'll have to wait on the coven's recommendations on how to proceed."

"I shouldn't have left her," Tara whispered brokenly, staring at the floor. "If I'd stayed she wouldn't have gone to him. She wouldn't be like…this."

Buffy shook her head, frowning. "Look at me Tara. This isn't your fault. You did what you had to do. She's made some really bad decisions, but she made them. Of course we love her and we're going to do absolutely everything we have to do to make sure she's back to normal, but this is _**not **_your fault. Understand?"

The blonde witch nodded, wincing as they heard another scream. Buffy eyed her sympathetically. "Do you think you could sleep?"

Tara shook her head. "I haven't slept in two weeks, not really."

The Slayer sighed, nodding. "Okay, but you really should rest. It won't do us any good if Willow gets better and you're sick from exhaustion."

"I'll rest once I can see Willow again," Tara said, meeting the Slayer's gaze with a nod.

"Fair enough." She looked to her Watcher. "How long is this going to take?"

He shrugged, cleaning his glasses. "I don't know. Possibly a few hours, maybe a few days." Tara's head dropped into her hands at the news. "It just depends on what spells they have to undo. It could be tricky."

"Can I help?" Tara asked, looking up at him. "I can't stand just sitting here."

He shook his head regretfully. "I'm sorry Tara. It's better for you to distance yourself from her right now." He cleared his throat. "They've been talking to me about possible treatments for her. I'd like to discuss them with you all."

They nodded and he stood up, pacing uncontrollably. "It all depends on how bad she is, of course, but some of the treatments they've suggested are…quite shocking," he warned them.

"I won't let anyone hurt her," Tara said seriously.

"Oh, I know that. Neither will I. Of course not. No," he said firmly. "It's just…the most promising treatment would involve…blocking her memories."

"What? So she wouldn't remember us?" Xander asked, looking at Giles in surprise. "You can't do that!"

Buffy nodded her agreement and Tara's jaw dropped, tears welling up in her eyes. "What benefit would there be to that?" she asked, forcing herself to stay calm.

Giles was still pacing. "If they can get the dark magic she's been using undone, blocking her memories while she was here with the coven would give her a chance to start over with her magical training. She was learning everything on her own until she met you Tara, and she's never learned to treasure the balance between dark and light that is the key to using her power properly. It's the same problem I had as a young man, but I didn't deteriorate so quickly as Willow has done."

Tara took a deep breath. "But when would she get her memories back?"

He met her gaze seriously. "After she's completed her training here with the coven. How fast depends entirely on her." He smiled cautiously. "She's always been a quick study, as you know."

Tara nodded without smiling back. "What are the other treatments?"


	2. Chapter 2

Posting early because it's my dad's birthday tomorrow and I'm going to be busy...

* * *

The second the coven opened the door to Willow's room, Tara was inside, rushing to her lover's bedside. The redhead looked calm and appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Her arms were strapped to the bed on either side and Tara reached out to undo them without pausing. One of the coven witches pulled her back immediately, shaking her head.

"No. You can't touch her," the old woman said sternly.

Tara's jaw dropped. "What? Why not?" she demanded, her voice harsh in her own ears, but she was unable to temper her reaction, her fear for Willow overriding everything else.

The old woman held a hand out and lowered it slowly until it was a few millimeters from Willow's skin. Suddenly there was a loud pop and Willow's back arched, her mouth falling open in a loud groan. Tara pulled the old woman back in a rush. "What did you do to her? Giles said you wouldn't hurt her," Tara demanded.

The old woman shook her head again, lifting her hand up so Tara could see it. The skin was blistered, red and raw, almost burned looking. "I didn't do it to her. She did it to herself, and to me. There is still much dark energy inside of her. It will take more time to expel it completely. Until then she must be restrained, for her own safety." The old woman reached over and carefully lifted the bottom edge of Willow's shirt, cautious not to touch her skin. Tara gasped involuntarily at the sight. Willow's stomach was covered in the red welts, large patches of her skin red and sore. "She was thrashing around a lot. Her arms look worse," the woman said, gently putting the shirt back down.

"Is she in pain?" Tara asked, staring down at the woman she loved.

The old woman shook her head. "If she is, it's very little. We've got her sedated. A healer will come by in a few minutes to do what she can." She looked at the upset blonde girl kindly, touching her gently on the arm. "We'll all do what we can. She's a strong girl."

Tara nodded, tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at the woman in the bed. "That's my girl," she murmured, her voice soft and sad, her eyes no longer seeing anything but Willow. The old woman squeezed her arm gently and moved out of the room, leaving her alone with Willow. Tara stepped up close to the bed, wrapping a hand around the railing on the bed to keep herself from touching the unconscious girl. Her other hand came up to cover her mouth, a sob escaping uncontrollably.

Xander and Buffy came in a moment later and Buffy pulled Tara into a hug, the witch breaking down into sobs against her shoulder.

"How is she doing?" Xander asked quietly, looking down at Willow with a pained expression on his face.

Tara choked back her tears after a moment. "They haven't undone all of the spells yet. We can't touch her."

Buffy sighed, looking over Tara's shoulder at the bed. "I'm so sorry Tara. Did they say when they would be able to wake her up?"

The witch shook her head, struggling to control her tears. "No, they just said that they had more to do. And she showed me what happens if anyone touches Willow."

"She calmed down when you touched her before, maybe it would work the same way," Xander suggested, trying to be hopeful.

Tara shook her head, pulling back from Buffy's hug. "If it only hurt me, I'd risk it, but it hurts her too. I can't do that."

He nodded. "But she's not screaming anymore. That's something, at least."

Tara wiped her tears away, grimacing at the sticky feeling on her face. "They're sending a healer to help her." She looked around for a moment. "Where's Giles?"

"Oh, he stopped to talk to one of the witches. He's trying to come up with another treatment for Will. He knows you don't want to do the memory blocking thing," Buffy said, glancing at the door.

Tara shook her head. "I don't know _what_ to do. It feels wrong to take her memories like that." She looked seriously at Buffy and Xander. "I left her for doing the same thing to me."

"It's not exactly the same though," Xander said. "Willow did a horrible thing, don't get me wrong. I understand that. She was trying to control you and that's completely wrong. We're not doing that. We're trying to help her. We want her to get better."

"I know that. It just feels wrong," Tara replied, staring down at the love of her life. "I'd feel better about it if there was some way to ask her."

Buffy put a comforting hand on the other girl's shoulder. "Tara, you know Willow better than anyone, even me or Xander." She looked between the two of them. "There's no one who would know better than you what Willow would want to do. Don't you think she wants to come back to you, to us?"

Tara took a deep breath, crossing her arms over her stomach. "Willow made the decisions that ended her up like this. Maybe she really wanted to end up like this."

"Tara, no! Of course she doesn't." Buffy pulled the witch around to face her, turning the blonde's back on the bed. "Does Willow love you? What do you honestly think?"

Tara nodded. "I know she loves me."

Buffy smiled gently. "Okay, good. And you love her?"

Tara nodded again. "More than anything. But I didn't leave because I didn't love her, or she didn't love me. I left because I couldn't trust her."

"She did a terrible thing to you, I know that, and I cannot imagine how much that hurt you. But if this idea works the way they think it will, we'll get Willow back. The real Willow, the one you fell in love with, not addicted Willow. Now, do you really think she would choose to stay addicted and lose you, or would she rather get help and try and get you back?" Buffy asked, knowing the answer before she even finished the question.

There were tears swimming in Tara's eyes. She blinked and they broke, sliding down her cheeks. "I need her Buffy. I need her to be okay."

The Slayer nodded, tears coming into her own eyes. "I know. She needs you too Tara. More than she ever has before, I imagine." She took a deep breath. "I know it'll be hard, but Giles' plan really does sound like the best way to help her."

Tara nodded. "Give me some time to think about it."

Giles entered just then with the healer. "That's more than reasonable Tara. None of us want to make any rash decisions about Willow's wellbeing." The healer moved up next to the bed, leaning close to Willow's unconscious form. Tara's mouth dropped open to warn the medic not to touch her, but Giles put a hand on her arm. "It's okay. She won't hurt her. And purging the rest of the dark magic will likely take a few days so we have time to discuss the treatments."

Tara swallowed, turning her head to look at the bed. "Does she have to stay tied up like that?"

Giles nodded, giving the girl a sympathetic look. "I'm afraid she does. She could really hurt herself otherwise."

The witch sighed, looking up at Giles. "They really think that this is the best way to help her?"

"Yes, they really do. Willow is in a very bad place. She's been abusing the magic for months. This might be the only way to save her from burning out completely." He gently squeezed the blonde's arm. "And you'll be here to help her, from the beginning this time."

"I know. I just don't like thinking that she won't know us," Tara said quietly. Buffy and Xander joined Tara and Giles, the Slayer sliding an arm around the witch's shoulder.

"We hate it too Tara," Xander agreed. "But it won't be forever. And she'll get to be Willow again."

Tara sighed, glancing at the bed again. "Okay, explain it to me again."

Giles nodded, smiling gently. "If we temporarily block her memories of spells and magic, and allow Willow to train here with the coven, it will only strengthen her powers and her ability to control them, while learning the proper respect for the balances that must be abided by when practicing magic correctly. At the end of the training her memory blocks would be removed and she'll be restored to herself."

Tara shook her head. "It just feels wrong. Why can't she just stay here _with_ her memories and train with the coven?"

"The coven thinks that if her memories are still accessible, the temptation of dark magic will prove too much for her and she'll fall back into dangerous magic," Giles said.

"But what do you think Giles?" Buffy asked. "You think she can do it, right?"

He nodded quietly. "I've learned never to bet against the things Willow will prove herself capable of," he replied seriously, looking at the Slayer. "You yourself are proof of that."

Buffy nodded with a sad smile. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Giles hesitated before he spoke again. "I really think that the coven's idea has merit though. Being free from the temptations and the memories of her mistakes will only help speed her recovery."

"So you think we should do it?" Tara asked, looking up at him seriously.

He nodded slowly. "I do."

She took a deep breath. "Let me think about it for a few days."

Buffy squeezed her in a gentle hug. "Of course. I don't think we should do anything unless we can all agree on it." The others nodded their agreement, turning to watch the healer do her work in silence.

They managed to pull Tara away from Willow's room to force her to eat but she was back in there right after they finished, sitting at her lover's bedside in silence throughout the night. The coven gently forced her out the next morning when they came to continue their work on Willow, and Xander found her pacing in front of the door. He looped an arm through hers and pulled her outside with him.

"Ow," she complained as her eyes watered in the sudden brightness, the first sun she had seen in two days. "Where are we going?" She put her free hand up to shade her eyes.

He shrugged. "We're getting you out of that place. We're going to take a walk and talk about this."

She stayed quiet as they walked down the hill away from the coven's home. Xander didn't say anything else, content to wait for her to start talking. Finally, she couldn't stand being alone with her thoughts and she stopped walking, forcing him to stop with her.

"She's not going to know me, or you, or Buffy, or Giles. She'll forget us."

He nodded, grimacing. "Willow's my best friend. I can't imagine not having her look at me and smile that goofy little smile of hers. It breaks my heart to think that she won't remember me." He sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping. "But it kills me to think of her staying like she is now, or getting deeper in the dark magic."

Tara nodded back, looking down at the grass beneath their feet. "Me too." She looked up at him seriously. "I don't know how to live without her. I was doing the best I could when I left the house, but I can't stand it like this. Do you really think this is the best way to help her?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I've never really been up on all the magical stuff. But I trust Giles. If he says this is the best way to help her, then it is. The coven thinks this will be the fastest way too. And Giles thinks this is safer than some of the other plans they came up with. I think we should trust him."

He looked her in the eye as he cleared his throat. "But as much as I trust Giles, even more than that, I trust how you feel about my best friend. If you think this plan will help, I'll go along with it. Because I know that you love Will. You love her so much that, no matter what she did to hurt you, you're still here with her, protecting her and taking care of her. You wouldn't let anyone do anything to hurt her."

Tara swallowed tears back thickly, nodding again. "I never would."

He hugged her gently. "What do you think we should do?"

She shrugged with a sigh. "I don't know yet." His arms were still around her and she let herself lean against him, weary in a way she'd never been before.

"You should get some sleep," he commented, one hand rubbing her back gently.

Tara shrugged again. "I think I dozed a little last night. I'm fine."

Xander pulled back to look her in the face. "Buffy was right you know, we need you _**and**_ Will healthy. She's going to need your help."

Tara cracked a tiny smile. "Thank God Willow never taught you the resolve face or I'd be asleep already."

He grinned back at her, relieved to see her smile. "Well, I can try," he offered, starting to attempt to duplicate the resolve face.

She stopped him quickly with a hand on his chest, her smile fading. "Please don't. I just…"

He nodded, putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to lean her head against his chest. "I know. It's just too much. Sorry." He leaned his head against hers. "But soon she'll be back to normal and giving us the resolve face like a pro," he said confidently.

She breathed heavily against his shirt. "You promise?" she asked quietly, allowing herself a moment to hope that everything could turn out alright.

He nodded firmly. "Of course. It's Willow. And it's you. And it's _**us." **_He squeezed her gently. "Will would move heaven and earth to be with you Tara."

Tara blinked back tears, keeping her face pressed to his shirt. "She doesn't have to come back to me, I just need her to come back."

"You do want her back though, right?" Xander asked gently.

Tara nodded against him. "I do. I'm trying not to expect anything though, it's better for my sanity that way."

He sighed, hugging her again. "Even without her memories, Willow will still know you Tara. You two are in each other's souls."

She sucked in a deep breath. "I guess we'll see, won't we?" she said, pulling back to look at him with a teary smile.

He nodded, leaning forward to hug her again. "It's going to be okay. She'll be okay."

"I know." She leaned against him again. "Thanks Xander."

The coven took another two days to expel the majority of the dark magic from Willow's unconscious body and Tara was at her bedside constantly except for the few short hours everyday when Buffy and Xander would force her to sleep. The redhead didn't wake up, but was no longer hurt by physical contact and Tara kept a steady hold of her lover's hand as she sat and watched over her.

They were alone before dawn on the eighth day since they'd arrived in England and Tara was reading a book quietly, the lampshade turned to keep the light off of Willow's face. It was the first night that the coven had left Willow without sedating her. Tara looked up from her book at an unexpected noise from the bed to see Willow moving on her own for the first time in days.

"Willow?" Tara spoke as she put her book down and leaned forward. The redhead moved, turning towards her voice and Tara squeezed her hand gently. "I'm right here sweetie. Come back to me, please." Her voice grew choked as tears came in a rush and she pressed gentle kisses to the back of Willow's hand.

Willow's eyes were moving under her eyelids, but didn't open and Tara's free hand brushed hair back from her face, surprised when Willow's head pressed up into her touch, head turning to follow her hand.

"Will?" she questioned, surprised to see tears squeezing out of the redhead's eyes in the dim light. "Wake up baby, please."

Willow's mouth opened a sliver and Tara's breath left in a rush. At first there was just a gentle breath and the redhead inhaled deeply. "Tara, you have to…" Her voice faded until it was beyond hearing and she tried again. "Tara, you can't…" Tara squeezed her hand, holding her breath so she wouldn't miss anything.

"…please kill me."

When the words came, they echoed in Tara's ears and she gasped loudly, feeling the blood rush out of her face.

"You have to let them kill me," Willow breathed again, turning her head away from Tara.

The blonde shook her head, knowing the other girl couldn't see it. "Willow, no! I'd never let anyone kill you." Her voice was at normal speaking volume and she felt the darkness of the room close in around her. "You're not going to die sweetie."

Suddenly Willow's back arched and she choked, coughing. She started thrashing on the bed, red stains suddenly appearing on the sheets as she coughed up blood. Tara jumped to hold her arms down and the door burst open behind her a moment later, witches from the coven rushing in. They pushed her back and quickly strapped the coughing redhead to the bed. Buffy ran in a moment later, seeing Tara standing to the side with both hands covering her mouth, blood splattered across her arms and her shirt.

The Slayer pulled her back from the bed, eyeing the activity anxiously. "Tara, what happened? What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know," the blonde sobbed behind her hands. "She told me to kill her."

Buffy's eyes widened. "She told you? She woke up?"

Tara shook her head. "I don't know. I don't think so. She started moving and she responded when I touched her, but her eyes didn't open at all and all she said was that I should let them kill her." She took a shuddering breath. "And then she started coughing and thrashing around and there's blood…" She turned her head to look at the bed. "She can't die Buffy!"

The Slayer shook her head. "She's not going to die Tara." Even as she said it, she hoped she wasn't a liar, watching the frantic commotion around the bed. She pulled the witch's hands down, leading her gently out into the hallway. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up and we'll come right back."

Tara looked down in surprise, shocked to see splatters of Willow's blood across the front of her shirt and on her arms. She choked back a sob and Buffy slipped an arm across her shoulders. Xander skidded to a stop in front of them, staring at Tara in horror. Giles was right behind him and hesitated at the sight of the girls.

Buffy shook her head, nodding back toward Willow's room. "Help them. She's…I don't know what's happening, but get in there."

Her Watcher nodded, rushing past them to join the coven. Xander's gaze shifted to Buffy, his jaw dropping. "Come with us," Buffy said, leading the way back to the room she'd been staying in. Tara had a bed in there also, but it was only used when the others forced her to rest. Buffy sat her gently at the edge of the bed and went to run a wash cloth through warm water. She gently wiped the blood away from her friend's arms, sitting on the bed next to her. "Do you want to change your shirt?" she asked gently.

Tara blinked, looking down at her shirt before she nodded. Buffy got her a new one from her duffle bag and pushed her gently towards the bathroom to change. Buffy and Xander exchanged worried looks, but neither said anything until Tara returned, seating herself on the edge of the bed again.

"What happened?" Xander asked. "How's Willow?"

Buffy looked up at him, a serious look on her face. "Coughing up blood." She glanced at Tara. "She told Tara to kill her."

His jaw dropped. "No way! Why would she say that?" Giles came in slowly before anyone could say anything and Tara and Buffy came to their feet.

"Giles?" Buffy asked, scared to put her fears into words.

He took his glasses off, cleaning them slowly, not meeting their eyes. "She's alive, but not doing well. They've got her stabilized, at least."

"What happened? I thought she was doing better?" Xander asked, frowning.

He sighed. "It was an attack."

"Who did it?" Buffy asked, a dangerous anger in her voice.

He shook his head. "We don't know yet. The coven think it is likely the result of the trace remnants of dark magic still within her. She went too far into the black magic for them to expel all of it."

"Is she going to be okay?" Tara asked, trying to keep herself from collapsing. "Can we see her?"

Giles nodded. "You can see her." He took a deep breath. "The coven have told me that this attack means we should decide on a treatment sooner rather than later. They're likely to keep coming the longer we wait."

Buffy and Xander nodded, both looking to Tara. She sighed, looking back at them for a long moment, putting both hands up. "I know, I know…I just don't know." She looked at Giles. "What caused the attack?"

"The dark magic she's been using has left her body vulnerable to attacks like this. The coven is confident that once she's conscious again the attacks will stop."

Tara frowned. "So she wasn't awake…"

"Wasn't awake when?" Giles asked.

"She was talking to me, right before." The witch felt tears coming again and swallowed them back. "She told me to kill her."

He blinked, surprised, and shook his head. "It's possible she was trying to tell you precisely that, but I doubt that she was really awake. The coven told me that the attack would have been impossible had she been conscious. Her magic would have repelled it."

Tara sank back onto the bed, her knees suddenly weak. "Oh God, so she really does want to die."

Buffy shook her head. "Tara, no. She's not going to die, even if she thinks she wants to." She crouched down to look the witch in the face. "She wants to come back to us. You believe that, right?" Tara blinked, finally nodding. Buffy smiled encouragingly. "Good, then what do you think we should do?"

The blonde witch sighed, dropping her head in defeat. "Do it."


	3. Chapter 3

The coven worked quietly while the others watched them from against the wall. Tara was staring at the bed, motionless, while Xander was pacing. Buffy and Giles both had their arms crossed and were leaning against the wall. It took them an hour to step back from the bed, one of the older women walking over to speak with them.

They all looked at the bed in surprise when Willow coughed suddenly. The old woman had only just leaned over Willow before she was calling over her shoulder for the rest of the coven. "Quickly, she's going to…" Her words were cut off as Willow started to spasm violently on the bed. The witches pushed the Scoobies back quickly, working rapidly. Buffy pulled Tara back from the bed as the blonde fought to get to her lover's side.

"Tara! Let them work. We have to let them help her," the Slayer pleaded with her as she pulled the distraught girl away from the bed.

Willow was choking and coughing and Xander pulled Tara around to bury her face in his shirt as they all saw blood fly from the redhead's mouth. They could all hear Willow's hoarse voice as she started screaming.

"KILL ME! TARA! PLEASE!"

Tara fought to get back to her and Xander lost his grip on her and Buffy had to jump forward to pull her back. The Slayer wrapped the struggling witch tightly in a hug and lifted her off her feet, walking them into the hallway.

"Tara, you have to let them help her! We have to stay out here and let them save her," Buffy pleaded with her. She felt Tara's body relax after another minute of struggling and she put her down quickly. The witch was sobbing and Buffy pulled her to lean against her own shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Tara shook her head, crying too hard to speak. Buffy hugged her tighter, swallowing her own worry and fear. After a few minutes Tara's shaking stopped and Buffy steadied her on her feet. "You want to go back in there, or do you want to take a walk?" she asked quietly.

"I have to go back," Tara breathed, looking at the door of the room.

Buffy nodded and slid an arm around the witch's shoulder and led her back into the room. They were both horrified by the amount of blood they could see. Tara couldn't stop herself from gagging, turning away abruptly, one hand coming up to cover her mouth.

"We'll go back out," Buffy said, starting to pull her back to the door. Tara shook her head, straightening up slowly. "You sure?" the Slayer asked uncertainly. The witch nodded, staring at the bed.

When the coven finally finished and backed away from the bed, the Scoobies moved back in. Willow had been strapped to the bed again, but seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Tara couldn't stop herself from leaning over to press gentle kisses across the unconscious girl's face. Buffy watched her sadly with her arms crossed.

"What the hell was that Giles? I thought they weren't going to hurt her," Buffy said, her anxiety making her lash out.

He sighed heavily, cleaning his glasses. "I don't know. It looked to be another attack."

"I thought they were going to stop the attacks," Xander protested.

"I expect it didn't work the way they had anticipated," the Watcher lamented. "Or else the spell went wrong somehow." He looked at Tara. "They need to try again."

She immediately shook her head. "No. No way. You saw what happened to her. They almost killed her!"

"The spell didn't work because of the attack, not through any fault of the coven. If I had to guess, I would say that the spell wasn't completed," Giles said.

"How do we know it won't just happen again?" Buffy asked. "She can't go through that again." It was unclear which of the two witches she was referring to, but her anxiety was obvious.

Giles shook his head. "I'll speak to the coven, but we may have no other choice."

Tara didn't respond, gently touching Willow's sleeping face. The coven had cleaned the blood off of her and if they hadn't seen it themselves they wouldn't have known she had ever been attacked, but she was very pale, her freckles standing out. Giles waited a moment before stepping out of the room, leaving the friends alone.

He came back in a short time later, a serious look on his face. Buffy noted his expression and gently touched Tara on the shoulder to get her attention.

"There's nothing they can do," he started and the three in front of him looked like they were going to be sick and he quickly clarified. "There's nothing they can do, no alternatives, I mean. They must finish the spell they started or the attacks will only get worse."

Tara still didn't speak, just looked at Willow steadily. Buffy looked between the witch and her Watcher. "Is it going to happen again?"

He sighed heavily. "They assure me it won't if they can get the spell finished before she has another attack." Tara looked up at him quickly, shaking her head. "However, her body must recover before they can make another attempt. She'll be kept sedated until then and they'll cast the spell again in two days. In the meantime, the healers will come back in and check on her to make sure she's healing well."

Everyone was surprised when Tara pushed herself back from the bed quickly, walking briskly toward the door, the first time she'd left Willow's side willingly since they'd arrived. "If they have to do it again, I've got two days to find a way to block any attacks. I'll be in the library. Buffy, can you watch her?" She spoke quickly, only briefly hesitating in the doorway for a look back at Willow.

"I'll stay with her. Don't worry," the Slayer assured her.

The witch stared at her unconscious lover for a long moment before she left. The others exchanged looks in silence. Giles shifted his weight back and forth between his feet.

Finally, he pointed over his shoulder towards the door. "If you two are alright to watch over Willow, I feel I'll be of more use helping Tara."

The other two nodded silently, staring at each other as the older man left them alone with their best friend. Xander looked away first, dropping his eyes to look at Willow. "It's going to work," he said quietly, but both of them could hear the doubt hidden in his voice.

The night before the coven was coming back to work their spell again Tara shifted her studies to Willow's room, unwilling to be apart from her any longer. She sent a weary Buffy and Xander back to their rooms, promising to wake them if there was any change. She had the lampshade turned so the light didn't hit the unconscious girl's face, and was reading when she heard Willow's voice in her head. The surprise caused her to jump, her book falling from her lap to the floor.

"_Tara." _The blonde leaned forward to look at Willow carefully, but the girl hadn't moved and Tara picked up her book, muttering to herself about wishful thinking.

"_Tara, no." _The book dropped from her suddenly nerveless fingers.

"Willow? It's you! How?"

"_I don't have time to explain how. I can only get out from under the sedation for a few minutes. I've been trying to reach you since they sedated me again." _Tears were streaming down Tara's face and she leaned forward to press a kiss on her lover's unconscious mouth. _"I felt that baby," _Willow's voice promised her quietly, pausing for a long moment. _"It has to be goodbye Tara." _Tara shook her head immediately.

"No, I won't - I _**can't**_ say goodbye to you Willow. Not like this," Tara objected, squeezing Willow's hand tightly.

"_Tara, I can't go on like this. The magic, it's too strong and I can't…I can't fight it. I'm losing baby."_

"Willow, you can do this. I know you can. You have to!" Tears were running down her face and her heart was pounding.

"_I can't…not anymore. It's too strong. I can't beat it."_

"We're here to help you. Me, and Buffy, and Xander, and Giles. We're all here with you. Please just keep fighting. Baby please," Tara pleaded, her voice cracking.

"_You have to let me go Tara," _Willow said, her own despair obvious in her voice. _"It hurts so much."_

"The coven…tomorrow they're going to block your memories - everything you know about magic. They're hoping giving you a blank slate will give you a chance to start over. Once you're awake, your magic will block the attacks. Will it help? Please Willow, I'll do anything - anything you say, but I can't lose you. Tell me what to do," Tara begged her.

There was a long moment of silence and Tara sobbed bitterly. She choked them back as best she could when she heard Willow's voice take an unnecessary sigh. "Willow? You're still with me? I thought you were gone."

"_It might help," _Willow acceded. _"Oh God baby. Please don't cry over me - I can't take it when you cry. I wish I could touch you Tara. I'm so, so sorry for what I did. Please, I know I don't deserve it, but is there any way you can forgive me?" _Willow asked, her voice broken.

Tara nodded unnecessarily. "Willow, yes. I need you. You can't give up. Please, baby. I need you to come back. I love you so much." Her sobs intensified, her voice quick and frantic. "I love you Willow. Don't leave me."

"_Tara, I'm out of time, but please…I love you baby. More than you'll ever know. Please don't ever forget it, no matter what happens," _Willow said quickly, her voice fading rapidly.

"Willow, no! Stay with me," Tara pleaded, her tears choking her.

"_I love you Tara." _Her voice faded out at the last sound of her lover's name and Tara curled herself into her chair, her face pressed against her knees as she cried.

* * *

The coven had forced them all to wait in the hall while they performed the memory blocking spell on Willow. Tara and Giles had done everything they could to keep Willow safe from any more attacks of dark magic, but both were pacing the corridor anxiously. Buffy and Xander were no better, alternating standing and sitting on the floor, unable to sit still or get comfortable.

Finally, the women left, smiling at the anxious friends. "It's done. She'll be a little fuzzy when she first wakes up, but just be slow with her and she'll pick up more gradually. She won't remember anything about magic, not even its existence." She looked at Buffy. "She also will have no knowledge of Slayers, or vampires, or demons."

Buffy nodded. "Should we tell her?"

The witch shook her head. "I wouldn't. Any really big revelations will only distract her from our goal here." She paused heavily, looking at Tara next. "I'm afraid that means that we're going to have to ask you not to let her know that you have feelings for her."

Everyone's jaws dropped simultaneously. "So, not only will she not know me, I can't tell her that I love her?" Tara asked, dismayed.

"How would you feel if you woke up, couldn't remember anything, and then immediately meet someone who claims to be in love with you that you don't know from Adam?" the well meaning witch asked her kindly.

"Willow won't remember Adam," Xander commented, eyes dropping to his shoes as Buffy glared at him and the coven witch looked at him strangely.

"I wouldn't just dump something like that on her," Tara objected, frowning.

The other witch shook her head. "I've seen how you are with her, I know you wouldn't do anything to scare her or hurt her. But the fact remains that she won't remember you. However, the four of you are very precious to her. We can't take those feelings from her. She won't understand where the feelings are coming from, or why, but she will experience them. To find out that her feelings for you, in particular, are returned, will only distract her," she explained, indicating Tara.

"So she'll trust us?" Giles asked. "Without knowing us?"

The old woman nodded. "It's possible. There's no way to know for sure how strong the remnants will be until she wakes up." She sighed heavily. "Just be careful," she pleaded, meeting each of their eyes before she moved down the hall away from them.

They went into Willow's room quietly. She was sleeping peacefully for the first time since they'd arrived. There was no sedation and Tara immediately took her hand gently. She looked up from looking Willow over carefully as Giles cleared his throat.

"I know you don't want to, but in the event that Willow were to wake up, perhaps you holding her hand isn't the best idea," he said, knowing as he spoke that Tara wouldn't like it. Sure enough, the blonde witch shot him a frustrated glare as she squeezed Willow's hand, defiantly leaning over to press a kiss against her lover's forehead.

"This is ridiculous," she complained as she stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest.

He nodded sympathetically. "I know it's going to be difficult, but you do see why it's necessary, don't you?"

She sighed, turning her head to look at him. "I do. Sorry Giles." He waved her apology away, smiling gently at her. "I don't know if I can do this," she said quietly, looking back at the sleeping girl in the bed. "Maybe it would be easier for her if I just went home."

Willow stirred in her sleep, making a whimpering noise, and Buffy caught Tara's hand as she reached out to soothe the redhead automatically. The Slayer sighed heavily. "Come into the hall Tara. She can't hear this. We need to talk in private."

Tara let the Slayer pull her by the hand into the hallway, Giles and Xander following silently behind them. Giles pulled the door closed and Tara leaned back against the wall beside it, her eyes sliding closed as anxiety threatened to overwhelm her.

"Do you want to leave? Really?" Xander asked, breaking the silence.

Tara shook her head, looking up at him. "No Xander. I just…I love Willow so much, and that girl in there is the farthest that Willow has ever been from me. Even when she wasn't sure how she felt about me, we were still friends. But this Willow…she won't know me. She won't remember anything about me, and I'll have to stand there and smile and I'll remember everything, feel everything…and I can't talk to her about it, can't show her how I feel…"

Buffy nodded, smiling sadly. "I can't imagine how hard that will be for you, but do you really think it will be easier for her to wake up and stay here alone?" Giles cleared his throat and Buffy nodded at him. "I mean alone with Giles." She looked Tara in the eye. "Willow's going to need you Tara. You can do this. I know that you'll do anything for her." Tara nodded wordlessly. "She needs you to do this for her. Xander and I can't help her with magic stuff. Willow needs you Tara. It's going to be really difficult, for both of you, but you can do it."

Tara sighed, pressing a hand against her eyes. "I can't leave her. Not again. I don't want to, really I don't. I just don't know what to do to help her."

"We know Tara," Xander spoke quietly. "None of us know what to expect when she wakes up. We just have to remember that she's Willow, or she will be. She'll come back to us. That's what this is all about."

Tara nodded, head snapping around to look at the door as she heard Willow's voice dimly. She sent a panicked glance to the others, pushing herself off of the wall, one hand already on the doorknob. They all nodded to her, knowing that she needed to go to Willow.

Tara rushed into the room, leaning over the bed, meeting Willow's green eyes as the girl looked around, obviously confused. "Wil…" She stopped herself with an effort. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Willow was awake. Awake and not screaming for death. Tara could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, relief flooding her. She saw Willow pulling against the straps holding her arms down and turned to the door quickly.

"Giles, get someone in here _**now **_to get her out of these things," Tara said, her voice raising. He nodded to her, giving her a sympathetic glance. She looked back at Willow, looking at her carefully, trying not to let herself stare. "You've been out for a few days. I'll get you some water."

She forced herself away from the bed, looking over her shoulder as she walked away, getting the water quickly, not wanting to be gone from Willow's side for long. As she got back she could see the relief in her love's face and had to force herself not to smile, trying to squash her hopes. This wasn't about getting back together with Willow, she reminded herself sternly. This was about getting Willow back to herself. Anything that might happen between them would have to wait until Willow was fully restored, memories as well as magic.

She triggered the remote to sit Willow's bed into an upright position so she wasn't just lying flat on her back and she stopped it at Willow's nod, offering her the water glass. The redhead drank the water thirstily and Tara had to force back a smile as she saw how bright her lover's eyes looked, how much brighter the entire world seemed now that Willow was back among the conscious.

"More?" she asked as Willow swallowed the last of her drink and Willow nodded, hair dropping into her face as she did so. Tara's fingers immediately itched to brush it back, but she forced herself to go to the sink and refill the water glass. She could see the frustration written on her beloved's face when she returned to the bed and couldn't stop herself from reaching out, hesitating right before she touched Willow's face. "Can I?" she asked, unused to having to ask permission to touch her lover. Willow nodded and Tara's fingers slipped into her hair, pushing the stray pieces back behind her ear, thriving on the feel of Willow's cheek under her hand. She felt the familiar energy that always crackled between them and let her eyes slip closed, dimly hearing Willow take a surprised breath.

It was the same every time they touched. There was a rush that passed through both of them and Tara's knees felt weak as she felt the sensation for the first time in weeks. Her eyes snapped open as she heard Willow's voice. "Are you okay?"

Tara nodded, swallowing back the tears she could feel looming behind her eyes. "Yes, I'm okay. I'm sorry." She could see the questions that she knew were swarming her love's mind and put the glass up to stop them from coming. "Drink," she said, looking over at the door as Giles and the old woman came in. The witch shot her a pitying look as she moved across the room to undo Willow's restraints.

Giles watched her for a moment and she could practically feel the sympathy radiating from him. "Can we talk to you outside?" he asked, his eyes moving to Willow. It was obvious that he was trying to give Tara the moment she so clearly needed.

Tara stepped back as the witch came around to undo Willow's other arm, but kept her eyes locked on Willow, her heart beating faster as she noticed Willow leaning her head to keep her green eyes on Tara. She moved back to the bedside immediately as the coven witch left and had to keep herself from tracing the marks left on Willow's arms by the straps.

"I need to step outside and talk to some people for a second. Will you be okay in here? I won't be gone long, I promise," Tara said, her heart clenching at the thought of leaving her lover here alone with no memory, even for a few moments.

Willow looked between Tara and Giles, unsure. "Okay," she said doubtfully. "Just for a few minutes?"

Tara could feel tears coming again and she nodded quickly. "I promise." She saw Willow nod and she held her breath as she turned away from the bed, her eyes closing as soon as she knew Willow wouldn't see. She met Giles' gaze as she opened them, seeing the pity on his face. She joined him at the door but was unable to leave without one look over her shoulder. Willow was staring back at her and her heart skipped a beat, finally breaking as she heard Willow's voice again.

"What's your name?'

Tara felt the tears spill this time, unable to stop them. "It's Tara," she breathed, unsure if her voice was loud enough for Willow to hear her, but unable to muster anything more.

The door closed behind her and she collapsed against it, sliding to the floor and pulling her knees up to her chest, sobs coming before she could stop them. Buffy and Xander dropped to the floor on either side of her, each putting a supportive hand on her shaking shoulders without saying anything. She struggled to calm herself down, not wanting to be gone from Willow for very long. She choked her tears back, wiping her eyes.

She knew they were doing this to help Willow, but the reality of facing a lover who had no memory of her was something she was unprepared for. She could see that something in her was reaching something in Willow, but the girl in the bed had no knowledge of how deep their connection was, of how much she was truly missing.

Tara took a deep breath, looking up at Buffy. "Will she be able to tell I've been crying?"

Buffy bit her lip, shaking her head. "You should be fine. Just don't get too close."

Tara rolled her eyes bitterly. "Yeah, I remember that rule," she said as Giles extended a hand to help her to her feet. She forced a smile to make sure he knew that her frustration wasn't directed at him and he nodded knowingly. Tara squared her shoulders, glancing at Buffy and Xander as they stood up. "You guys ready to meet your best friend?"


	4. Chapter 4

Early update because I'm going to be busy all day tomorrow - enjoy :)

* * *

True to her word, the blonde girl was back in a few minutes with another blonde girl and a dark haired young man. The girl in the bed studied them all for a long moment, starting to feel frustrated by her inability to recognize anyone.

"Tara?" she said, looking up at her as the blonde moved back to her bedside, the other two lingering near the door.

Tara nodded, smiling gently at her. "That's right. I'm back." She gestured behind her. "This is Buffy and Xander, they've come to visit you."

The redhead looked over at them, waving them closer with a smile. "I don't bite," she said encouragingly. "I don't know who anyone is, and I don't know my own name, but I don't bite."

"You're Willow," the boy called Xander said, smiling despite himself.

"Willow?" she questioned. "That's a funny name."

"Willow Rosenberg," Buffy said, glancing at Tara as she supplied the rest of her name.

The redhead nodded, sitting up straighter in her bed. "Okay, so I'm Willow, and this is Tara, and you're Buffy and Xander." She looked at Tara. "Was the British man Giles? I heard you call someone Giles."

She nodded, smiling. "Yes, that's Giles. He'll be in soon, I'm sure. I know you're confused, but we're your friends."

Willow nodded. "I think I knew that. I don't recognize any of you, but I trust you all for some reason." She glanced shyly up at the blonde, smiling tentatively. "We're friends?"

Buffy and Xander moved up on the other side of the bed. "Best friends Will," Xander said. "Er…we call you Will. And we're best friends. All of us."

Willow smiled at him, studying him for a long moment. "Xander," she said, trying the name out. "We all have such funny names." She giggled. "Buffy."

The Slayer rolled her eyes good naturedly. "Yeah, yeah, everybody rag on Buffy. My mom wasn't always a straight laced art dealer, okay?"

Willow grinned at her before turning her head to look up at Tara. "Tara. It's a pretty name."

The blonde blushed, ducking her head so that a curtain of hair fell over her face. Willow reached up and pushed it back without thinking about it. "Don't let it cover your face. I don't like it when you hide like that."

Tara's breath left in a rush and Buffy exchanged a worried glance with Xander. Tara forced herself to smile normally after a moment and Willow looked between the three of them. "Did I say the wrong thing? Are we not that close? I'm sorry. I'm still pretty out of it. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Tara shook her head quickly. "No, it's fine. You didn't do anything wrong."

Willow still looked doubtful. "Are you sure? I don't want to say anything that'll make you stop coming around." She smiled, one hand reaching over to touch Tara's hand. "You make me feel safe. I like having you around." She stopped, blushing. "I just did it again. I keep saying things. I'm sorry."

Tara just shook her head again. "No, sweetie, it's fine." She took a deep breath. "You don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing to me."

"Sweetie?" Willow questioned. "So we are close…were close?"

Tara nodded slowly, mentally berating herself for the slip. "We are."

Buffy cleared her throat, shooting a warning glance to the blonde witch. "Tara's really a sweetheart herself, Will. You'll like spending time with her."

The coven had given them strict directions on what was acceptable to fill the confused girl in on and they had decided that hearing about her relationship with Tara might distract from her magical training. For now, it was better for her not to know and the thought made Tara's stomach churn. How could Willow not know what they meant to each other?

The redhead turned to look at the Slayer. "So are you guys not going to be around?"

Buffy shook her head. "Not for a while. We've got to go home for a little bit. But we'll be back in a week or so to stay with you."

Willow looked over at Tara. "But you're staying, right?"

The blonde nodded firmly. "Yes Will, I'm not leaving."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, so tell me about us. Where's home?"

"Sunnydale, California. Me and you grew up there," Xander answered, grinning. "We met on the first day of kindergarten. You broke the yellow crayon and we've been best friends ever since."

"And we met sophomore year of high school," Buffy added. "Cordelia was being a jerk and we just bonded."

"Cordelia? I remember her. Tall, dark hair, cheerleader, right?"

They exchanged looks before Buffy nodded. "You got it." She elbowed Xander playfully. "She used to date Xander here. She lives in L.A. now, working with a friend of ours."

Willow frowned thoughtfully. "So how come I don't remember that, but I remember everything else about her? How come I only forgot you guys…and myself? What's going on? Where am I?"

"You're in England. You're with friends." Tara bent down so that she was at eye level with Willow. "You trust us right? You know that we're your friends?"

Willow nodded slowly. "Yeah, I know that I trust you, I just don't understand what's going on." Her frustration was obvious in her voice. "Someone, please just tell me what's happening."

Tara exchanged a long look with the other two, nodding. "You're a witch."

Willow's green eyes widened. "I'm a what? Is that some kind of joke?"

"You're a witch," Tara repeated.

Willow just sat there for a long moment. "Okay. So why am I here?" she asked. "And don't think I didn't notice you guys skipping over the memory loss question."

"We can't tell you everything Will," Xander said regretfully.

Willow frowned. "So what _**can**_ you tell me?"

He grinned. "Anything that doesn't relate to magic," he said cheerfully. "You should be able to remember more gradually."

Willow glanced between the three friends she couldn't remember. "So maybe I just shouldn't ask questions. You guys might give something away."

Buffy grinned. "Are you sure you don't remember us?" she asked teasingly. "Well, me and Xander anyways. Tara's much more clever than we are."

Willow smiled up at Tara before shifting her gaze to Buffy. "I didn't mean to insult you or anything Buffy," she apologized.

Xander shook his head with a laugh. "It's no insult. We know how smart you are. You're likely to figure us out even if we _**don't**_ slip up and give anything away."

She grinned at him. "Okay, then what do I need to know?"

Buffy grinned at her best friend, gratified to see her smiling after such a long time of them being too stressed to even consider relaxing. "Well, I'd say, first and foremost, you need to know that we're your best friends and we love you."

Willow nodded, smiling around at them, her eyes lingering on Tara. "I don't remember all the details, but I can feel the feelings. The longer I'm with you, the stronger they're coming back to me."

The others glanced at each other in surprise, Tara's jaw dropping. "What do you feel?" she asked cautiously, forcing herself not to let her hopes rise too high.

Willow noticed the sudden tension and looked at each of them carefully. "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I? I don't get it, am I not supposed to feel anything for you?"

"We're not sure ourselves," Buffy said carefully. "The blocks on your memories are supposed to allow you to train with the coven without distraction."

"And my feelings are a distraction?" Willow asked, frowning thoughtfully.

Tara touched her hand gently, shaking her head. "No, of course not Willow. We just don't want to make things harder for you, that's all."

The redhead smiled up at her. "Well, I do feel…close to all of you." Her voice was cautious, not wanting to stress these people out any more than they obviously were. "Is that okay to say?"

Tara smiled. "Of course. We _**are **_very close." She met Buffy's eyes across the bed and the Slayer shot her a sympathetic look. "All of us," she stressed, giving Buffy a strangled smile.

Willow watched the exchange curiously, but didn't say anything about it. "So I'm here to train with magic?" she asked, trying to get back on topic.

Tara blinked, looking back down at her lover. "Yeah, that's why you're here."

"And you're a witch too?"

Tara nodded slowly, frowning in confusion. "How did you know that?"

Willow shrugged. "They said they were going home, but you were staying. I just assumed."

Xander laughed, pointing a finger at Willow triumphantly. "Told you! She's too smart to ask questions."

Buffy elbowed him, smiling sweetly at him. "And while it's true that Xander and I have zero skills with the magic stuff, we don't want to leave you. I have to get home to check on my sister Dawn. She's fifteen and _**cannot **_be trusted home alone. She told me to tell you that she misses you, by the way." Willow frowned thoughtfully. "Oh, you live with us. I probably should have mentioned that."

"I live with you?"

Buffy nodded quickly. "Yep. You, me, Dawn, and Tara. You moved in after my mom passed away."

"I remember your mom, but I don't remember her dying," Willow said quietly. "I'm sorry she died. How did it happen?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "Brain aneurism. She had a tumor and the aneurism happened after the surgery." She smiled sadly. "I'm glad you remember her. She really loved you."

Willow reached over to touch her hand gently. "I'm sorry Buffy. Of course you have to go be with your sister. Will I see you again?"

"Oh yeah, of course! We're only going to be gone for a week, tops. Xander needs to check in with his job and I have to check on Dawnie and make sure she hasn't burnt our house down or something, and then we'll be back." She grinned. "I'm sure you'll be completely up and running by the time we get back."

"When do you have to leave?" Willow asked, realizing that she was going to miss these people, unfamiliar as they were.

"Oh, we're not leaving for a few days. There's no way we'd leave you the first day you woke up," Xander said quickly.

Willow yawned as she nodded. "Good, I'm glad."

Buffy smiled at her. "We should let you get some sleep. It's pretty late."

The redhead looked around the room, noticing the darkness outside the window for the first time. "Thanks. You wouldn't think I'd be tired after being unconscious, but I'm beat."

Buffy grinned. "I know the feeling," she commented. "So we'll see you in the morning?"

"Sure thing. I'll be here, I guess." She smiled up at her friends. "Good night," she said, yawning widely.

Buffy and Xander each hugged her gently. "I'm glad you're awake," Xander said as he pulled back.

"Thanks," Willow said, smiling back at him.

Tara lingered near the bed, and Buffy turned back to look at her from Willow's doorway. "Tara? You coming?"

The blonde witch nodded. "I'll be there in a second."

Buffy smiled in understanding. "Okay, just don't take too long, okay?"

Tara smiled back at her. "I'll be in in a few minutes, I promise."

The Slayer nodded, turning back to Xander. "Let's go," she murmured, exchanging a grin with him while she led him from the room and shut the door behind her.

After a long moment of silence Willow spoke cautiously. "Tara? Is something wrong?"

The blonde shook her head. "No, not at all. I'm just really happy that you're awake, that's all."

Willow smiled. "Good. I don't want you to be sad."

Tara smiled. "I'm not sad, I promise." Willow yawned again and Tara spoke up quickly. "I'm keeping you awake, I'm sorry." She glanced at the door. "And Buffy's going to come looking for me if I'm not out of here soon," she commented with a smile.

The redhead couldn't stop an instant feeling of jealousy. It didn't surprise her that the gentle, caring, gorgeous woman had someone. A person would have to be a complete fool not to realize how great the woman at her bedside was.

Willow looked up at her carefully. "Are you and she…? I mean…are you two together?" She had to work to keep her expression under control, not willing to show how much the answer was going to affect her.

Tara's blue eyes widened instantly, shaking her head rapidly. "Oh God, no! No! Buffy and I are just friends! That's it."

Willow couldn't stop her sigh of relief. "Oh, okay. So you're single?" She looked up at the beautiful blonde and was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "Oh no, not again. I'm so sorry Tara. I keep saying stuff that upsets you."

Tara shook her head, wiping the tears away with one hand. "It's not you, it's me, I swear."

Willow pouted. "I wish I knew what I'm saying that keeps upsetting you. I wouldn't say it."

"I know sweetheart." She smiled through her tears. "You just keep being yourself, and I'll get this under control, okay? You don't need to worry about me."

Willow felt a sudden thrill race down her spine as Tara called her sweetheart. She couldn't remember this girl, but there was clearly something inside of her that recognized her.

"If you're sure," Willow said slowly, unwilling to let the issue drop, but nervous about asking too many questions.

Tara nodded, smiling at her. "Thank you. I'll let you get some sleep now."

Willow smiled back, relieved to see her smile. "I'll see you in the morning, right?"

"Of course you will. I'll be here first thing when you wake up," Tara promised, moving reluctantly to the door. "Sleep well." She turned the light out as she shut the door gently behind her.

Buffy was waiting for her when she got back to their room, propped up in her own bed with the lights on. "How'd it go?" she asked, trying to keep her excitement under control until Tara gave some sign if it had gone well or not.

Tara could stop a wide smile from spreading across her face. "I'm so happy she's awake Buffy. It's been so hard to watch her sleep and wonder if it was going to work this time." She jumped onto her own bed, hugging her pillow tightly and laughing.

Buffy grinned at her in relief. "There's a sound I haven't heard in a long time," she commented. "So it went well?"

Tara nodded with a smile. "I cried and she got scared that she was freaking me out again, but it went well otherwise."

"What made you cry?" Buffy asked carefully, instantly sympathetic.

Tara's smile turned teary. "Well, first she asked if you and I were together." She paused for Buffy's laughter, watching the Slayer's glee quietly.

The Slayer held a hand up, laughing helplessly. "I promise, this isn't about you. I mean, you're great Tara, but…" She giggled. "You belong with Willow. The idea of either of you being with anyone else is just ridiculous."

Tara shook her head at her friend's antics. "Well, thanks for that encouragement, but I can't tell her that I'm completely in love with her. The coven thinks it'll be a distraction for her to know, remember?"

Buffy's smile turned sad. "I know. I'm sorry Tara. So what did you tell her about us?"

Tara sighed. "As much as I like you Buffy, I told her that we were just friends. Then she asked if I was single."

Buffy took a deep breath. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. She noticed me tearing up and apologized for upsetting me and I left. I didn't know what to say. I mean, technically I am, but not really. I mean, there won't be anyone but her, ever. But I can't tell her that."

"You did the best you could. I'm sorry this is so rough for you," Buffy apologized, sitting up in her bed.

Tara smiled weakly at her. "It's okay. I'll get used to it. It'll just take time."

Buffy nodded, smiling back at her. "There is _some_ good that came from your inadvertent almost-slip up," she said encouragingly.

Tara arched an eyebrow. "And what's that?"

Buffy grinned widely. "Even without her memories, Willow likes you."

Tara squeezed her pillow tighter, trying to push the hopeful feeling to the background. "You think so?"

The Slayer nodded happily. "Oh yeah. She barely took her eyes off of you. And asking about you and me? She was totally jealous!" She laughed, grinning at her friend. "She's completely into you, don't even worry about it."

Tara sighed, rolling onto her back. "You know I will."

Buffy nodded, smiling even though the other girl couldn't see it. "I know you will. Trust me though, you have no reason to, none at all." Tara turned her head to meet Buffy's gaze. "Believe me, she loves you, even if she doesn't understand exactly what she's feeling."

Tara smiled gently. "But Buffy, that's not her. Not really. She doesn't know me."

"She doesn't remember you," the Slayer corrected her. "Something in her knows you though. I can tell," she said seriously.

Tara hugged her pillow again. "I hope so."


	5. Chapter 5

Tara wasn't expecting to see Willow already awake when she came into the other girl's room the next morning. In fact, it looked like the redhead had just gotten out of the shower. She had a towel wrapped around herself, but Tara still blushed brightly as she spun around quickly to turn her back on the other witch.

"I'm…I'm s-sorry. I d-didn't…" she stuttered uncontrollably, her eyes squeezed closed. It didn't help erase the image of the redhead that was burning into her brain, and she had to take several deep breaths to steady herself.

"Oh, no it's not your fault," Willow said kindly. "I took a shower, but I don't know where any more of my clothes are."

Tara kept her eyes closed and her back turned. "Oh, y-your s-stuff is in with m-mine and Buffy's. I can get you some clothes. I'll be r-right back."

She retrieved Willow's clothes from the bags in hers and Buffy's room and stuck them into Willow's room blindly, only sticking her arm into the room. She could hear Willow laugh on the other side of the door and her heart clenched suddenly.

"We live together, right? I'm sure you've seen me change before," Willow said as she took the clothes. "I can go in the bathroom at least," she offered. "There's no reason for you to stand out in the hall. Come in."

Tara hesitantly entered the room, forcing herself not to look at the redhead. Willow looked at her curiously, immediately noticing the blonde's discomfort. "Oh God, I did it again! I'm making you uncomfortable. I'm so sorry Tara. Just give me a second to change. I'll be right back."

Tara didn't have time to protest before Willow was in the bathroom, the door shut firmly behind her. Tara let out a breath in a huff, brushing both hands against her skirt. After a few minutes Willow was back, spinning to show her outfit.

"All covered up, see? Is that better?"

Tara couldn't help smiling at her. "Y-you're fine. I'm sorry I keep doing that to you."

Willow sighed. "I guess I'll figure out what I'm doing wrong. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable." She felt her heart flutter at the sight of the other girl's smile directed at her and found herself wondering what Tara's lips tasted like.

"It's really not your fault Will," Tara said earnestly, pausing as a silly grin crossed the other girl's face. "What's that look for?" she asked, smiling crookedly.

Willow blushed at getting caught. She couldn't help herself. Something about Tara just made her happy. "I get the feeling maybe I shouldn't tell you. I think it goes in the 'things I say that will make Tara be uncomfortable and stop talking to me' category of conversation topics. You guys all think I haven't noticed, but I see the looks you're all giving each other. I'm not sure exactly what I'm doing that's wrong, but I'll figure it out, you can be sure of that. You all told me that you're my friends, and I can feel all this stuff about all of you, and I'm going to make sure that I don't mess up with the only people here that I know," she finished decisively, nodding her head.

Tara grinned at her. "You certainly didn't lose your babble reflex," she commented.

Willow grinned back at her, visibly relieved. "Oh good, so this isn't a recent development? I've always talked like this, right? I've been wondering."

The blonde shook her head with a laugh. "Nope, it's all natural."

Willow felt her heart beat faster as Tara laughed, but kept her mouth shut about how beautiful she thought it sounded. Her friends had told her that she was smart and she thought she was starting to figure out what would set off Tara's pensive expression. There was obviously something in the blonde's past that was upsetting her, something to do with Willow, but there was no way for the redheaded witch to find out more about it without upsetting the other girl.

"So, what are we doing today?" she asked, changing the subject to something safe. She wanted to ask more about why she was there, why she couldn't remember her life, but if this had been done deliberately it was certain that the others wouldn't give her any clues about what had led them to the decision to take her memories. With as good as she felt about each of them, she was sure they hadn't done it to hurt her.

Tara opened the door, gesturing for Willow to lead the way. "Well, first is the tour, and then this afternoon, we're going to meet the coven you'll be studying with."

Willow grinned. "That sounds great. Are Buffy and Xander coming with us? Or is it just going to be us?"

Tara's smile slipped momentarily, but she caught herself quickly. "They're coming with us."

"Great," Willow said, genuinely happy that her unknown friends would be joining them, forcing the protesting part of her mind, the part that wanted it to be just Tara and herself, to the background. She couldn't know that Tara was forcing the same protest down herself.

Buffy and Xander met them outside of Willow's room and Buffy quickly curled an arm through Willow's as she saw Tara pull a hand back from an automatic attempt to take Willow's hand as they started walking. She shot the blonde witch a sympathetic smile and Tara nodded with a sigh, falling into step with Xander. He looped a friendly arm around her shoulders and she smiled thankfully up at him.

Buffy had to bite her lip to keep from laughing as she saw the appraising glance Willow gave the pair in front of them. She couldn't hide her grin from her best friend as the witch looked over at her.

Willow slowed her walk, letting Tara and Xander get several paces ahead of them before she spoke. "Is something funny?"

Buffy shook her head, still struggling not to laugh. "No Will. I'm just happy you're back."

Willow could tell her friend wasn't being completely truthful, but let it slide. "We're best friends, right?"

Buffy sensed the serious turn and let her grin fade, nodding as they stopped moving. "Of course we are."

Willow looked at her, glancing up the hall to where Tara and Xander had stopped walking and were waiting on them. "Well, can I ask you something? I don't think it has anything to do with magic." She frowned thoughtfully. "At least I don't see how it could possibly have anything to do with magic."

Buffy nodded, smiling encouragingly. "Shoot Will. What is it?"

Willow took a deep breath, talking in a rush, her voice low. "Am I kind of gay?" Her gaze dropped to her feet, shuffling them anxiously.

Buffy sighed, lifting Willow's face with a hand to meet her eyes. "Do you really need me to answer that one?"

Willow shook her head slowly, her eyes looking up the hall to where Tara stood waiting. "No, not really." She looked back at Buffy quickly. "I liked girls before though, right? This isn't new, is it?"

Buffy laughed, pulling her friend into a tight hug. "No Will. It's not new."

Willow squeezed the Slayer in response. "But I don't really like _**girls**_ either, do I?" she asked carefully, her voice quiet.

Buffy pulled back to look her in the face. "What do you mean?"

"It's not plural girls, is it?"

Buffy frowned thoughtfully. "That's not really something I can answer." She sighed at the frustrated look that appeared on her friend's face. "I will say that you are a one woman girl. Does that help at all?"

Willow's green gaze met Tara's blue one for a long moment before she looked back at Buffy. "Only if you tell me one more thing," she requested.

Buffy nodded slowly. "I will if I can."

"Are they together?" Willow asked, her voice small.

Buffy blinked as she realized what Willow was asking her. "Tara and Xander? Together? Not even over Anya's dead body." Willow looked surprised and smiled tentatively. Buffy squeezed her friend gently. "Xander has a fiancée at home waiting. He and Tara are just friends. Your friends…our friends. And they're waiting on us."

Willow nodded, smiling widely. "Thanks Buffy," she said as they started walking to catch up to the others.

The tour was relatively quick and Willow insisted on starting her training in earnest the next day. The others objected, saying that she was still weak and should take a few days to adjust to everything. She waved off their objections, frustrated by her lack of memories and eager to regain her normal life, whatever that was.

* * *

Tara was still asleep when Willow came in the next morning, apparently dreaming. The redhead was excited to get started with the training, but hadn't anticipated that the others would still be asleep, not everyone as excitable as she was. She was reaching to shake Tara awake when she paused, realizing the opportunity she was about to waste. Tara and Buffy were each sleeping on twin beds and Willow gently took a seat on the edge of Tara's bed, staring down at the blonde girl.

She wasn't sure where her fascination with the other woman was coming from, the absent memories frustrating her. There was obviously something inside her that felt for this woman, but she had a feeling that it might drive her nuts before she got her memories back. It seemed almost insane to be so attracted, so attached to someone she'd only known for a day, but her mind argued that they'd obviously known each other for longer than that, she just couldn't remember it.

The witch seemed to feel her presence and moved closer unconsciously, still asleep. Willow frowned in thought, watching. Apparently they were pretty close typically if Tara's reactions were any indication. One of the blonde's arms curled around Willow's hip almost automatically, starting to pull her closer unconsciously.

Willow couldn't keep herself from squeaking in reaction, her lingering question about possibly feeling something for women vanishing in an instant, with one single touch. Also gone was any doubt about _which _woman. The hand was off of her a second later, the surprised sound waking up the blonde witch. Tara shot away from her as if she had been shocked, pressing herself against the wall as far as she could get from Willow.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, holding the sheets to her chest. She glanced around, realizing that she wasn't where she was expecting. Willow could see the realization of their surroundings dawn on Tara's face and the blonde's eyes dropped closed, her hand relaxing on her chest and her head dropped back against the wall. "I'm sorry Willow. I forgot where we were. I didn't mean to snap at you."

Willow stood up from the bed, shaking her head and unaccountably nervous. "I'm sorry Tara, I didn't…I wasn't thinking…"

The blonde quickly slid back to the side of the bed, holding a hand out to her lover, unable to stop herself. "No Willow, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Forgive me?" she asked, feeling a shiver slide down her spine as Willow took her hand.

Tara sat on the edge of the bed, pulling Willow to sit beside her, although not as close as either of them would have liked. "I-I-I'm sor-r-ry," Willow stuttered and Tara felt her heart break a little more, a feat she would have sworn was impossible.

Of its own volition, her free hand touched Willow's cheek gently. Willow's eyes found hers and she smiled reassuringly. "I'm the one who stutters, remember?" A look of frustration crossed her lover's face and she grimaced. "Sorry, I guess you don't."

"You stutter?" Willow asked, genuinely surprised. Everything she'd seen of Tara had been confident, if not always sure of herself. It seemed like she was extremely driven, motivated by something she wouldn't, couldn't talk about.

Tara smiled gently. "I used to." Willow smiled back at her and Tara felt her heart skip a beat. "Not so much anymore," she breathed, her eyes locked on her lover's face.

"Why not?" Willow asked, her fingers itching where they were touching Tara's hand.

They both jumped in surprise as they realized they were no longer alone, Buffy sitting up in her bed. "She got closer to her friends. She feels comfortable around us," Buffy said, seeing the blush rising in Tara's face as she realized she'd been caught, had let herself get too close.

Willow looked between the two women, sure there was more to it, but knowing that they'd clam up if she pushed them. "Me?" she asked, not able to stop herself from checking.

Tara and Buffy exchanged glances and Tara sighed, nodding. "Yes Willow, you too."

"How come everyone seems uncomfortable around me then?" Willow asked, her face dropping to stare at where her hand still held Tara's. Tara seemed to reach the same realization, their hands separating immediately. Willow wiped her hand on her pants leg, feeling her suddenly sweaty palms.

Tara's mouth opened to speak, but Buffy interrupted before she could. "It's just been a little…strained recently…for all of us," the Slayer stated. "It'll get better Will."

Buffy could feel her heart break at the tension in the room, knowing how much Tara was struggling with this, how much worse it would get for all of them before it actually got better. Her eyes found her best friend, the struggle they were now facing pushing back her own feelings about being torn from heaven, giving her a strange sort of respite from dealing with reintegrating into the world.

Willow stood up, pacing anxiously between the beds. "I'll, um, I'll go, let you get dressed."

Buffy stood up also, hugging Willow reassuringly. "We'll be right out. We can go get something to eat, and then you and Tara can get started with the witchy stuff."

"If you're sure," Tara reiterated, not wanting Willow to feel pressured to start the training before she was ready.

The redhead nodded, brushing her hands over the back of her pants and taking several steps back towards the door. "I'm ready."

The blondes met each others' eyes, both knowing from experience how stubborn Willow was. "Fine," Tara sighed. "One word and we can stop though," she said, standing up.

Willow nodded, backing out the door, her hand scrabbling to find the knob without looking. Tara dropped back onto her bed as the door closed behind Willow and Buffy moved quickly to her side, pulling her friend into a hug. Tara's arms curled up the Slayer's back, clinging to her as she battled despair.

Buffy quickly made soothing noises, her hands tracing gently over Tara's hair. "It's okay, it's all going to be okay Tara."

"I snapped at her Buffy," Tara said, her face pressed tightly against her friend's shirt. "She was sitting on my bed, and it was just so _familiar_, so _right_, and then it all came back in rush and I snapped at her." She pulled back to look the Slayer in the eyes and there were tears swimming in her own. "She was scared of me, jumped away from me. I can't believe I hurt her," Tara groaned. "I would never hurt her Buffy. You know I wouldn't."

The Slayer nodded, pressing Tara's face back into her shoulder. "I know Tara. I'm sure she wasn't scared. She's confused, that's all. She knows how much you love her, she just can't remember it right now. It'll all be okay though."

She pulled back, looking her friend in the face. "I promise Tara. I know what it's like to see the person you love transformed into someone you can't reach, and it's awful, but Willow _will _come back to us. It's not forever. We're going to help her and we can all go home, be a family again."

Tara nodded, taking several deep breaths and wiping the tears from her eyes. "I know. Thank you Buffy." The Slayer gave her a smile, and Tara squeezed her friend's hand in gratitude. "I'm glad you're here. I couldn't do this on my own."

"You won't be on your own, not for any of this," Buffy assured her, and Tara pushed herself to her feet, determined to put on a convincing face and do what she had to do to get Willow restored.

They both got dressed in a rush, neither one speaking. Willow was in the hallway outside their room, pacing uncomfortably. As soon as she saw Tara, she spun to face her, already talking rapidly. "I'm so sorry I freaked out like that, I'm just really confused, and I'm feeling all these things, and I don't know what…" Her voice trailed off and she took a deep breath. "I'm just sorry. I didn't mean to scare you earlier."

Buffy was biting her lip to keep from laughing and she nudged Tara with an elbow. The witch smiled tightly and shook her head. "It's okay Willow. I was afraid I had scared you."

Willow looked relieved and her shoulders bobbed, smiling cautiously. "So, we're okay?" she asked, glancing up through her eyelashes at the witch and Tara thought she might collapse, her knees weakening suddenly.

Buffy seemed to realize her struggle, the Slayer's arm slipping around Tara's waist, supporting her. "We're fine Willow."

The redhead grinned and Tara felt her heart flutter at the sight, so rare recently. Buffy's arm didn't waver around her, keeping the witch steady. "I'm glad," Willow said cheerfully, obviously relieved.

Buffy slung her other arm around the redhead's shoulder, one arm around each witch. "Enough of the touchy-feely stuff, I'm starving."

After breakfast Xander and Buffy left with Giles to check in with Dawn and Spike, trying to figure out the best time to return to California. Tara and Willow joined the coven witches for meditation. The other witches left Tara to teach Willow basic techniques, seeing the anxiety that entered Willow's face if she was separated from her friends for too long.

Having the training come from someone familiar, someone Willow trusted, would help her, the coven had decided and Tara had volunteered instantly. It didn't take the redhead long to figure out the basics, mastering everything Tara could think to teach her while the coven watched. It was dinnertime before they called the witches to a halt.

They were obviously surprised at Willow's quick progress, the witch proving proficient at even the more advanced techniques they'd suggested. It was nothing too strenuous, but the coven hadn't expected her to be quite so talented.

Willow jumped to her feet as her eyes popped open, meeting the eyes of the witch who'd brought her out of the meditation. She was feeling surprisingly energetic and Tara opened her eyes to see Willow's hand extended to help her up. The blonde witch hesitated infinitesimally before she took her hand, letting the redhead pull her to her feet.

"Thank you Willow," Tara said, releasing the witch's hand immediately, and brushing grass off of her skirt.

The redhead nodded, fidgeting with the seams of her own pants. "Dinner?" she asked, surprised and relieved when Tara's hand came up to clasp her shoulder.

Tara spied Buffy and Xander at the doorway to the coven's home and they hurried to join their friends, both realizing simultaneously how hungry they were. Buffy gave them both a concerned look, not sure how either one was handling spending the whole day together. They appeared to be in good spirits, and Willow was practically bouncing on her toes, excited with her progress.

"Good day?" Buffy asked, happy to see her friend so excited, and having sudden flashbacks of young high-school aged Willow's joy of learning.

Willow nodded excitedly, giving a glance at Tara as she grinned at the Slayer. "Yeah, it was great! I can't believe how easy it was. I'm really excited to see what else I can do," she said, laughing.

Xander curled an arm over his hopping friend's shoulder, keeping her grounded. "You already taught her some spells?" he asked Tara, surprised.

The blonde shook her head quickly. "No, no spells yet," she said, smiling herself at Willow's immediate eager look.

It had been a long time since Tara had seen Willow so genuinely excited about learning something magical for the sake of learning and not to gain power or make something easier, and it warmed her heart. Willow's eyes were wide and she was so happy that Tara couldn't help remembering their first days together, the magic that had brought them together in the first place the thing that had eventually torn them apart. She felt her eyes slide closed, memories threatening to overwhelm her.

When her eyes opened again she found Xander trying to distract Willow, the expression on her face clearly showing that she didn't buy it, and Buffy's arm slipped around the witch's waist. Tara looked down at the Slayer, grateful for her friend's support. Buffy gave her a reassuring smile and they finally reached the dining room, several long tables lined up along the length of the room. There was a moment of hesitation as the witches struggled to figure out an appropriate seating arrangement, Tara not used to having to force herself to put distance between herself and her lover.

The meal was filled with scattered idle chatter, everyone avoiding any type of serious or personal topics that could lead to questions they couldn't answer. The witch knew what they were doing, but was eager not to upset Tara anymore, so she kept her mouth shut.


	6. Chapter 6

Early update because I'm going to be out of town this weekend and I'm not taking my computer :)

* * *

It was month before the coven decided that Willow was ready to start learning spells and gave Tara instructions where to begin. Tara thoughtfully led them outside to practice, knowing that Willow had been shaky her first time learning magic, spells sometimes going awry.

Buffy, Xander, and Giles were going to watch, along with the coven, but they didn't want to put any pressure on the witches so they were all staying at a distance.

Willow was practically skipping as they went down the hill, Tara following at a slower pace, though no less happy than her former girlfriend. "I'm so excited," Willow exclaimed, spinning in a circle happily.

Tara smiled, overjoyed to see her so enthusiastic. "I can tell," she stated, surprised when Willow spun her around excitedly, whirling them both in a circle. Willow seemed to realize what she was doing at the same time Tara did. However, Willow's arms moved to drop from around her at the same time that Tara's arms came around her.

Willow was surprised to realize that Tara was hugging her, and she relaxed into the hug without a conscious decision to do so. It took a moment before Tara recognized what was happening and she kept herself from jerking away, not wanting to scare Willow again. She gave the redhead one final squeeze, pulling back slowly and trying to forget how good it felt to hold Willow in her arms.

"Ready?" she asked softly, her fingers itching to trace over Willow's cheek.

The redhead was blushing but nodded, reluctantly stepping back out of Tara's arms. "I think so," she said, just as quiet and suddenly nervous. She was surprised to discover that she wasn't scared that she couldn't do the spell, but was nervous about disappointing Tara. The witch had been nothing but patient with her, fielding questions and providing suggestions and advice, and she didn't want to let Tara down if she couldn't get it right.

The others had told her that she would enjoy the studying, but she had still been surprised to discover they were right. Now that she had to put it to the test though, she was nervous that she would do something wrong, mess it up and disappoint Tara.

She wiped her hands anxiously on her skirt, swallowing nervously. Tara was giving her a reassuring smile. "You're going to be great, Willow. You can do this in your sleep," she assured the witch.

Willow nodded, still nervous. She murmured an explanation, and Tara cocked her head, not able to hear her. Willow swallowed again. "I don't want to do it wrong and disappoint you," she muttered, only barely audible.

Tara pulled her into another hug, one hand on the back of Willow's hair. "Honey, you could never disappoint me like that," she said earnestly. "We can wait, do this another time, if you're not sure."

Willow felt a thrill rush through her at the pet name, her doubts suddenly vanishing. "I can do it," she said, lingering in Tara's hug. "I can do it," she repeated, smiling.

Tara nodded, pulling back and taking a step back. "I know you can," the blonde stated, smiling confidently. "Ready?"

Willow nodded, taking a deep breath. "What do I need to do?"

Tara spent a few minutes explaining how to cast the spell, what she needed to say, how it would feel. Willow nodded in understanding, bouncing nervously on her toes. A second later she was jumping up and down in excitement as she murmured the spell, the effect immediate and powerful.

The spell Tara had chosen to have Willow practice was a derivative of the same spell she'd once practiced with the redhead, floating the rose in the darkness of her dorm room. Thankfully, the sunny daylight was helping to keep her memories at bay, keeping her from comparing the two.

In this environment, the effect was wildly different. There was no rose, but every stray leaf shot into the air, hovering at chest height and Tara looked down to discover that every blade of grass was standing straight up, almost as if they were struggling to fly, anxious to please Willow.

The blonde laughed, and Willow followed the path of her eyes, noticing the grass and faltering, the leaves dipping in the air. "Am I doing it wrong?" Willow asked nervously.

Tara shook her head, spying the coven on the hill and their friends watching. "No, you did a great job. It's just a bit…expansive," she explained, looking around at the ground.

"How do I fix it?" Willow asked, scowling in displeasure.

Tara saw the look and quickly put her hand on Willow's shoulder. "You did great Willow, really."

"Not good enough," Willow murmured, pouting.

Tara slung her arm around her shoulder, squeezing comfortingly. "You're too hard on yourself," she said. "I couldn't have done that my first try," Tara confided, smiling. "And you wouldn't have been able to do it when you first started." Willow arched an eyebrow, grinning suddenly. "The first time you started," Tara corrected herself, feeling her blood race at the sight of Willow's smile, the feel of Willow's magic buzzing in the air around her. "You're doing fine Willow," she said, taking a sudden step back and poking playfully at a leaf that was hovering near her nose.

She turned to face Willow again, smiling. "It's about control. You've definitely got power, you just need a focus," she explained, gesturing to the hundreds of leaves that floated around them. "Right now, the power is all you have. We can work on control, specific accuracy instead of it being so generalized like it is right now." Willow nodded, her face serious and studious, willing to obey Tara's instructions explicitly. "Let the leaves down, and we'll try again, focusing on only moving one leaf this time, okay?"

Willow did as she was asked, the leaves floating softly to the ground and they could both feel the grass relax beneath their feet. Tara just watched, letting Willow take her time, wanting her to feel comfortable. This time the result was slower, a single leaf floating up, spinning tranquilly. It came to a halt at eye level, wobbling only slightly before moving straight to Tara, bumping gently into her nose.

Tara laughed, pushing the leaf away with her finger, feeling the leaf push back. Willow's eyes opened as she heard Tara's laugh, a smiled blossoming on her own face. "How's that?" Willow asked, still concentrating on the spell.

"I knew you'd be fine," Tara said. "You may not remember, but you were born for this."

Willow grinned, a long blade of grass floating up and joining the leaf, almost seeming to dance together. "So I'm good at this?" she requested, watching her abilities on display.

Tara smiled wryly. "You're very good at this Willow." Green eyes found hers and she struggled to remember her own name, overwhelmed with feeling for the woman she'd fallen so deeply in love with years ago. The girl standing before her was an almost painful reminder of the way they'd been, before everything had fallen apart. "The best I've ever seen," she breathed, realizing what she'd said and the tone of her voice a second too late, a blush rising up her neck.

Willow bit her lip, thinking to herself that Tara blushing was the cutest thing she'd ever seen, momentarily forgetting that more than half of her memories were simply gone at the present. The blonde seemed flustered and Willow sent another leaf up to dance with the others. "I think I've got this," she commented.

Tara mentally thanked her for the moment to collect herself and she laughed quietly. "And you were nervous," she observed, a crooked half smile on her face.

Now it was Willow's turn to be knocked off her feet, feeling suddenly lightheaded and hearing the blood rushing through her own head. She'd thought that the magic was a good feeling, tingling through her veins, but this - this was _so_ much better than the magic. One smile from Tara and it felt like she was flying, could fly, even without the magic. "Not anymore," she breathed.

Tara blinked, suddenly realizing what the slack jawed look on Willow's face meant, and the discovery shocked her. Willow was attracted to her. Buffy was right, even without her memories, Willow liked her.

Part of her was absolutely thrilled, while another part wept for the Willow she'd lost, the Willow she was trying to bring back. The realization reinforced in an instant her determination to keep her distance from this Willow, no matter how difficult it would prove to be. Willow needed to come back to herself before anything could happen between them again, _if _anything was ever going to happen between them again. Tara steeled herself as much as she could, determined to keep herself under control, not let herself slip.

Willow could see the change in her face, not sure what had caused it, but knowing instinctively what it meant. She sighed heavily, putting a pine cone into orbit around the other items.

It was nightfall before the witches stopped their practice, both silent throughout dinner, Buffy and Xander sensing the tension between them. Willow didn't linger after dinner, claiming tiredness and going to bed. Buffy and Xander followed Tara to the room she was staying in with Buffy, the pair trapping the witch, both looking for an explanation.

"What happened down there today?" Xander asked, resting a supportive hand on her shoulder.

Tara sighed, her shoulders slumping beneath his hand. "She likes me," she commented, not meeting her friends' eyes.

"That's great!" Xander enthused, grinning. Tara didn't respond as anticipated and he glanced at Buffy, obviously confused. "Isn't it?"

Tara gave him a small smile, shaking her head. "No, it is. I mean, I'm glad she still likes me, it's just that that's not Willow." His mouth opened to object and she put a restraining hand on his chest. "She's not _my _Willow. I can't let myself forget that again. That's not the woman I love, she just looks like her."

"And acts like her," Xander reminded her, sobering as he realized what the problem was exactly.

Tara nodded, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Yeah, that doesn't help either," she sighed. Buffy and Xander took a seat on either side of her, knowing that their words wouldn't help. Tara dropped back on the bed, her arms crossing over her eyes.

Buffy and Xander glanced at each other before they leaned back, laying down on either side of Tara, their feet all still on the floor. Tara took a shuddering breath and Buffy sighed. "Willow will come back to you Tara."

One of the witch's arms moved slightly, her head turning enough to meet the Slayer's eyes. "I hope you're right," she breathed, her fear breaking though her determination momentarily.

* * *

The coven slowly expanded their lessons with Willow, teaching her the basic tenets of their beliefs about magic and its uses, while the redhead soaked up every bit of knowledge she could. Tara and the others watched as her power and skill grew daily, the blonde witch following the coven's lead on what to teach Willow and how quickly they should proceed.

Tara was always careful about keeping space between them, and Buffy and Xander did their best to steer their conversations around any prickly subjects.

The two girls were always together, whether they were outside meditating, or in the library studying, or practicing spells with the coven. Buffy and Xander had to go back to Sunnydale for short trips a few times, checking on everything on the Hellmouth, and both Willow and Tara were relieved when they returned. They were unable to help with the magical training, but Willow appreciated having them around, enjoying hearing stories about their lives and loving getting to know her friends again. They seemed to be feeling more relaxed and happy, but she noticed the holes in their stories and wondered about it silently.

The mystery silences and significant glances between her friends was quickly growing to be too much for the redhead, but she knew that trying to force any of them to share would only result in the three closing ranks, becoming more impenetrable than ever.

Time passed quickly, and it was February before they knew it. The witches had just finished a session of mediation, the last exercise they did nightly before heading back inside to rejoin Buffy and Xander for dinner. It was the last time Willow would be alone with Tara that day and she deliberately lingered under the tree they preferred to meditate beside. She stretched widely as she watched Tara out of the corner of her eye.

Tara looked over at her quickly as Willow flopped back onto her back, the dead leaves covering the dry winter grass crunching under her. A laugh assured her that there was nothing wrong and she giggled herself as Willow's arms waved through the leaves.

"I'm an angel," Willow said enthusiastically, her head popping up to grin at Tara. The blonde bit back her automatic agreement, one hand covering her mouth at the sight of the leaves sticking wildly out of her lover's red hair. "What?" she asked, pouting as Tara giggled behind her hand.

The blonde didn't speak, just leaning forward to pluck one of the leaves out of her hair. She twirled it by the stem in front of Willow's eyes. The redhead took it from her, tucking it behind her ear and grinning.

"I'm a leaf angel then," she amended her statement, and Tara bit her lip to keep herself from saying anything. Willow shook the leaves out of her hair after a moment, still grinning impishly. "So what are we working on tomorrow?" she asked, sensing one of Tara's quiet moments looming if she didn't change the subject.

Tara blinked, her eyes moving off of Willow with supreme effort. "Oh, well the coven was going to…"

She was interrupted by Willow, the redhead lying back in the leaves again. "What's your favorite color?" The question came suddenly and Tara blinked again, stuttering as she tried to think of the answer.

"B-b-blue," she said, hearing Willow's sigh as she stammered.

"Sorry," the other witch apologized, hating when she made Tara stutter.

The blonde shook her head. "It's not your fault. W-w-why did you ask about my favorite color?"

She could hear Willow's shoulders move through the leaves. "I just wanted to know. You know all this stuff about me, and I don't remember yours. It doesn't seem fair. When's your birthday?" she asked suddenly.

"October sixteenth," Tara said, not stuttering this time. "Xander's is coming up soon," she said, reminding herself as much as Willow.

"So close to Valentine's Day? That sucks!" Willow sat up in a rush, leaves again stuck in her hair. "We should have a party!"

Tara smiled crookedly, nodding. "Yeah, pretty much all of his birthday presents from Anya are really for her…" Tara sympathized. Honestly, she couldn't have felt less like celebrating, but she had seen that look in Willow's eyes before and she knew what was coming. It wasn't that she didn't want to celebrate Xander's birthday with him, they were just so busy that she doubted he even remembered it was coming up

Willow saw the doubtful look on Tara's face and pouted. "What? Don't you want to have a birthday party for Xander? What did we do last year?" she asked. She hadn't been able to figure out how they'd met, but she'd managed to put together that she'd known Tara for at least two years.

"For Xander's birthday? Well, you tried to bake him a cake, but it sort of slanted and fell apart," Tara said, smiling at the memory. Willow was pouting at the ground and Tara leaned forward, ducking her head to look her in the eyes. "You're good at many things, but baking is not one of them," she stated.

"So I gave him a wrecked cake?" Willow asked, frowning.

Tara laughed, shaking her head. "No sweetie. You didn't give your best friend a bad cake. I made another one and we gave him that one."

Willow seemed so excited by her birthday party idea that she seemed to miss the familiar pet name, or she had gotten much better at controlling her reaction, Tara mused to herself as she watched for the aftermath of her slip up. She'd gotten better at moderating her words, but Willow made it difficult when she was disappointed, the blonde's instinctual reaction being to comfort her.

"Well, you can help me and I'll do better this year!" Willow decided. Tara bit her lip, but nodded. "Hey, what did we do for your birthday?" she asked.

There was a split second of panic in Tara's eyes before she blinked, her face passive again. "Um, this year, not much. A few people came over for dinner," she hedged, knowing that Willow knew she was hiding something, but not knowing what else to do. The truth was that she and Willow had spent the day alone together, having their own party and only joining their friends for a small dinner of take out at the house. It had been before their disastrous Halloween, but even then, on her birthday, things hadn't been right between them.

"What about last year?" Willow asked, frowning. Surely they had had a party for Tara at some point. She was too amazing not to be celebrated, much less only once a year. The redhead stopped that train of thought quickly, not letting herself indulge in thoughts of how she would treat the beautiful blonde if she were free to show her how much she thought of her.

Tara smiled, the expression softening on her face. "We went dancing at the Bronze," she said simply, unwilling to think about the rest of her birthday, only wanting to focus on the good parts of that day.

Willow nodded before frowning. "What's the Bronze again? I know you've told me before, but I've gotten a lot of new information in the last few months and I can't keep it all straight."

Tara laughed. "It's the club in Sunnydale. You used to go there after school with Buffy and Xander. They have a dance floor, and pool tables, and stuff like that. It's fun."

"And we went there for your birthday?" Willow questioned, seeing the happy smile on Tara's face and hoping that she'd had something to do with putting that look on her face, either in the past or the present.

Tara nodded. Willow's brain was working rapidly and Tara could see the plans forming in her mind. She didn't have the heart to tell her that the only reason she'd had the party the year before was at Willow's insistence. After her mother had died, her father and brother had never given her a birthday party and she had been so shy in school, it wasn't until she had been accepted into Willow's family that she'd felt comfortable enough around people to even consider having a birthday party. The party had all the result of Willow's planning though.

Tara couldn't imagine who Willow would convince to come this time, but she knew her lover wouldn't fail to find people to attend Xander's party. The blonde witch realized that they had all been so entirely focused on Willow and her training that she hadn't really gotten to know any of the coven witches, despite having lived with them for almost three months. She also knew that that wouldn't stop them from coming to anything Willow planned, they were all too kind to refuse.

Willow was grinning at her, obviously already planning in her busy brain. Tara shook her head with a wry smile, pushing herself up onto her feet. The redhead grinned, knowing instinctually that she had won. Willow jumped to her feet excitedly, throwing her arms around Tara's neck happily.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she chattered and Tara nodded.

"Shouldn't Xander be thanking you? You're throwing him a party," she reminded her.

Willow jumped back, taking Tara's hand to pull her back up the hill towards the giant stone house. "Come on, we need to talk to Buffy and Xander. We've got a lot of work to do," she said, excited to have something to do that would hopefully bring her back close to her friends and wasn't related to magic in the slightest.

Tara let herself be dragged along, noticing as they moved quickly up the hill that there were still several stubborn leaves in Willow's hair. They stopped suddenly next to the table they ate dinner at routinely, Buffy and Xander looking up at them in surprise. They gave Tara a questioning glance, but the blonde witch shrugged, gesturing to Willow.

"What did I get you for your birthday last year?" Willow questioned Xander, the young man pausing with a bite halfway to his mouth.

"My birthday?" he asked, confused. Tara was smiling behind Willow's back and she nodded encouragingly to him. "Um, well you all chipped in and got me a new recliner."

Willow wrinkled her nose, glancing at the two blondes. "We did? That sounds boring."

Xander shook his head quickly. "No way Will! It was exactly what I wanted!" he insisted sincerely. "What's this about?" he asked, directing the question to Tara.

"Your birthday is next week," she said as she sat down. Xander's eyes widened and he laughed.

"It is, isn't it? I had completely forgotten," he said.

Willow was grinning like a maniac and she nodded. "Well, we're going to throw you a party!"

Buffy looked between the two witches, unsure how this topic could have possibly come up. Tara didn't look upset so the Slayer decide to wait on questioning her about it. "We are?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Willow nodded excited, sliding onto the bench next to Tara. "Yeah, Tara is going to help me make a cake, and Buffy, you can help make decorations, and Giles and the coven can come!" she planned, sounding so excited that none of them had any desire to rain on her parade.

Xander grinned at her, reaching across the table to put a hand over hers on the table. "Thanks Will. It sounds great," he said sincerely, giving her a smile and finding himself choking up. Seeing her like this, happy and hyper and so _Willow_ was almost physically painful for him, an undeniable reminder of what they were all doing here.

He coughed roughly, dropping her hand after a moment and blinking down at his food. Buffy's hand found his knee under the table, his leg bouncing unconsciously as he struggled with his emotions and her hand rubbed over his knee soothingly, giving him a tight smile as he looked sideways at her.

His feelings were mirrored in the Slayer's eyes and she leaned her head against his shoulder, listening to Willow's comfortingly familiar babble as she started working out plans.

* * *

Tara closed the door behind her after dinner, unsurprised to find Xander sitting on her bed, waiting for her. Buffy was on her own bed, leaning on one side, her head resting on her hand.

"She sprung it on me," she apologized, sitting on the bed next to the carpenter. "I'm sorry Xander."

He sighed, nodding. "It's okay Tara. I don't mind, really."

She smiled encouragingly. "She's really excited about it. I'm going to help her make a cake and I'm sure she'll find lots of people to come."

Xander put his hand on her knee to stop her words, shaking his head. "It's really fine Tara. I'm not just going along with it. It's my birthday and my best friend is throwing me a party. This has happened before in my life, and it will happen again," he said sincerely, smiling.

Buffy sat up from her relaxed position on the bed. "We'll have a great time Tara. I'm sure of it." She met her friend's eyes seriously. "How are you doing though?"

Tara shrugged. "I already spend all day with her. A few extra nights doing party things won't kill me." She let out a deep breath. "And I think I'm getting better at not swooning when she smiles at me, and I only think about kissing her about twenty times a day, so I think I'm doing alright," she commented, smiling bitterly.

"How's the magic stuff going?" Xander asked curiously. They had been around the pair of witches when they'd been practicing, but the other Scoobies' grasp of magic was as tenuous as it had ever been.

Tara leaned back against the wall, curling one leg under her as she relaxed on the end of her bed. "She's amazing," the blonde said, an unconscious smile appearing on her face. Buffy and Xander exchanged grins and Tara blushed, ducking her chin to her chest. "But you already know that," she added. "It's going great. She's doing so well. The coven thinks she'll be finished in a few more months."

"That's great," Xander said. "Then everything will go back to the way it was."

Tara's smile slipped, her eyes dropping to her hands in her lap. "Yeah…" Her voice trailed off and Xander grimaced.

"I didn't mean it…Tara, that's not what I meant," he said firmly, moving to face her, his larger hands dropping over her knees. "She loves you Tara."

Tara's head shook back and forth slowly, tears welling up in her eyes. "She doesn't know me. She doesn't remember what she did to me."

Xander's shoulders slumped and he leaned forward to look her in the eyes. "I'm not talking about how she is now. I mean before. Before everything got so screwed up." Tara glanced up at him, her broken heart clear on her face. "I know that she did it to herself, but Tara, you know that she loves you."

"I love her too Xander, more than anything in the world, but it's not that simple. Even once she gets the magic under control, gets her memories back, we'll be back where we were…broken up and I don't know if I can trust her again."

Xander snorted in disbelief. "You know she'll have her memories back for _maybe _ten seconds before she'll be begging you to take her back."

Tara's lips curled minutely at the corners and she let out a deep breath. "It's not that simple," she repeated.

Xander frowned. "You don't want her back?" he asked doubtfully, glancing over his shoulder to where Buffy was watching in silence.

"Of course I do!" Tara said sharply. "It's going to take time though."

Xander sighed. "I get that," he said. "Just do me one favor, okay?" Tara nodded, looking up at him. "Please don't forget how much she loves you. She messed up big time. But I've known Willow since kindergarten, and I've never seen her so happy in our whole lives as when you smile at her."

Tara's tears escaped as she took a shuddering breath and Xander opened his arms to her, letting her lean against his chest.

"Nothing could make me forget that Xander," she breathed into his shirt, hiccupping back tears and she felt Buffy join them on the bed, the Slayer's forehead leaning against the witch's shaking back.

As her crying eased, her friends stayed close. Buffy pushed hair back from Tara's face with a sigh, seeing that her eyes were red. "Everything will be okay Tara. Willow loves you, but she made a mistake. She let the magic get out of control." Buffy sighed heavily. "She absolutely did it the wrong way, but she only did what she did because she didn't want to lose you."

Tara wiped her tears away with one hand. "Ironic, isn't it…?" she mumbled, her bitterness obvious. "She lost me anyway." The old friends exchanged glances and Tara groaned, her head dropping. "I know she was addicted to the magic and she's getting better, but I'm still scared about how far she let it go. She couldn't go a week without magic, one week!"

"She's doing better though Tara," Xander said.

"She didn't choose this though Xander! She wanted to die!" Tara's tears were back with a vengeance and she collapsed forward against his chest. "She was ready to leave us, leave me…"

Xander soothed her without thinking about it, rocking them back and forth as Buffy's hands rubbed Tara's back gently.

"Willow would never want to leave you Tara," she murmured quietly, leaning over to speak into the witch's ear. "She didn't want to die, she was just struggling." The Slayer swallowed thickly. "Willow would do anything to be right with you again."

Tara didn't respond, just leaned on Xander and tried to choke back her despair, the suddenly fresh pain of her love's betrayal, wondering what it would take to move past it, to really let everything go back to the way it was before. They had been happy once, even in the midst of everything that they had been going through. She would do whatever it took to get back to that place with Willow.


	7. Chapter 7

Early-ish update because I hate making you guys wait longer than a week...

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They had gotten everything ready for Xander's party, even arranging to bring Anya over to England as a surprise for his birthday. The decorations were ready and everything was set up, all that remained was to make the cake. Buffy and Xander were already in bed, the witches' practicing keeping them busier so Willow and Tara were still awake the night before the party, the coven's large kitchen solely theirs.

Willow had the cake recipe she'd copied out meticulously color coded, notes written neatly in the margins and Tara watched in amusement as her red haired lover carefully sorted out her ingredients, the utensils she would need set to the side in the order she would need them.

Willow looked up from her preparations as Tara giggled and arched her eyebrow at the other woman. "What?" she questioned, turning the oven on to preheat.

Tara was leaned back against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest. "I didn't say anything," she said innocently, smirking.

"You're laughing at me," Willow accused her.

Tara shrugged. "Your methods have always been quirky," she said. "In college, after class was over you'd come home and copy out all of your notes in different colored pens."

"You think I'm insane, don't you!?" Willow asked with a groan, slapping one hand to her forehead.

Tara laughed even as her heart clenched. "I said quirky," she repeated herself. She took a step off the counter and gently pulled Willow's hand down off of her face. Their eyes met and there was a moment where they were both still, the kitchen suddenly silent and very, very private.

Tara let out a deep breath, tearing her eyes away from Willow's to read the recipe. "You ready to do this?" she asked, forcing herself to smile normally and not kiss Willow, no matter how much she was dying to, her doubts about their future completely forgotten in the light of Willow's innocence shining in her face.

Willow nodded quickly, feeling her skin tingling where Tara was still holding her hand. "Sure," she said, her voice squeaky. She cleared her throat quickly, blushing in embarrassment. "Let's get started."

Tara kindly took a step back, letting Willow get started on her own. She took a deep breath, leaning back against the opposite countertop, trying to center herself. It was getting more difficult to remember why she was supposed to be keeping her distance. Willow was doing so well, was so happy now, and was so obviously hung up on Tara herself, it was becoming impossible to resist her.

Tara smiled unconsciously, eyes finding the distracted Willow, watching her work in silence. She'd always had a problem trying to resist Willow. She straightened her spine, her arms wrapped around herself. She would just have to do better, she decided. No matter how cute and innocent this Willow seemed, as soon as her memories were restored things would go back to the way it had been between them. She couldn't forget that Willow had hurt her deeply.

Her lover's betrayal was wiped from her mind as Willow turned to look at her, an excited smile on her face, the look taking her breath away and it took her a second to realize that Willow was talking, her hands gesturing rapidly.

Tara processed the words in a rush and realized that Willow was asking her to check on her progress with the cake. The redhead had insisting on making everything from scratch and Tara took two steps in, checking the cake batter over Willow's shoulder.

"Looks good Willow," she said, smiling. "You've just got some lumps, here," she said, feeling Willow's pout without seeing it and she picked up the bowl and selected a flat but flexible scraper from a drawer, demonstrating whipping the batter together herself. "Like that," she said, guiding the bowl and the scraper into Willow's hands

The redhead attempted to emulate the easy, graceful motions of the other woman, but grew frustrated rapidly. Tara was still standing behind her and her hands found Willow's wrists, guiding her gently to tilt the bowl and coaxing her other hand through the movement. The blonde only left her hands in place for a few moments, letting Willow finish the mixing and taking a long step back, putting much needed space between their bodies.

After a few minutes Willow held the bowl out for inspection again. Tara nodded, smiling. "It looks great. Good job Willow." Tara's smile was crooked and she took an unconscious step back, looking around for something to do. She settled on buttering the cake pan, giving Willow a smile over her shoulder as she turned to the opposite counter.

Willow kept working on the batter, grateful for the praise from Tara, but determined that this was going to be the best cake Xander had ever eaten, even if making it killed her. Finally, she decided that the batter was as perfect as she could make it and stepped over to where Tara was working in silence.

"Hey," Willow said quietly, finally noticing the close, private atmosphere of the deserted kitchen, and she kept her voice low. "You ready for this?" she asked, putting the heavy glass bowl next to the cake pan Tara had covered with butter. Tara nodded, stepping back from the counter. Willow stood silent for a moment, waiting on the other girl to make a move, but Tara remained still, arching an eyebrow with another crooked smile.

"This is your baby," she reminded the redhead, crossing her arms over her chest.

Willow grinned, lifting the bowl and spooning the batter into the pan. She started patting it down with the spoon, trying to flatten it out. She stopped as Tara gently picked up the pan.

"Let me show you a trick to that," she said, handing it over to Willow. The redhead glanced down at the pan and then back up to Tara, giving her a doubtful look. "Shake it," Tara said, smirking.

Willow moved it slowly, looking at Tara as if she'd gone crazy. "Shake it?"

Tara nodded, miming shaking the pan back and forth in front of her with quick side to side motions. Willow mimicked her, seeing that the shaking spread the batter evenly, quickly smoothing the top. "That's awesome!" she enthused. Tara laughed quietly, opening the oven for her.

Willow put the pan inside the oven, turning back to Tara with a grin and wiping her hands on her pants. "What now?"

Tara smiled, setting the timer on the oven so that the cake wouldn't burn. "Are you sure you want to make the icing from scratch?"

Willow nodded firmly. "I can do it," she said with more confidence than she felt. "Right?" she added, shifting her weight between her feet.

Tara nodded, frowning at her normally confident lover's doubt. "Of course you can," she said. "I can't think of a thing you wouldn't be able to do." She missed Willow's look of surprise as she moved to the fridge to get the butter and the milk.

Willow was grinning proudly and she consulted her recipe, finding the measuring spoons she had already pulled out. She found the mixer in the bottom of a cabinet, turning to put it on the counter where she was working, and stopping abruptly as she found herself pressed against Tara, the blonde standing unexpectedly close as she moved to put the milk and butter within easy reach.

Willow froze, feeling her hands trapped between them, shaking fingers still grasping the mixer. Their faces were close together, and Tara's eyelids fluttered, her bottom lip dropping open as she sucked in a surprised breath. After a heartbeat of staring at each other Tara stepped back, blushing brightly as her eyes dropped to her feet.

"S-s-sorry," she stuttered. She heard Willow put the mixer down, jumping slightly when she felt the redhead's finger under her chin, lifting her head to meet her eyes.

"I thought we were past me making you all uncomfortable like this Tara," she said slowly, frowning in consternation.

Tara sighed, nodding uncomfortably. "We were…I mean, we are," Tara said, catching Willow's hand with her own. Spontaneously she squeezed it gently, mustering as normal a smile as she could. "It just surprised me, that's all."

Willow nodded, her thumb stroking over Tara's skin absently. "I didn't mean to scare you," she breathed quietly, her eyes finding Tara's. "How about this icing?" she prompted a subject change.

Tara let out a breath of relief, her smile becoming more natural. "You have the vanilla?" she asked, putting a box of powdered sugar on the countertop. Willow found it quickly, holding up the small brown glass bottle and shaking it in evidence, a small smile on her lips.

"Good, now the icing isn't too hard. Just put all of this stuff in the mixer in the right amounts and turn it on," Tara said.

Willow nodded in understanding, picking up the card with the ingredients listed on it. "It's a shame it's just going to be white," she commented, pouting. She glanced up as Tara laughed, one hand searching in the pockets of her jacket that was hanging over the back of a nearby chair. The blonde produced a small bottle, putting it on the countertop next to the mixer as Willow dumped the powdered sugar into the bowl. "What's that?" she asked, pouring out the correct amount of vanilla carefully.

"Food color," Tara said, with a smile as she pulled herself up to sit on the countertop, her heels kicking lightly against the cabinet doors. "Red. It's Xander's favorite color," she told her. "I asked Giles to pick it up when he went into town yesterday."

Willow poured the vanilla into the basin quickly, dropping the measuring spoons as she spun to where Tara was sitting, throwing herself at the other witch and hugging her tightly.

It took them both a second to realize that Tara's seat on the counter lifted her up enough so that Willow's head was pressed into Tara's chest. She jumped back immediately, blushing brightly and spinning so that her back was to Tara, plugging in the mixer with suddenly shaky hands.

"Sorry," she said quietly, more aware than ever of the quiet that ruled the entire place, no one else awake but them. "I don't always think before I do stuff, but I'm sure you know that." She pushed the button on the mixer, the noise covering the shaky breath she took, her eyes closed.

Tara hopped off the counter quickly, turning Willow back to face her and pulling her into a gentle hug. "It's okay Willow. We would have something to talk about if you had tried to kiss me, or stuck your face in there deliberately, or something like that, but it was just a hug." She pulled back to look Willow in the eyes. "You don't have to apologize for hugging me Willow." She bit her lip. "Unless you completely regret it and have no desire to ever hug me again," she added teasingly, smiling crookedly.

Willow was shaking her head rapidly before the sentence was out of Tara's mouth. "No, no way. I like hugging you," she said, blushing. "I just know that sometimes the physical stuff makes you jumpy."

As she spoke, she jumped away from Tara, looking quickly at the icing and switching the mixer off. Tara laughed, coming up next to her and peering into the mixer bowl.

"It looks good," Tara said, smiling at her. "Good timing."

Willow grinned happily, proud of herself. She poked one finger into the creamy white icing and licked it off her fingertip quickly. "Yum. It's good." She twisted the bowl to release it from the base of the mixer. "Try some?" she offered, holding the bowl for Tara to get some.

The blonde raised an eyebrow, but dipped the tip of one finger delicately in the frosting. She tried her sample, smiling as her finger slipped from her mouth. "That is good. Good job Will." She was trying to ignore the image of Willow sucking the icing from her finger, knowing that thoughts of that nature would only lead to madness and frustration.

The redhead was still grinning. "Now how do we make it red?" she asked excitedly.

Tara lifted the bottle of food coloring, shaking it lightly. "Just a few drops of this, and stir it up, and it will turn red," she said, laughing. Willow took the bottle quickly, shaking the food coloring into the icing and stirring it vigorously.

She kept stirring until the red was completely incorporated while Tara checked on the cake baking in the oven. Willow watched in amusement as Tara poked a toothpick into the center of their creation, sliding it back out carefully and inspecting the sliver of wood for crumbs.

"Oven mitt?" Tara asked, looking around the organized counters for one.

Willow opened a drawer as she stole another finger scoop of the now red icing. Tara rolled her eyes as she found the coven's oven mitt. Tara slipped it on, pulling the cake from the oven, hissing loudly in pain after a second. She managed to not drop the cake, sliding it quickly onto the countertop and whipping the oven mitt off, sucking on the burned skin in between her thumb and forefinger.

Willow was there immediately, pulling Tara's hand down gently. "You okay?" she asked, looking closely at the injury. "Is there a hole in the oven mitt?" she asked sympathetically.

Tara nodded, groaning. Willow turned on the cold tap, pulling Tara's hand under the water stream. Tara hissed again and Willow grimaced. "It's fine," Tara said before Willow could apologize. Her lips curled into a forced smile. "It just stings."

Willow didn't surrender her grip on Tara's hand, holding it under the cold water, her fingers stroking the skin gently. Tara felt a shiver run down her spine at Willow's touch, but blamed the cool water rather than the feel of Willow's touch, trying to force herself to believe that it was the truth.

"How's it feeling now?" Willow asked quietly, not looking at Tara, but keeping her eyes locked on their hands.

"C-c-cold," Tara said, voice soft and shaky. Willow guided their hands out from under the water, still holding Tara's hand between her hands. She glanced up, meeting Tara's eyes before she gently lifted the injured hand to her lips, kissing the burn softly.

"Your mom's not here to kiss it better," Willow said, the excuse sounding weak to her own ears, but she found herself unable to stop the words.

Tara blinked, her mouth dropping open. "My mom is dead. She died when I was seventeen." The statement was more blunt than she intended, her rampant emotions forcing her to speak on the first topic that didn't involve Willow and kissing.

She regretted her haste a second later as Willow frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I don't remember…" she apologized, Tara's free hand covering her lips and stopping her words.

"I know you don't remember. It's fine. It's been a long time," Tara assured her as her hand slipped off of Willow's mouth.

Willow glanced up through her eyelashes. "You can talk to me, you know, about your mom. If you ever want to…"

Tara blinked, smiling slowly and nodding. "Thank you Willow," she said softly, blue eyes shining with emotion. "You're very sweet. That's nothing new though," she commented, pulling the redhead into a hug, their hands still joined.

"You don't have to tell me since I'm sure you've told me about it at some point, but if you ever feel like it, I'll listen," Willow offered into Tara's neck.

The blonde nodded against her, basking in the easy support her lover was providing. "Not tonight. We're making a birthday cake. That's happy. Another time, okay?"

Willow pulled back, smiling reassuringly. "Okay," she agreed, lifting Tara's burned hand to look at it. "Your hand okay?" she asked quietly. She pecked another kiss to the burn and Tara's eyes slid closed.

"Painless," she said, taking a shuddering breath while her eyes fluttered behind the lids.

Willow was smiling a tiny teasing smile as blue eyes opened to find hers. "I'm glad to hear that," she said breathily, letting Tara's hand slide out of hers. They stared at each other for a long moment before Willow's eyes shifted to the cake. "Is that done?" she asked in as normal a voice as she could manage.

Tara nodded, smirking as she poked the pan with one finger. "I hope it was worth it Xander," she groused at the cake as Willow giggled.

"We'll have to make sure to tell him that you almost lost a finger for him," Willow agreed sarcastically.

Tara nudged her with an elbow, grinning sideways at her. "Cake making is very dangerous," she said plaintively, her smile crooked.

Willow grinned, laughing. "So what do we do with our dangerous cake?" she asked.

"We take it out of the pan to cool," Tara answered. "Then once it's cool, we cover it in your fresh red icing and we can go get some sleep for the party tomorrow," she finished.

Willow checked the clock, surprised to realize that it was after midnight. "Sorry Tara. I can finish up if you're sleepy."

Tara shook her head, hair falling over her eyes. "It's fine Willow. We're normally up later than this studying or watching TV anyway. It's no big deal." She pushed her hair back with one finger. "Besides, cake making is fun, right?"

Willow smiled gratefully. "Yeah, it is." She didn't want to make Tara uncomfortable, and was having a lot of fun making the cake, but she was nervous about the multiple moments of tension between them. She was afraid that they would drive Tara to run screaming from her, ending their training and more importantly, potentially causing more damage to the relationship between them. She'd had hope that it had been getting better, but feared that after tonight, the awkward, halting conversations and unintentional touching would mess up her chances to fix anything.

But Tara was staying, she reminded herself. She was staying and they were going to finish Xander's cake and have a birthday party for him. Willow smiled to herself. For all that she couldn't remember much about her life before three months ago, it wasn't all that bad, she mused, giving Tara a sidelong glance as the blonde carefully turned the cake pan over, smiling in satisfaction as it didn't stick, plopping out gently onto the cooling rack she'd found somewhere.

They cleaned the kitchen in silence, washing everything they had already used while they waited for the cake to cool enough to not melt the icing. Tara put the milk and butter back in the fridge while Willow was wiping the counter tops down, both lost in their own thoughts. They moved around each other easily, comfortable in the quiet and Willow looked over as Tara held a testing hand over the cake, trying to feel any heat still radiating from the slab.

Willow moved to join her, smiling. "How's it feel?" she asked.

Tara smiled back at her, reaching across Willow to pick up the bowl of icing. "Grab me a spreader and I'll help with this icing," she prompted.

Willow found the requested utensil and passed it over, biting her lip as she smiled. Life was definitely looking up.


	8. Chapter 8

Early update because I'm busy this week... Next chapter will be up on Sunday...

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The coven witches were mingling with each other, their large dining hall decorated for Xander's birthday. Tara and Buffy were talking quietly with Xander, distracting him while Willow and Giles were bringing Anya out from her hiding spot in the kitchen.

Xander grinned as Willow touched his elbow, and he looked sideways at her. "This is great Will. Thanks so much," he said, hugging her.

The redhead shrugged, smiling up at him. "You haven't even gotten your present yet," she said.

Xander blinked, looking between the three grinning women. "Present? You guys threw me a party, you didn't need to get me a present."

Buffy nodded. "We think you'll appreciate this," she commented, turning him by his shoulders so that he could see Anya, the ex-demon bouncing excitedly on her toes.

Xander's jaw dropped and his eyes widened, his feet carrying him forward without his brain issuing any such orders. Anya managed to stay in her spot, her arms spread wide as he reached her, spinning her around excitedly. She kissed him eagerly as he stopped their spin and her arms curled around his neck. Xander kept his arms tight around her as he kissed her back, the others glancing at each other uncomfortably at the extended kiss.

The coven witches were staring at the enthusiastic couple and Buffy and Tara exchanged smiles and shrugs. They knew better than to expect anything different from Anya, especially an Anya who'd been deprived of her Xander for more than a month.

Giles made his way over to the coven witches, trying to distract them from the kissing pair and make apologies for their public display.

Xander was breathing hard as they separated and he turned to look at his friends. "You guys did this?" he asked, his arms tight around Anya.

"Happy birthday!" Willow said, grinning widely.

Xander moved to hug her, laughing as Anya didn't relinquish her grip on him. He pulled Willow into a one armed hug, pressing a kiss to her hair. "Thank you Willow. It means a lot that Anya is here for my birthday."

"I'm prepared to give you many orgasms for your birthday Xander," the former vengeance demon said cheerfully.

The flustered young man coughed suddenly and Willow's eyes widened as she stared at the other woman.

"Willow made you a cake," Buffy spoke up quickly, pulling Xander's arm from around Willow and dragging him, still with Anya clinging to his side, to the table where his birthday cake was on display.

Willow was staring after the couple, her face seemingly frozen in a look of horrified disgust. Tara put a supportive hand on her shoulder, drawing Willow's attention.

"That's the look you always have when Anya speaks. She's very…vocal about sex," Tara apologized.

Willow blinked, her jaw hanging open and Tara giggled. "He's marrying her?"

Tara nodded. "They're in love." Her eyes followed the pair and a fond smile came to her lips. "They're sort of cute once you get used to Anya's bluntness." Her eyes found Willow's again. "And she's important to him. It really does mean a lot to him that she's here."

"It was you and Buffy's idea," Willow said.

Tara nodded again. "I know, but it really is very important that you and Anya get along. He loves you both a lot."

Willow nodded, letting out a deep breath. "Okay, I get the message," she said, giving Tara a smile. "Let's go watch him blow out his candles," Willow prompted, cocking her head towards the cake table.

They all mingled with the witches while they ate cake, trying to get to know these people who'd been helping them so much. Tara was talking with Giles and another witch when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She knew who it was as soon as the hand touched her, and she turned to see Willow standing behind her and an unconscious smile crossed her lips.

"Hey," Willow said, suddenly shy and shuffling her feet.

Tara pushed her hair behind one ear with a finger. "Hey," she replied. "What's up?" she asked when she sensed that Willow wasn't going to say anything else.

The redhead shrugged uncomfortably. "I…um…nothing," she finished quickly, spinning on her heel and rushing into the crowd. Tara frowned, handing her drink off to Giles and following after Willow.

She was still several feet away when she saw Willow drag Xander onto the dance floor by one hand. Tara stopped herself beside Anya and Buffy, frowning. "What's going on?" she asked them, looking between the pairs.

Anya shrugged, taking a sip of her drink. "Your orgasm friend borrowed my Xander." Tara shot her a look, her arms stiff at her sides. "Oh, but not for orgasms, just for dancing," she added reassuringly as she picked up on the witch's frustration. A look of consternation crossed the ex-demon's face as something occurred to her. "Although, if she's not getting her orgasms from you, she could be wanting to get them from Xander," she reasoned, standing up in sudden anxiety. Tara was glaring at her and Buffy quickly put herself between them.

"Willow doesn't want Xander for orgasms Anya. She's trying to hide from Tara on the dance floor," the Slayer told her.

Tara frowned, her fingers playing unconsciously with the sides of her skirt. "Why would she be hiding from me? I was on the other side of the room and she came over to me…"

Buffy put a comforting hand on her friend's arm. "She wanted to ask you to dance I think," she said, watching her best friends move across the floor.

Tara blinked, her eyes finding Willow across the room. "Oh," she said quietly, a look of sadness crossing her face. Buffy looked between them, making a decision and taking Tara's hand, pulling the surprised witch onto the dance floor with her.

"Buffy, what?" Tara asked, confused as the Slayer's arms curled around her neck.

The Slayer shrugged, grinning innocently. "It's a party. You can't just stand on the side and mope all night." Tara opened her mouth to speak and Buffy shook her head. "I know you weren't moping, but you would have been after that."

Tara sighed, giving her friend a grateful smile. "Thanks Buffy."

"Just don't let Willow kill me over this once she's back to normal," Buffy said, grinning. "Make sure she knows it was completely platonic. No wandering hands, I promise." She winked and Tara laughed, shaking her head.

"You're crazy," she said, laughing as Buffy attempted to twirl her.

Xander glanced down at Willow as she sighed, her eyes lingering on something behind him. "You okay? Did I step on your foot?" he asked, trying a grin.

She didn't return it, shaking her head. "No, you're fine."

Xander looked over his shoulder to where Tara was dancing with Buffy, the pair obviously having fun. "Willow," he started, pausing when she looked up at him, her confusion obvious in her eyes. "It will be okay," he finished. "I promise."

She let her forehead drop against his chest. "She hates me, doesn't she?"

Xander frowned, shaking his head. "Of course she doesn't. Tara could never hate you Willow."

"She's so jumpy around me, even after all these months," Willow said and Xander let out a deep breath.

"It's complicated with you and Tara. I promise you that she does not hate you though. You know I can't talk about this Willow," he said regretfully.

"I know," she said quietly, her head still pressed against his shirt. Xander sighed heavily, hating how miserable Willow obviously was and frustrated with not being able to do anything to help her. His eyes found Buffy and Tara again and he steered himself and Willow towards the other Scoobies as he made a quick decision.

Willow looked up in surprise as she felt Xander detach himself from her, catching Buffy's hand and spinning them away as he declared loudly that he was cutting in. Willow and Tara were left staring at each other on the floor as the song changed to something slower and the redhead let out a breath, moving towards the wall after a moment.

Tara only let her take a step, catching the redhead's hand and stopping her retreat. "Dance with me?" she asked quietly.

Willow's eyes widened and she nodded, biting her lip as her arms came up into a formal dancing posture. Tara blinked in surprise, a smile growing on her face. Willow looked at her arms and down at her feet, but could see nothing wrong. "What? Did I get it wrong?" she asked in confusion.

"You remember," Tara said simply, letting her posture mirror Willow's as she led their dance. Willow still looked confused and the blonde blushed as she continued. "I taught you this."

Willow smiled in sudden grateful surprise, looking at their clasped hands, their other hands on each others hips. "You did?" she asked. "I was kind of curious. I don't remember dance lessons, but all these steps are just in my head."

Tara's smile was crooked and she nodded. "I taught you. After school and on weekends."

Willow grinned back. "So, why did I want to learn to dance?"

Tara shrugged, laughing quietly. "I don't actually know. You just came in one day and asked if I could teach you."

Willow thought for a moment. "Was it for Xander's wedding? Maybe I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be embarrassed at the wedding."

Tara shook her head. "No, I doubt it. It was before they got engaged. We were both still living in the dorms when you asked about it." She bit her lip, glancing at Willow. "It will come in handy for the wedding though. You are the best man," she said, smirking.

Willow blinked in surprise. "I'm Xander's best man and I don't even remember?" she asked, horrified. "I'm an awful friend!"

Tara shook her head quickly. "No you're not. I'm sure you'll be back to normal before the wedding. Xander wouldn't get married without his best friend up there beside him," she said.

Willow nodded, relieved. "So I'm the best man…who's the maid of honor?" she asked. "Hopefully I won't step on their feet too bad if they make us dance."

Tara blushed, remembering suddenly that she had been asked to stand up as maid of honor. In all the rush of trouble over Willow and the magic, she'd completely forgotten. "Actually, it's me," she answered quietly.

Willow blinked in surprise. "That's lucky," she commented, grinning.

Tara was thinking rapidly, suddenly trying to remember when exactly Anya had asked her to stand up with her. Had it been before or after her and Willow's last awful fight? Had their friends been setting them up to get back together this whole time? She knew that Anya would insist on all the traditional dances, including the best man dancing with the maid of honor.

"Um, Tara?" Willow questioned. "Are you okay?" Her head was cocked to look Tara in her unseeing eyes, concern clear in her own green eyes.

Tara blinked as she came back to the present, nodding finally. "Yes, I'm okay. I just got distracted, sorry," she apologized. A smile came unbidden to her lips. She had to admire their efforts. And she'd get to dance with Willow.

She guided them into a turn, feeling Willow's automatic counter steps, the redhead grinning in delight. "I'm glad you taught me to dance Tara. This is fun," she said.

Tara nodded, laughing. "Sure Willow."

"And hopefully I won't step on your feet at the wedding," she commented, missing Tara's expression as she focused on her steps.

The song changed again and Willow unconsciously took the lead, having fun practicing her dancing. If it caused her to linger in Tara's arms, then so be it, she decided, biting her lip as she studied the blonde, masking it with a glance at her feet.

Tara could see that Buffy and Xander had finished dancing, both now sitting with Anya, watching the couple on the dance floor with smiles on their faces. Xander toasted to Tara with his drink and Tara couldn't find it in her to be angry. She knew their friends were rooting for her and Willow to get back together. They were just trying to help, any way that they could. And if the result was that she got to spend a night dancing with Willow, what could be wrong with that?

She sighed to herself as Willow guided them through a turn. She knew exactly what was wrong with that. The girl in her arms cared for her, possibly loved her, and she knew that as soon as Willow regained her memories that could all be gone. She shouldn't be letting any of them, Willow, Xander, or Buffy, get their hopes up that anything could happen after the memory spell was broken. Even as she thought it however, her eyes lingered on Willow and she could almost believe that there was a chance herself.

* * *

The nights were still uncomfortably cold this early in the year, but Tara barely noticed, just pulling her scarf more tightly around her neck as she leaned back against the tree. Xander's party had finished about an hour ago, Anya dragging the birthday boy away with an inappropriate suggestion that had left the peaceful and private coven witches gasping and blushing in embarrassment. Buffy had gone to bed and Tara had tossed and turned, attempting to find slumber, but sleep had been elusive and she'd given up, wandering outside so her own restlessness wouldn't wake Buffy.

Willow had been flush with the success of her party and Tara couldn't have been happier for her, loving seeing her girl restored to her former easy joy. But now that the festivities were over and the others were sleeping, Tara had slipped out into the cool night air, left alone with her thoughts.

Memories danced in front of her eyes, her first birthday party with Willow and the Scoobies overlaid with sporadic memories of birthday parties from before that, with her other family, her mother's pale face hiding every trace of illness from the young girl.

She didn't know why these recollections were tied together in her mind, they had little in common with each other, much less with the party she'd attended that very day for Xander. Letting out a deep breath, Tara leaned her head back against the rough bark of the tree, seeing the stars through the thin winter branches of the tree.

Perhaps she was thinking of the parties as a way of introducing the central women in the memories. She'd always wished there was a way to talk to her mother. So much had changed since her death, so many things Tara wanted to share with her, and chief among them was Willow. Tara could imagine her mother meeting the charming redhead, knowing that her mother would have loved the sweet girl from the first meeting, just as she had herself.

It was all conjecture though, and pointless really, Tara mused. There was no way to talk to her mother and there was nothing to be gained by wishing for it to be different. It had never worked before, and nothing would change for spending time thinking about it.

She jumped in surprise as a twig crackled behind her, and her head spun to look over her shoulder. Willow was bundled up in the long brown coat she'd had since college, the white fur on the collar always tickling her ears when she wore it. There was a blanket folded under one arm, and she took a tentative step forward when she saw Tara's eyes on her.

"I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Willow said, holding the blanket out. "I can go."

Tara shook her head and Willow walked the rest of the way without waiting for a further invitation, drawn by the sadness she could see in the deep blue eyes. She dropped to her knees next to Tara, turning to lean against the tree next to the blonde, and spreading the blanket over the two of them.

Willow stayed quiet, just resting next to Tara and letting their combined warmth fill the blanket around them.

"I'm impressed," Tara murmured without looking over a few minutes later, her eyes returned to the stars overhead. "You're not normally quiet for so long."

Willow took that as permission to ask and spoke quietly. "What are you thinking about?"

"Birthdays," Tara said. Willow kept quiet and Tara's hand found hers under their blanket, thumb brushing over her knuckles. "My mom always wanted to throw big birthday parties. Dad never let us go too crazy though." Her eyes finally found Willow's. "She'd have loved your party for Xander," she said, smiling gently, sadness lingering in her eyes.

"Is it hard to talk about her?" Willow asked. She remembered her parents perfectly, which told her that they had nothing to do with her magical life and she remembered clearly them using her birthday as an excuse for a formal dinner party with their work companions.

Tara shrugged minutely, still playing absently with Willow's fingers, rolling the digits individually between her own fingers without seeming to realize what she was doing. Willow had no intention of bringing it to her attention for fear the unconscious touching would stop. And if it comforted Tara to hold her hand, why would she want to take that away from her, Willow justified her actions to herself.

"It was at first. I couldn't even think about her for the first few months without crying. It gets easier though. You don't even feel it happening. It's like you wake up one day and you realize that the thought that she's gone doesn't rip a hole in your guts, and you almost feel guilty about it, but life goes on and it gets even easier. It happens so slowly that you don't even notice. Eventually it's like I told Dawn after Joyce died, you make a place for them in your heart."

Tara swallowed thickly as she stopped speaking, feeling drained suddenly. It had been a long time since anyone had asked her about her mother. She and Willow had talked about her some, but the redhead had always let Tara initiate the anecdotes, never pushing the blonde to share.

"She'd have loved you," Tara whispered and her voice cracked. Willow hesitated for a heartbeat before she slowly pulled her hand out of Tara's, lifting her arm to wrap it around the blonde's shoulders, offering her other hand under the blanket. Tara took it without speaking, her head leaning sideways onto Willow's shoulder, knowing she was playing with fire, and the heart of the innocent Willow beside her, but found herself unwilling to fight against her desires at that moment. She was being offered comfort and she was going to take it.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to meet her," Willow said quietly. "I'm sure she was an amazing woman."

"She was," Tara said. There was a pause and Willow wondered if Tara would close up, retreat from her. "I used to talk to her sometimes, or write her a letter or something, when things were bad after she died." Willow didn't speak and Tara continued slowly. "Sometimes that's what I miss the most about her, being able to talk to her, ask her for advice. Other days it's the way the house smelled when she was cooking, or the way her skin was always so warm and she'd hug me and it would feel safe, and constant, and nothing could get me if her arms were around me." Tara's voice continued, still quiet and low, and Willow wondered if the blonde was even aware of her presence. Tara's head moved slightly against Willow's shoulder and she let out a deep breath. "I always think about her on my own birthday and holidays, but normally I don't get all weepy like this because of other people's birthdays. Sorry."

Willow shook her head. "No, it's good. I mean, it's good to talk about her. And I'm glad you're sharing it with me. I'm sorry I don't remember. I'd probably know something better to do for you."

"You're doing it," Tara said, her thumb sliding over the back of Willow's hand, and her head moved slightly closer to the redhead's neck. She knew that she should put some distance between them, that she was giving them both false hopes, but she was unable to pry herself from the comfort of Willow's arm around her, the familiar feel of her lover's hand in hers.

Willow felt a shiver slide down her spine that had nothing to do with the cold night air and everything to do with Tara's soft touch. Tara knew what Willow was reacting to, but deliberately misinterpreted it, pulling the blanket closer around the two of them. Willow stayed quiet, letting her head lean to the side, her cheek resting against the top of Tara's head.

"What were you doing coming out here anyway?" Tara asked, not moving her head from its spot.

Willow hesitated before she spoke, finally deciding to tell the truth. "I was looking for you. You weren't in your bed, so I was walking around."

Tara sat up quickly, turning to look at Willow fully for the first time since her arrival. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

Willow blinked in surprise, shaking her head. "No, I'm fine."

"Nothing happened? You weren't practicing a spell?" Tara questioned.

The redhead shook her head, confused. "No. I don't really do spells unless you're there. I know the coven said I should practice, but I'm already really strong and I don't mess up that much any more." She looked at Tara, taking a deep breath. "I know I'm supposed to be this awesome mega witch, but honestly, a lot of magic just seems to be taking the easy way out. There are better ways to do things," she said, fidgeting with her fingers, suddenly worried that she'd offended the other witch. "Not that I mean it's bad if that's how you like to do things," she apologized quickly.

Tara shook her head rapidly, feeling sudden hope blossom in her chest. "No, you're right Willow. I'm glad you're taking the lessons to heart. It's really good," she said quietly, cursing to herself as she realized that her voice was choked up with sudden tears.

Willow's eyebrows furrowed in concern as she lifted a hand to Tara's cheek. "I'm so sorry," she murmured, not sure exactly what she was apologizing for, but Tara's tears blossomed over her eyelashes, spilling down her cheeks and Tara's shaking hand covered her mouth as the blonde choked back a sob.

Buffy's voice startled them both as she appeared suddenly, rushing down the hill from the coven. "What happened?" she asked, looking around cautiously for any attacker. Willow shook her head, upset, and Buffy dropped her knees in front of Tara as Willow pulled her hand back in confusion. "Tara, what happened?" Buffy breathed, her arms sliding around the crying witch's back as Tara clung to her, her tears soaking into the Slayer's shirt.

Buffy glanced over her shoulder to where Willow was lingering in obvious confusion and Buffy slipped one arm under Tara's knees, lifting her into her arms, sensing that she wouldn't get any answers from Tara while Willow was there.

Willow followed them despondently, trying to figure out what she had done to upset Tara so thoroughly, the blanket she'd brought folded over her arm. The door to Buffy and Tara's room closed behind them and Willow didn't open it, leaning herself against the hallway wall.

Buffy put the witch down gently in her bed, Tara's arms still curled tightly around her neck. "Tara, what happened? Did Willow do something?"

Tara shook her head, hiccupping as she tried to control her emotions. "S-s-she apologized…"

Buffy frowned in thought. "But she doesn't remember what she did…" she said, trying not to sound harsh, but not wanting Tara's hopes to rise too high.

"I know, but she's got it, she's figured it out," Tara breathed, her hands trembling against Buffy's shirt.

Buffy pulled back in surprise, looking at the witch in concern. "The memory spell broke?" she asked.

Tara shook her head and Buffy realized that the blonde witch was smiling through her tears. "No, the magic, she figured out what she didn't understand last time."

Buffy sighed in relief. "Tara, you scared me half to death! I wake up and you're gone. I find you outside in the middle of the night, with Willow, crying your eyes out. I had no idea what had happened." She brushed Tara's hair out of her face gently. "She didn't hurt you?" Buffy checked, leaning her head down to catch the witch's eye.

"No, she was sweet. We were talking about my mom," Tara said.

Buffy winced. "Sorry Tara," she apologized, feeling her sorrow over her own mother's death rising up her spine.

Tara blinked, pulling the Slayer's head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry Buffy. I know it's still really soon, but whenever you want to talk about her, I'll listen." She smiled sadly. "We all loved your mom."

Buffy nodded against her, choking back her own feelings. "I know. She loved all of you too." She pulled back slowly. "She never got a chance to tell you, but she thought you and Willow are cute together."

Tara smiled crookedly, nodding her head slowly. "We were," she mused quietly.

Buffy shook her head at the witch and Tara gave her a questioning look. "I don't want to hear any of this past tense crap," she said firmly. "You will look cute together again in the future. And you two were looking pretty cute tonight on the dance floor," she said, smirking as she pushed her grief over her mother firmly to the back of her mind.

Tara arched an eyebrow at her friend, pushing the Slayer's shoulder. "I owe you some payback for that one," she said.

Buffy lifted both hands defensively. "Hey! That was all Xander. I had nothing to do with it!" she stated even as she laughed.

"You didn't stop him. You're strong enough that he couldn't drag you away if you didn't want to go," Tara argued. "And that reminds me, how exactly did I end up as Anya's maid of honor?" she asked, wiping her sticky face.

Buffy shrugged, frowning at her. "I'm going to have to plead confusion on this one. What does that have to do with Willow?"

"You guys weren't arranging it so we'd have to dance at the reception?" Tara asked accusingly, eyes locked on the Slayer's face. Buffy's expression gave Tara all the clues she needed and she slapped one hand down on her own leg. "Buffy!"

"It was actually Anya's idea!" the Slayer defended herself. "You know she likes you. You're the only one who she doesn't drive crazy. And having you with Willow makes her feel better about the possibility that Willow might someday want Xander back."

Tara sighed, rolling her eyes and smiling despite herself. "Anya needs to remember that Willow likes girls. Xander is missing some prerequisites for that."

Buffy nudged the witch gently, relieved to see her smiling without tears in her eyes. "You know she doesn't just like girls though Tara," Buffy said quietly. "You're the only woman in the world to her," she added as Tara met her eyes. The Slayer bit her lip. "She actually asked me about her liking girls when she woke up. She wanted to know if it was new."

Tara laughed, her head leaning back against the wall as she let herself begin to feel real hope. "What did you tell her?"

"She wanted to know if you and Xander were a couple. I told her she's a one woman girl. She's been crazy about you since the second she woke up. The coven said they couldn't take her feelings away, remember? She loves you and you know it," Buffy said, leaning against the wall next to her friend, reaching over slowly to take one of Tara's hands, offering her comfort and support. "What happened tonight Tara?"

The witch let out a deep breath. "She said that magic seems like the easy way out, that the normal way is better."

"Which is what she wasn't getting last time?" Buffy asked.

Tara shook her head, a tired smile on her face. "It's working," she sighed, her head dropping against the Slayer's shoulder, suddenly unable to hold her eyes open in the aftermath of the night's revelations.

Buffy squeezed her hand gently. "It's all going to be okay Tara," she said quietly. She was surprised a second later as Tara jerked away from her. "What? What's wrong?" Buffy asked, looking around their dark room for anything that could have disturbed the witch.

"Willow," Tara said, already moving toward the edge of the bed. "She's just out in the hall. I'm sure I scared her, crying like that."

Buffy caught her quickly, gently guiding the overwrought witch back to her own bed. "Tara, you're worn out. It's been a long day for you. You get in bed and I'll talk to Willow, okay?" She smiled gently. "You might be the love of her life, but I'm still her best friend. Let me take care of this one, okay?"

Tara nodded wearily, unable to argue around her yawning. Buffy tucked her in gently and smiled as the blonde witch was almost instantly asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Technically it's still Saturday here, but I'm bored, so here's the update a whole half hour early...

* * *

Willow jumped to her feet as Buffy came though the bedroom door, closing it carefully behind her. "Is she…? Did I…? What did I do?" Willow asked, taking several short steps toward the door and then retreating.

Buffy shook her head, biting back a smile. "She's okay Willow. She's sleeping now."

"What did I do?" the distraught witch asked again. "I didn't mean to hurt her Buffy. You know I wouldn't, but she was crying, and I don't know why…"

The Slayer nodded reassuringly. "It's okay, I promise. She's not mad at you," the Slayer assured her. "Come take a walk with me and we'll talk," she offered.

Willow nodded distractedly, falling into step beside Buffy and following without paying attention, letting the Slayer lead them where she would. She glanced over at Buffy as they walked, wanting to ask more questions, wanting to know what she'd done wrong.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Buffy said, looking sideways at her friend, seeing the fear in the witch's face. Willow's mouth dropped open and Buffy smiled gently at her friend's surprise. "We've been friends for a long time Willow. I can normally figure out what's going on in your head."

The witch nodded, wondering silently if her friends knew how deeply she felt for the beautiful blonde witch.

"Which is why I know that you're in love with Tara," Buffy continued, laughing as Willow gaped at her. "You're not as sneaky as you think you are my friend."

"You're just a mind reader or something," Willow complained.

The Slayer shook her head, still laughing. "I know this is going to sound weird, but why do you love Tara? What is it about her?" Willow just stared at her and Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. "I know it is a weird question, but just answer it for me, okay?"

Willow blinked. "Are you blind, or deaf, or something? Tara's amazing. Anybody can see that." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "She's smart, and funny, patient, thoughtful, generous, completely gorgeous, strong, sweet. When she smiles it makes my heart skip a beat, even if she's not smiling at me. When she's feeling really shy she ducks her head to make her hair fall in her face, and when she laughs it makes the whole room light up." She blushed suddenly, feeling the tips of her ears burning as her face reddened. "Being around her, it's better than any magic, better than anything I can imagine," Willow said earnestly, anxious to make Buffy understand that her feelings were real, even if her memories were gone.

Buffy smiled, nodding as she struggled to control her sudden emotions. She'd watched Willow and Tara's relationship grow, once she finally noticed that it existed, but there was much that the two girls kept private about their feelings, not that someone couldn't take one look at either one of them and see how much they loved each other. It was different hearing it directly from Willow's mouth though, and Buffy blinked back sudden tears.

"I know all that. Tara's a good friend. I'm just looking out for her. You can understand that, right?"

Willow let out a deep breath, nodding. "I get that. You don't think I'm going to hurt Tara, do you? Cause I would never do anything like that!"

Buffy stepped forward quickly, pulling her friend into a hug. "I know you wouldn't Willow. I'm just scared that you and Tara might hurt each other without meaning to."

Willow frowned at the Slayer. "What do you mean?"

Buffy sighed, wondering how much was too much to share with the intelligent redhead. "You are very…important to Tara," she started slowly, choosing her words carefully. "That's why she's here. She cares a lot about you, and wants to make sure your magic training stays on track." Buffy paused, studying her friend's expression. "It's her first priority Willow."

"So I should back off?" Willow questioned.

Buffy nodded slowly. "That's pretty much what I'm saying I guess. You're very important to her Willow. Can't that be enough, for now?"

Willow nodded silently. "What if I never get the chance for anything else?" she asked, letting her fear rise to the surface for a moment.

Buffy let out a deep breath, hugging Willow tight. "Just give it time Willow. Just give her time."

Tara was smiling as she woke up and it took her a moment to remember the night before. She shot bolt upright in her bed as the memories came back and she wrapped her arms around her knees, giggling helplessly into the soft fabric of her pajama pants.

"Someone's happy this morning," Buffy said, her voice still thick with sleep.

Tara was across the room in a second, throwing herself onto the Slayer's bed. "What happened last night? How's Willow? Is she completely freaked?" she rambled the questions, practically vibrating in her excitement.

Buffy blinked up at her, turning onto her back to look at her fully. "I've never heard you talk so fast. Were you totally channeling Will right then? Because that was funny," she commented, smiling sleepily. "Willow is fine, Tara. We talked and I sent her to bed."

Tara bit her lip, her eyes wide. "And?"

"And what?" Buffy asked, deliberately playing dumb.

"What did she say?" Tara asked, slapping one hand down against the covers of Buffy's bed.

"She's completely over the moon for you Tara," Buffy said gently, smiling up at her. "She was very relived to hear that you weren't mad at her, and she thinks you're sweet, and funny, and smart, and gorgeous, and all of that good stuff," she recited, grinning at the look on Tara's face.

The witch looked as if she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Buffy sat up as she started to do both, tears sliding down her cheeks even as she laughed, a shaking hand covering her mouth. The Slayer pulled her into a hug, Tara's arms wrapping tightly around her shoulders.

After a few minutes Tara's frantic laughter eased and she pulled back, wiping her tears with both hands. "Thank you Buffy," she said sincerely, a radiant smile on her face.

"Now maybe you'll believe us when we say that everything is going to be fine," Buffy said, smiling.

"Willow's come a long way," Tara agreed. "It doesn't mean that she's going to want me back."

Buffy flopped back in the bed, laughing in frustration. "She told me last night that she loves you! She said that you make her feel better than any of the magic. That doesn't mean that she wants you back?"

"I just need to hear it from her, _with_ her memories," Tara said. "I see all the evidence, really I do Buffy, but I can't leave my heart out there to get broken again if she's going to want me gone after she gets her memories back."

The Slayer sighed, tucking one arm behind her head as she looked up at the witch. "That makes sense I guess." She studied the other woman's face as she spoke again. "For what it's worth, me and Xander are positive that it'll be less than a minute after the coven breaks that spell before she's begging you to take her back."

Tara smiled down at her, drawing her knee up and resting her head against it. "We'll see," she said noncommittally.

"Come on! You can do better than that!" Buffy demanded, grinning.

"I hope you're right," Tara amended her statement and Buffy rolled her eyes.

"How much longer does she have anyway?"

Tara shrugged. "Not too much longer. She's getting stronger every day," she said and Buffy could detect the pride in her voice.

"Perfect! Then you'll see how right me and Xander are!" she said eagerly.

Tara rolled her eyes. "So much for not getting my hopes up," she said, almost to herself, giving the Slayer a sardonic smile.

"Well, if it makes it any easier, a firm direction to back off was part of my talk with Willow last night," Buffy offered, not quite sure how Tara would react to that news.

"You told her?!" Tara asked, spine suddenly tense.

Buffy shook her head quickly, sitting up. "No, no way. I just said that her training was your first priority and it might be nice of her, seeing how she _loves _you," Buffy added in with a grin, "to chill with the mushy stuff until the magic stuff is taken care of."

Tara nodded, deciding quickly that that was the best she could hope for, and hoping that it would provide a reprieve from being overwhelmed with Willow's unintentional temptations, the things she didn't even realize she was doing that drove Tara crazy.

"Thanks Buffy," she said genuinely, sliding off the bed as they both heard the morning bell chime.

Tara walked back to her bed, gathering clean clothes to change into and heading for the bathroom. Buffy's voice made her pause. "She's just as scared as you are that the memory spell will ruin things. She thinks you won't want her once she's who she used to be."

Tara didn't turn, just lingered in the doorway for a moment, leaving Buffy to flop back into her bed again.

* * *

Willow was already at breakfast when Tara and Buffy came in and her eyes dropped to her plate as Tara's eyes landed on her. She speared a piece of pear with her fork, nibbling on it as the two blondes joined her at the table. Xander was a no show, but that was to be expected after almost a month away from Anya.

Buffy sat down across from Willow, and turned quickly to slide both of her legs over the entire bench beside her, leaving Tara the option of sitting on Buffy's legs or sitting beside Willow. The witch shot her friend a look, but took the seat next to the redhead. The Slayer just grinned gleefully, chewing on a corner of her toast as she spun around to sit normally.

Willow glanced sideways at Tara, unsure how to act after the night before. The last thing she was expecting was for Tara to lean over and press a kiss to her cheek. Willow was instantly bright red, her jaw hanging open.

"What was that for?" she asked, eyes wide.

Tara smiled at her, but it wasn't a smile Willow had ever seen from her before. If Tara's normal smiles were enough to make the magic feel like weak tea, this smile made the magic an insignificant drop of tap water. To say nothing of the feel of Tara's lips on her skin. Willow stopped her mind quickly, seeing Buffy's failing efforts to stop her own laughter out of the corner of her eye.

Tara shrugged, the look on Willow's face thrilling her at the same time that she recognized that she might have pushed the redhead too far.

"You were just really sweet last night. I won't forget it," she said, hoping the intended message would make it through Willow's sure to be frantic, mile a minute brain. She bit her lip as she glanced at Buffy, seeing the Slayer barely restraining her laughter across the table, and shooting the giddy Buffy a look.

Buffy shrugged, shoving the rest of her piece of toast into her mouth to stifle her laughter. Tara shook her head at her friend, but couldn't keep the smile from her face. A glance at Willow showed that the redhead was still staring at her.

As Tara's eyes fell on her again, Willow realized that she was still gaping and she turned quickly back to her breakfast, feeling her face still burning, her heartbeat slowly regaining its normal pace. "So, what are we doing today?" she asked, eyes locked on her plate and her hand absently picked up an orange from the plate and started peeling it.

Tara swallowed her sip of water, smiling at her own plate now. "Oh, I actually need to talk to Giles and the coven this morning, so maybe you and Buffy…"

The Slayer jumped in quickly. "Alright! Morning off! We'll have to do something to celebrate Will." She laughed. "I'd say we should go get Xander, but he'll be busy today if Anya has anything to say about it." She shrugged. "We'll figure something out. I never waste an opportunity to skip school."

Tara quirked an eyebrow at her. "I'm not sure if I should be offended or not," she stated.

Willow spoke suddenly, surprising them both. "I never skipped a day of school in my life," she said, glancing at both of the others. "Did I?'

Buffy laughed loudly, shaking her head. "I'm kind of sorry to say that you didn't until you met me. You don't remember much of high school or college, but we stay pretty busy and sometimes class doesn't make the cut."

Willow looked faintly horrified and Tara put a hand on her shoulder soothingly. "Don't listen to her. You still have a perfect score in all of your classes, even if you don't make it to every lecture," she said, shooting a look across the table at Buffy.

"Oh yeah, and you were valedictorian in high school!" Buffy chimed in.

Willow looked cheered up by that, as her fingers finished peeling the orange. She stared at it for a second, pulling out a section and fiddling idly with it. Tara pulled her hand back from Willow's shoulder, letting her fingers slide down the redhead's arm unconsciously.

Willow popped her orange section into her mouth quickly to keep from making a noise at the contact, coughing a little bit as she choked and Tara's hand was back on her back a second later, patting gently and then rubbing circles as Willow swallowed the piece quickly.

"You okay?" Tara asked, leaning forward to look at Willow's face. The redhead just nodded, thankful that at least this time her red face wasn't from surprised embarrassment, but just the regular kind.

"Thanks," she murmured. "Want a piece?" she offered suddenly, holding the orange out to the other witch.

Tara's eyes studied Willow's face for a brief second and she nodded, smiling shyly as she took a section. She turned it over in her fingers, looking at it closely before she took a bite, taking the second bite almost immediately as the juice started sliding down her fingers.

Willow was giggling and Buffy pushed a napkin across the table at her, smirking gleefully, and it occurred to Tara that the Slayer was getting entirely too much enjoyment from their situation. She coughed, aware of her complete lack of subtlety, but she figured that after the last few days, any attempts at subtlety were wasted on Willow.

"I think I'm going to go to that meeting with the coven now," Tara said, shaking her head at her friend as she turned on the bench, standing up quickly. "You guys have fun," she said, smiling at Willow and giving her shoulder a squeeze.

Willow watched her go, letting out a heavy sigh as her eyes met Buffy's. "Shut up," she muttered petulantly, smiling a moment later as Buffy grinned at her.

"Nobody can take a joke today," the Slayer commented, laughing.

Tara could hear Buffy's laughter behind her as she left the dining hall, echoed a second later by Willow's and she smiled to herself.

Giles and the coven witches were already in the library when she arrived. Giles gestured for her to take a seat, giving her a gentle smile as he saw the joy on her face.

"Good morning?" he mused, taking the seat beside her.

Her smile was bright, her hair falling across her face as she ducked her head. "Great morning," she agreed, a blush climbing up her neck. "What does the coven think? How's Willow doing?" she asked, trying to distract herself from her giddy hopes.

He glanced around at the library at the members of the coven. "That's what we're here to discuss." The other witches were milling around the library, not speaking but listening to him as he talked quietly with Tara and she wondered absently if they wanted her to hear the bad news from someone she knew.

The blonde witch mentally braced herself, waiting to hear that it hadn't been going as well as she'd hoped, that they would be here for another three months, another six. She resolved herself to the wait, another interminable period of waiting. But it was all for Willow, and she would wait as long as it took.

"The coven, and myself as well, think that Willow is doing well enough that the memory spell could be removed by the end of the month."

Giles continued to speak, but Tara couldn't hear him over the blood pounding through her skull. "A month?" she gasped, interrupting him.

He looked at her over his glasses, nodding gently. "Yes, Tara, one month." There was a look on his face, the soft look he gave Buffy when she wasn't looking at him, the one he gave Willow when she was being especially adorable, directed at Xander only when the carpenter demonstrated his frequently hidden ability to be insightful. Tara couldn't remember ever noticing it aimed at her, and her eyes dropped to his hand as it curled over her wrist on the armrest of the chair. His fingers squeezed gently.

"You've done an amazing job here, with Willow," he said quietly.

"She's the amazing one Giles," she corrected him. "She's really got it this time."

He nodded, hushing her. "I'm very aware of Willow's impressive abilities. She's quite unlike anyone else I've ever known and I'm very proud of her." He met her eyes squarely. "However, your own strength is not to just be cast aside. You've done something that none of the rest of us would have been able to do."

She shook her head at him, her hair sliding across her face as she ducked her head again. He didn't let her hide, pushing her head up gently with one finger under her chin.

"We're all very proud of you, and grateful, for everything you've done for Willow," he said. She nodded wordlessly, choking on emotion and trying to comprehend that in a month this could all be over. They could go home, go back to school, and get their lives back.

Within a month she'd have her answer.

Not that it hadn't been worth it, even if Willow didn't come back to her. She had meant what she'd told Xander all those months ago. What mattered was Willow. Anything beyond that would just have to wait, she reminded herself firmly.

Giles was watching her, seemingly able to trace her mental struggle on her face. "Buffy mentioned your…dilemma to me," he said gently, smiling as Tara's head dropped back on her neck, the blonde witch sighing.

"She just can't keep her mouth shut, can she?" Tara asked, the rhetorical question delivered with a smile.

The Watcher shrugged. "Buffy loves Willow, Tara. And she loves you. We are all very fond of the two of you." He met her eyes. "I've never seen Willow care for anyone the way she cares for you." He coughed, suddenly realizing how personal their conversation had become. "Trust in her," he said, his hand patting her wrist as he stood up.

Tara nodded, rising herself and hugging him gently. She pulled back before his surprise could fade enough for him to hug her back, and she smiled up at him. "Thank you Giles," she said softly. He nodded, one hand resting on her shoulder. She blinked, her expression going back to business. "So, one month?" The Watcher nodded again, adjusting his glasses with his free hand. "Should I tell Willow?"

He thought for a moment, finally shaking his head. "I would think not. She's so near the end, it might distract her to learn that the spell will be ending soon."

Tara nodded. "Fine," she agreed. "I can make it one more month, right?"

Giles nodded, smiling encouragingly. "Of course you can. We're all here for anything you need," he assured her.

The witch smiled, taking a deep breath. "We can do this."


	10. Chapter 10

Early update because we're getting to the end and I have some free time this morning... Last chapter/Beginning of the sequel will be up this weekend.

* * *

"The coven is afraid that you're letting your feelings control your actions. This is a crucial time. You need to be careful." Giles' voice was hesitant as he spoke.

"Oh, the coven thinks? The coven thinks? What about what I think Giles? I'm in love with her and _**the coven thinks**_ I can't tell her. What about that Giles?"

He sighed heavily, watching the pacing woman carefully. "I know, and I'm sorry, but it's only for a short time more. You can make it just a little longer, right?"

"It's been months already. I see her everyday and it kills me that I can't say anything."

"I know and I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can tell you that will make it better. You'll just have to get through it," he said sympathetically.

She groaned. "I know. I don't mean to complain, it's just frustrating." There was a distant bell and she sighed, standing up. "That's my cue, I've got to go."

She left the library, stopping in surprise as she immediately saw someone else in the hall. Her jaw dropped in shock and she cast a guilty glance over her shoulder. "Tara…hey."

The blonde witch smiled gently at her, obviously amused. "Hey Willow. I was looking for you."

"You were? Did you just get here? You didn't hear anything, did you?" Willow asked, slightly panicked. Tara laughed at the other girl's paranoia and Willow pouted. "You didn't, did you?"

"No Will. I just got here." She smiled crookedly and Willow felt her heart melt immediately. "Why? If it's important maybe Giles will fill me in," Tara said with a grin, taking several steps toward the library door before Willow intercepted her, looping an arm through Tara's and using it to pull her gently back down the hall.

"Or you could come with me," she suggested, smiling widely. Tara grinned as they got away from the library, exiting the building and walking down the hill. "So, where did you want to go today?" Willow asked, quietly thrilled that Tara hadn't moved to take her arm back, leaving them curled together.

The blonde shrugged, still smiling. "It doesn't matter to me. How about that nice spot under the tree?" she suggested.

Willow nodded, giving the other girl a sidelong glance. "That sounds great to me."

Tara noticed Willow looking at her but said nothing. To give herself away now, after months of trying to hide her feelings, would be too much of a risk. Not only did the coven think that it would distract Willow from the final stage of her magical education, but to find out for sure if her hopes would be dashed once Willow was fully restored to herself was a risk the blonde couldn't bring herself to take.

Tara was trying her best not to hope for anything. It had become more obvious every day that the other witch felt something for her, despite the redhead's best efforts to hide it, but Tara couldn't let herself hope that the feelings would remain once Willow got the memories back. She knew she shouldn't let herself drift so dangerously close to being honest about what she still felt for the other girl, but they'd been apart for so long, and she missed her so much… With a sigh she turned her attention back to reality.

The coven had spent the last four months teaching Willow the tenets of the Wiccan beliefs on magic, lessons on control and balance, surprised by the sheer power of the redhead. She had done amazingly well with the training and was now almost finished. Tara was proud of how well her girl had done with the training, but a small part of her feared the quickly approaching day when the memory spell would be broken.

They spent hours together every day, practicing and meditating. Today they were meditating until sundown and then they were going with Giles to London to pick up Buffy, Xander, and Dawn from the airport. It was spring break from school so Buffy had finally relented and allowed the youngest Scooby to join them on a trip to England. Buffy and Xander had spent a lot of time in England with Willow, only going home a few times during her stay there. The friends were all spending Dawn's vacation with the coven in England. It was the hope of the coven that Willow would be able to return home with them when they left at the end of the holiday. They had spoken to Tara and Giles about it, but Willow didn't know yet that she was so close to going home.

There was still a chill in the air, but it hadn't snowed in a few weeks so they were grateful for every day they could still meditate outside instead of having to stay inside. They seated themselves under the tree they favored and both concentrated on slowing down their breathing. The temperature dropped as the sun fell below the trees and Tara pulled herself out of her meditation as she felt the chill. Willow was still concentrating and Tara leaned back against the tree, giving herself a few moments to just watch the other woman without worrying about being caught.

It had been difficult for her to get used to interacting closely with Willow and not being able to express how she really felt about the other girl. She was constantly having to catch herself from saying something too personal. Buffy and Xander did their best to help cover for her whenever she slipped up, but they were all sure that Willow was catching more than she let on. It had grown more comfortable between them since Xander's birthday, almost like it been between them before, but the quickly approaching day when the spell would be broken was something Tara worried more about every day. Willow was always kind and friendly toward her, but she knew that the girl was hiding feelings of her own.

Willow's eyelashes fluttered as she came out of her meditation and she smiled as she opened her eyes to see Tara's hand extended to help her up. She took it and they walked back in silence, both caught up in their thoughts.

As they got within sight of the coven's home, Willow reached out and pulled Tara to a stop. The blonde looked at her curiously, their breath fogging in the cold air. Willow had been fighting with her attraction to the blonde witch and the feelings that she had developed for the other woman. Giles and Buffy had both told her not to say anything to Tara, but Willow could feel that there was something going on that involved herself and Tara that the others were not telling her. She was scared to get her memories back if it meant that the blonde witch would go back to the uncomfortable tension there had been between them when she had first woken up after her memory had been blocked.

"What is it? Are you alright?" Tara asked, smiling uncertainly and drawing Willow out of her thoughts.

Willow was looking at her nervously, her jaw moving with no words making their way out. Tara reached out to touch her shoulder supportively. "What is it? You can tell me," she said gently.

This was apparently what Willow needed to hear and she stepped closer to the other girl. Tara glanced down at the little bit of space between them, suddenly nervous, but didn't have time to say anything else before Willow was kissing her.

She was stunned and surprised, but her body knew instinctually how to respond when Willow kissed her and she returned the kiss immediately. One of Willow's hands came up to slide into Tara's hair, keeping her close. After a moment, she deepened the kiss, immediately gratified that Tara didn't stop her, but responded passionately, her arms wrapping around Willow's thin waist and pulling her tight against her own body.

Abruptly, Tara realized what she was doing and broke the kiss, stepping backwards quickly with one hand coming up to cover her mouth. "Oh God. Willow…I-I-I I'm sorry. That shouldn't have…I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." Her mind was screaming at her to just shut up and kiss her again, consequences be damned.

The redhead blinked at her in surprise, a stunned smile on her lips. "Don't be. That was amazing." Tara looked like she was going to bolt any second, and Willow touched her on the shoulder. "Tara, hey, I didn't mean to freak you out." She took a deep breath, looking the other girl in the eyes. "But that can't be the first time we've kissed. There's no way."

Tara shook her head, her hand coming up to her forehead, covering her eyes. "Willow, I can't talk about this…"

"Why not? There's something here! I know there is!" Willow demanded, stepping closer and keeping her gaze steady into Tara's eyes, her hand gently taking Tara's hand down from her face. She leaned closer slowly, her voice lowering. "I know you feel it too."

There was a moment of stillness before their mouths joined again, neither one sure who had moved first. One of Willow's hands slid back into Tara's hair, her other hand finding a grip on the blonde's hip, pulling her closer. Tara gave up trying to fight against it, the months of hiding her feelings forgotten in the feel of Willow's kiss. Her arms wrapped tightly around the woman she loved, her mouth dropping open under Willow's exploration. She could feel Willow's hand slipping through her hair and couldn't stop herself from moaning as the redhead's other hand slid down from her hip to her butt, pulling her in tighter.

They jerked back in surprise as they heard Buffy's startled exclamation of "Oh my God!" and Dawn's excited squeal. The witches jumped away from each other guiltily, turning to look at their friends.

Dawn had both hands covering her mouth and Buffy's jaw was hanging open. Xander was standing behind them with a wide grin on his face, not even trying to pretend that he wasn't thrilled with the discovery. Tara stared at them all for a long moment before the tension was too much and she bolted towards the house, leaving the others staring after her.

"Surprise," Buffy said weakly. "We're early."

Willow went to follow Tara, but Buffy intercepted her. "Whoa, maybe we should just slow down here for a minute and you fill us in on what's going on," Buffy said quickly, putting one hand on each of Willow's shoulders.

The witch tried to duck away from the Slayer, but was unable to get away. She scowled at the blonde. "Has anyone ever told you that you're freakishly strong?"

Buffy grinned and Xander laughed. "Yeah, actually I sort of hear that a lot. Now, what's going on? You and Tara were kissing Willow."

The redhead blushed, nodding. "Yeah, I kind of…laid one on her." Buffy's eyebrows raised in surprise and Willow quickly continued. "But that wasn't the first time we've kissed…"

Xander stepped forward. "You've kissed her before?" he asked, sudden tension in his voice. "We were only gone for a few days!"

She shook her head. "That's not what I mean. I don't remember kissing her before, but there's no way that was the first time we've kissed. It's impossible." She looked seriously at the three in front of her. "The way it felt when I kissed her, it was so familiar." Dawn's hands were clamped tightly over her mouth, but they couldn't hide the joy in her eyes. "There's something between us, isn't there?" Willow asked. "What is it?"

"You know we can't Will," Buffy said kindly. "The coven doesn't want it distracting you from your training."

"But there _**is **_something there?" she repeated.

Buffy shook her head. "Even if we could tell you, it's not our place. Tara…you would need to hear it from her."

Willow eyed each one of them. "But she's not going to tell me, is she?"

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. I doubt it, but…it's been rough few months for her. She doesn't like hiding this from you." Willow couldn't stop herself from looking hopeful. "Will, can you try and make this easier for her? Don't push her, alright? She'll tell you when she's ready."

The redhead nodded slowly, sighing. "I really do care about her. I may not remember anything from before, but these last four months with her have been amazing." She looked at them, suddenly shy. "I love her."

Dawn squeaked before she could stop herself and Buffy shot a look over her shoulder at her sister before she looked back at her best friend, hugging her quickly. "And believe us, no one will be happier about that than Tara is, but you can't let it distract you from finishing your training. Giles told us that you're almost done here. They said you can come home with us whenever we take Dawnie home."

Willow pulled back from the hug slowly, trying to think. "So I'm going to get my memories back?"

Xander nodded. "Yeah! And we can all go home and everything will be back to normal," he said enthusiastically, wrapping an arm around Dawn's shoulders.

Willow took a deep breath, looking at the ground. "What if I don't want to get my memories back? What if I'd rather stay like this?"

Xander's jaw dropped and he exchanged a nervous look with Buffy. "But why?" the Slayer asked.

"Tara was so uncomfortable with me after I woke up. I don't know what it was, but I get the idea that I hurt her pretty bad. And while we've been here…well, she's finally okay with me and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to go back to being the person that hurt her."

Buffy shook her head rapidly. "You're not Willow." She sighed heavily. "The person that hurt her is gone. I can't deny that you did something horrible to Tara, but you're not the same person you were. When you hurt her, you were abusing the magic and you were scared. You're not that way anymore. She knows that. But if we don't undo the memory blocks, then we've done the same thing to you."

Willow's expression was horrified. "I erased her memory? Why would I do that?"

"Crap," Buffy muttered. "You _**are**_ too smart to let you ask questions." She felt Xander step up beside her and glanced up at him quickly. He nodded slowly, squeezing her shoulder in support. "You need to talk to Tara. I've already told you too much. Just know Willow, that we _**know**_ that you would never do anything like that again. And Tara knows it too. She doesn't want you to stay like this. She wants Willow back - the real Willow…_**her**_ Willow."

"What if she doesn't?" Willow asked, her fear apparent.

Buffy smiled supportively. "Willow, I can't say for sure what's in Tara's heart, but I know how she acts and I see the look on her face when she looks at you. If I had to guess, I'd say she's just as scared as you are, about the same things. I don't know if you two can work it out, but I do know that you guys still feel for each other. The rest is up to the two of you."

"And no matter what happens, we love you both," Xander added, his hand touching Willow's hair gently.

She nodded, glancing distractedly in the direction Tara had gone. Buffy smiled gently at her. "Go on. Find her." Willow hugged her quickly before she took off up the hill. The others looked at each other in the darkness, not saying anything.

Giles looked up from his book in surprise as Willow burst into his room. He put his book down quickly and stood up, catching the witch by her shoulders. "Willow, what is it? Did you find Buffy and Xander? They were going to look for you. They've brought Dawn back with them to spend her spring break here with us."

She nodded, glancing around the room anxiously. "Giles, I need you to tell me something."

He looked her over carefully. "If I can, I will," he promised.

"Am I done, with the training, am I finished?"

He blinked in surprise, not expecting that question. "Well, Willow, actually yes. For the most part. The coven has been very impressed with your progress. You've done an incredible job. We were going to meet tomorrow to discuss ending the spell that's blocking your memories."

"Do it now," she said rapidly. "Please Giles, do it now."

He frowned. "What's wrong? What's your sudden hurry?"

"I kissed Tara and she took off, but I need to talk to her, and the others said…" She ran out of air and Giles looked her carefully in the eyes while she took a deep breath. "I just need to be myself again. I have to know if Tara and I can make it work and I can't do that until I'm Willow again."

He smiled gently at her. "If you're sure this is what you want, I'll be more than happy to see Willow again."

She nodded, closing her eyes tightly. "Let the spell be ended," he said quietly and she stumbled as the memories rushed back into her head. She saw herself hiding the flower under Tara's pillow and burning the crystal that had made everyone forget themselves. She opened her eyes as the memories of her degradation at Rack's house came to the forefront. Then there was the memory of her friends bursting in and taking her out of there. There were tears in her eyes and she blinked up at Giles.

The older man kept a steadying hand on her shoulder, looking her in the eyes and able to see that she'd been successfully restored simply by the look in her eyes. She leaned forward in a rush, hugging him tightly. After a moment of surprise, he hugged her back. "It's good to have you back Willow. I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you Giles," she breathed into his sweater, pulling back. "I've got to find her." He nodded, smiling gently. She bolted to the door, bumping into Buffy and Xander as they started to come in. They looked at each other in surprise as she threw her arms around both of them. "I missed you guys." She let them go and squeezed Dawn tightly. "I'm glad you're here Dawnie, and we'll talk when I get back, but I've got to go." She rushed down the hall, leaving her friends staring after her.

"Did she hit her head? We _**just **_saw her," Xander asked, confused.

"That was Willow," Giles said simply.

Everyone's eyes widened in surprise. "You undid the spell?" Buffy asked and her Watcher nodded. They all poked their heads back into the hallway, as if to make sure they'd really seen her.

"And she's going to find Tara?" Dawn asked excitedly, squealing happily when Giles nodded.

Willow didn't find her in the library, or in her own room, and was rushing past the door to the kitchen when she dimly heard crying inside. She hesitated only a moment before she opened the door and went in. The lights were off and she squinted in the darkness. The sobs were choked back as she stumbled in the dark, bumping into something, and she heard Tara's voice. "W-W-Willow?" the blonde asked timidly.

"Yeah Tara, it's me. Can we talk about what happened?" She moved closer to where she could hear Tara's sniffles.

"Okay," Tara said quietly and a light appeared, a tiny tinkerbell that danced through the air to Willow. She put a hand up and the light curled through her fingers as she wiggled them, the spell they'd created together apparently recognizing her and the redhead smiled softly in spite of her nervousness.

It flew back to Tara a moment later and Willow looked at her in the light, hesitating as she started to walk to her. Tara had her legs pulled up to her chest and was sitting on the floor, her back against the wall. Willow could see the tracks of tears on her face in the dim light, the tinkerbell circling above her. She'd only taken a step when Tara's voice stopped her.

"Willow, wait. I-I-I need to tell you something," Tara said, her voice trembling and it took everything Willow had to stop, lingering just outside the tinkerbell's light.

She could hear Tara take a shaking breath and she braced herself for the heartbreak. "You've done such a good job here Willow, and you're so strong. And…" Tara paused, trying to gather her courage. "…and I can tell that you like me, that you care about me a lot, and I don't want to hurt you, but I'm, I love someone else."

Willow held her breath, wondering if Tara could hear her heart shatter, if Buffy and Xander could hear it on the other side of the farmhouse. She'd been such an idiot, and now she'd lost the only person she needed. "Are you happy?" she asked hoarsely, surprised that she could speak at all.

Tara sucked in a surprised breath. Willow had never been one to beat around the bush and Tara let the breath out slowly. "I think I could be, maybe, someday," she answered as honestly as she could.

"What does that mean?" Willow asked, staring into the flickering light of the spell, not sure if she could watch Tara's face as she described the happiness she'd found with someone else. "You know what, don't answer that," she decided quickly. "I just…will you let me say something? And then I'll leave you alone."

Tara shifted against the wall and Willow could see her head bob. The redhead moved slowly into the light, crouching down in front of her love, and reaching forward to wipe the tears away with her thumbs.

"Are you okay?" Willow asked gently, tilting her head to the side to get a better look at her. Tara nodded wordlessly, looking at her closely for the first time since she'd entered. There was something different about Willow…something had changed.

She recognized the look in her love's green eyes as a mixture of regret, pain, and fear. It took her a moment to realize that the look in her eyes was too much for regret over their single incident and Tara couldn't remain sitting down as she realized the truth. She shot to her feet in a hurry, surprising Willow, who tilted her head back to look up at her in confusion. "Willow?" Tara breathed, tears reappearing in her eyes, a shaking hand covering her mouth.

The redhead stood up slowly. "Yeah, it's me."

"You got your memories back," she said and Willow nodded, uncertain of her lover's reaction. "Thank God," Tara breathed, pulling Willow into a tight hug. Willow smiled against her shoulder, hugging her back just as hard. "I missed you," Tara said quietly, one hand in red hair while the other was around the other girl's waist. "I missed you so much Willow."

The redhead nodded against Tara's shoulder. "I missed you too. I couldn't remember why exactly, but I missed you every day." She didn't move from Tara's arms, not wanting to lose the contact. "We need to talk Tara."

The blonde sighed heavily, not loosening her grip on Willow. "I know, but I'm afraid of what you're going to say and I can't lose you again."

Willow leaned her head sideways against Tara's, her eyes closing. "I'm afraid of what you're going to tell me too Tara." She took a deep breath. "I'll go first, okay?" She pulled back gently, just enough so that she could look the other girl in the eyes.

"I screwed up. I hurt you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Tara. I got so lost, and I lost you along the way. You didn't have to stay here and help me this whole time, but you did and I love you for that. I love you for that, and for any of a million other reasons." She paused, trying to gauge the blonde's reaction. "I don't expect you to love me too, not like it used to be, but I just want you to know that I'm completely, madly in love with you and I always will be, even if you never..." She swallowed as she finished speaking, refusing to let herself babble. "I'm so sorry Tara. I'll do everything to prove that to you. I'm so, so sorry, and I love you so much. I hope you can forgive me someday."

Tara blinked, tears dropping from her eyes and Willow's mouth turned downwards. "I've never been able to bear seeing you cry." She took in a shuddering breath. "I want you to know that whoever it is that you love, she's the luckiest woman alive. I won't stand in your way Tara," she managed to say. She brushed the tears away with the fingers of one hand, eyes widening in surprise as Tara pressed a gentle kiss to her palm as the hand moved over her face. Her lips curled up in a cautious smile as Tara's hand came up to touch her own. "Tara?"

Tara was staring at her and Willow held her breath as she waited for a single move from the other girl. "Willow, you're wrong. You're the one that I love. There's no one else, there could never be anyone else. I just couldn't let you, the you with no memories, I couldn't let it go farther with her when I love _you_." She took a deep breath, her eyes drinking in the sight of Willow, finally whole again. "But things fall apart, they fall apart so hard…"

Green eyes blinked rapidly in surprise, feeling like her heart was going to pound through her chest. "Tara?"

"You can't ever put them back the way they were…you know, it takes time. You just got your memories back, and there's so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides - we have to learn if we're the same people we were, if we can fit in each other's lives, it's a long, important process…"

Willow nodded slowly, knowing that Tara was right, knew that she would do anything Tara asked for any chance to stay a part of her life, even if Tara never took her back. All she knew was that she needed Tara, as a friend if the blonde couldn't trust her enough for them to get back to what they'd had.

"I know," she said, her voice soft and sad, squeezing Tara's hand in hers.

"Can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?" Tara interrupted her before she had a chance to say anything else. There was a pause, Willow's eyes widening and a smile growing on her face before she was leaning in, Tara's arms pulling her in tight, their lips meeting, kissing passionately, hands sliding deep into hair, both thriving in the closeness they'd craved for so long.

It had been less an hour since Willow had kissed her outside, but the interminable months before that had stretched like a tense rubber band, finally snapping with this first real kiss. Neither one wanted to stop touching each other, it had been so long, too long. The need for air eventually overpowered even their powerful desire for each other, and they separated, gasping against each other.

"Willow, I love you so much. I've been waiting for you to come back to me for so long. All these months, they told me not to say anything. They said it would distract you," Tara panted, pausing as Willow laughed, one of her hands finding Willow's, unable to resist touching her, not wanting to be away from her.

"They told me the same thing, sweetie," she said in a rush, squeezing the hand Tara was holding.

The blonde smiled at her, slipping their fingers together. "I forgive you Willow," she said quietly, looking her lover in the eye. "And I love you so much."

"I love you Tara," Willow responded, leaning in close for a kiss, the temptation of Tara's lips too much to deny. Tara happily kissed her back, their arms tight around each other. They didn't react when the lights turned on suddenly, but broke the kiss slowly as they both eventually ran out of air.

Willow opened her eyes slowly, squinting in the sudden brightness and turning her head to face the intruders. Their friends all had grins on their faces as they saw the two witches embracing. "You guys knew I was coming to look for Tara, you _**had**_ to come looking for us now?" she asked, unable to hold back her sarcasm.

Buffy grinned unrepentantly. "Hey, we had no way of know what was going on in here. And you two are making out in the kitchen, it's not a good room to choose if you're trying to keep people from walking in," she advised sagely.

"We'll keep that in mind," Willow commented. "What are you guys doing in here anyway?"

Xander grinned at her. "Not all of us have been making out with pretty girls. Some of us came to England early to surprise their best friend and were expecting some dinner at some point."

Willow blushed at that. "Sorry guys. I didn't mean to blow you off. It's just been a crazy night," she apologized.

Buffy smirked at the pair. "Yeah, well I get the feeling I'm not going to want to be sharing a room with Tara tonight."

"Dawn can stay in my bed, I'll stay in Willow's room," Tara offered hurriedly and Buffy raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"So I guess that means that you two are good?" Buffy asked, her smile turning gentle.

The two witches looked at each other for a moment, both smiling excitedly. "We're better than good," Tara said, her eyes never leaving Willow.

"Great," Buffy said happily, grinning at the witches' distraction.

"Super," Willow agreed, leaning in for a kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

Last update today because tomorrow is Mother's Day in the US so I hope that y'all will be hanging out with your moms!

Hope everyone enjoys the last chapter and I'll edit this in a few minutes with a link to the first chapter of the sequel....

* * *

Neither of the witches noticed as their friends left them alone, finally together again. It was only after they separated, catching their breath, that they noticed that their friends were gone.

Willow stole another quick kiss, leaning her forehead against Tara's as she looked her in the eye, the blue very close to her own green, and so bright. The redhead spoke slowly, not wanting to ruin the moment, but needing to say something. "Tara, I need to tell you something." Her voice was soft and low, and Tara could tell how serious Willow was. She nodded as she pulled back slowly, her heart clenching in fear suddenly. After all this time, she couldn't lose Willow again, not after she'd just gotten her back.

One of Willow's hands cupped Tara's cheek tenderly, her other arm tight around the blonde's waist, holding her close. "I know you said that you forgive me and you want to skip over all that getting to know each other, and figuring out if we fit anymore, but I think that we should take some time…"

Tara sucked in a breath, her lower lip trembling as she tried to choke back her protests. "Willow," she breathed quietly, her eyes sliding over her lover's face. "No…"

Willow abruptly recognized her fear and the hand on Tara's face slid quickly into the back of her hair, pulling her into a kiss, their eyes closing spontaneously as they clung to each other. Willow pulled back only a short distance, finding Tara's eyes.

"Trust me Tara, I don't want to break up. I want to date," she said simply. Tara blinked, trying to figure out what Willow was saying. Willow smiled and it was tinged with bitterness. "You might trust me again, but I don't…not with you." Her fingers moved through the back of Tara's hair. "You're the most important person in the world to me Tara, and I couldn't bear it if I ever hurt you again like I did before." Her eyes begged for Tara's understanding. "I need to prove to myself that I won't mess it up again with you."

Tara blinked, finally nodding as she saw how much Willow needed this. "Okay," she agreed slowly.

Willow's smile was brilliant and she leaned in for another kiss. Tara's hands caught the back of her neck, holding her in the kiss and Willow's knees weakened as Tara's lips and tongue showed her clearly how much she'd been missed. Her arms tightened around Tara to keep herself standing, pulling their bodies together and she whimpered, her resolve to take things slow wavering already.

She managed to squeak Tara's name as the blonde's kisses moved to her neck and Willow's eyes rolled back in her head as Tara pulled her earlobe into her mouth, tugging gently with her teeth. "Tara please," she pleaded, and at that moment she couldn't have said whether she was begging her to stop or to keep going.

Tara relented slowly, leaning her head against Willow's shoulder and breathing hard into her neck. "So you want to go out?" Tara asked, panting.

Willow nodded, though she wanted nothing more at that moment than to press Tara against the wall and return the blonde's passion. "Coffee?" she asked.

Tara lifted her head, a crooked half smile on her face. "You want coffee now? It's getting late." She wrinkled her nose playfully. "And then you'll have coffee breath," she added. "I don't kiss girls with coffee breath."

Willow laughed, squeezing her arms around Tara. "Well, I definitely don't want that then, do I?" she asked teasingly. "I meant, will you go out for coffee with me?" she asked, starting to get her breath back after Tara's kissing onslaught. "Or possibly kisses and gay love?" she added, smirking.

Tara pulled her head up, giving Willow a suddenly shy smile. "I would love to have coffee with you Willow," she said and the redhead grinned gratefully.

They slowly because conscious of the fact that they were pressed very tightly against each other, their faces only inches apart. Willow licked her lips and loosened her grip gently, her fingers finding Tara's quickly.

"Thank you," she said quietly. Tara nodded, letting out a deep breath. Willow glanced around the deserted kitchen, blushing as she realized the display they'd put on in front of their friends. "We should go find the others, let them know it's safe to come get something to eat."

Tara nodded, squeezing Willow's hand. "I have some questions about this dating thing," she said as they left the kitchen, heading naturally towards Giles' room.

Willow gave her a sidelong glance. "Really? I would have thought it would be pretty clear."

Tara shook hear head at the teasing tone in Willow's voice. "Smart ass," she muttered, seeing Willow's grin. "So, since we're dating and getting to know each other again, I'm assuming there won't be any sex," she said, glancing at Willow for confirmation.

Willow pulled them to a stop, her eyes dropping to the floor. "Tara, you know I want you, I just don't want to fall back into bed right away." Her eyes lifted, finding Tara's blue eyes.

"I understand, and I can deal with that," Tara said, biting her lip. "Just tell me we can still kiss," she requested earnestly. "It's been killing me not to be able to kiss you."

Willow was nodding even as Tara spoke, moving closer to her and leaning in to kiss her before she had finished speaking.

They kept it brief, their foreheads leaning against each other as they both basked in simply being together again.

"I have one more question," Tara said, biting her lip as she pulled back to watch Willow for a reaction. "Dawn is staying in my room with Buffy, so could I maybe stay with you?" she asked, quickly continuing. "I promise I won't try anything, but I don't want to be away from you tonight. Please? We can just talk… and snuggle."

Willow nodded, her free hand curling around the back of Tara's neck. "Of course sweetie."

Tara smiled, her eyes sliding closed as Willow leaned against her. "So I guess pet names are still okay, huh baby?" Tara asked, smiling crookedly.

Willow nodded. "I don't want to push for anything you're not comfortable with. You can call me baby, if I'm still your baby."

"You're my everything," Tara affirmed quietly. "And I am, you know…"

Willow blinked back sudden tears. "What?" she breathed.

"Yours," Tara repeated the word, feeling her heart swell with emotion.

Willow leaned into her again, her arms sliding around Tara's waist. "I love you," she said quietly.

Tara's arms curled around Willow's shoulders. "I love you too Willow." She paused. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to hear it."

The redhead kept her head pressed against Tara's shoulder. "I need to hear it, but I'm not convinced I deserve it."

Tara squeezed her tighter. "You deserve it Willow," she said firmly.

Willow laughed quietly. "Then maybe I'm not convinced that I deserve it _yet_," she corrected herself. "I know you're going to argue with me, but just let me work it out for myself Tara, please," Willow requested, finally looking up to meet Tara's eyes.

The blonde sighed but nodded, remaining silent. They resumed walking, holding hands. They could hear Dawn's excited giggles before they could see her and they turned the corner to find the youngest Scooby recounting her flight across the country to Giles.

Buffy and Xander smiled as they saw the pair of witches, standing up and rushing into the hallway to hug their friends. Xander spun Willow around excitedly, lifting the slender girl off her feet in his joy. Buffy and Tara's hug was more sedate, but no less happy.

Willow stumbled as Xander put her down, but Tara's arm was there to stabilize her, the redhead giving her a grateful smile as they switched, Tara swept up in Xander's arms and spun in her turn.

As soon as both witches were free, Dawn lunged, wrapping them both up in her arms and squealing her excited joy. "I _**so**_ love you guys!"

Willow was rubbing at her ear as Dawn released them and she exchanged shy smiles with Tara. Giles was lingering in the background, a peaceful smile on his face as he watched the young people he cared for above any others, finally complete again.

"I'm glad you're back with us Willow. It's been quite difficult without you," he said, unconsciously cleaning his glasses.

She hugged him tightly, burying her face against his sweater vest. "I missed you too Giles," she said. She turned to face her friends, her eyes lingering on each of them. "Thank you all for sticking with me. I know I screwed up big time, and you guys didn't have to come after me like you did."

Xander stepped forward, slinging an arm over her shoulder. "Of course we did Will. You're Willow."

Buffy nodded, her arms crossed over her chest. "I need my Willow, remember?" she said, smiling gently.

Tara stayed silent, but her eyes conveyed the depths of her feeling, words inadequate for capturing what it meant to her to have Willow restored to them. Willow blinked, realizing dimly that she'd been staring at Tara and she squeezed Xander in a sideways hug.

"Have you guys eaten? Because I hear those pesky kids that were in the kitchen kissing have skedaddled," Willow said, cutting her eyes at Tara.

The blonde blushed, her arms crossed in front of her. Xander shook his head excitedly. "Nope, haven't eaten, but Giles, the sneaky former Watcher that we all know and love, has got that covered," he informed the new arrivals. "We were just waiting on you two."

Buffy looped an arm through Tara's as Xander escorted Willow into Giles's room. "We've very relieved that you came up for air before we all starved to death," she teased the pair, laughing as Tara blushed and Willow shot her a disbelieving look over her shoulder.

They were all laughing as they entered Giles' sitting area. Because of his more permanent residence with the coven, his rooms were larger than the ones the Scoobies had been staying in. There was a covered platter on his coffee table and Xander opened it without seeking permission and grinned as he revealed a large ham.

"Giles, I had no idea you were so domestic!" Buffy teased her Watcher, bumping the older man with an elbow as she released Tara, the two witches moving together like magnets, needing to be in contact now that they were no longer being held apart.

Giles swatted his Slayer's hand back from the food. "I am perfectly capable of being domestic Buffy. I just thought since Dawn was coming, that a better meal was called for than reheated leftovers from the kitchen," he said. "And now we have even more to celebrate."

Willow smiled. "Thanks Giles." She grinned at the youngest of them. "I'm glad we got here today Dawnie."

The younger girl grinned, nodding. "I'm glad you're better Willow. Now we can all go home together." She scooped some rice onto her plate, helping herself as Giles started slicing the ham. "And Tara can move out of that stupid dorm."

Tara glanced at Willow, speaking hesitantly. "Actually, I'm staying there. I'm not moving back to the house."

Dawn dropped the spoon from her hand and Giles opened his mouth to protest as rice spilled on his carpet, but thought better of it at the sudden tension in the room.

"Will, are you moving out?" Buffy asked reluctantly, not wanting her best friend to leave, but knowing how important being with Tara was to Willow.

The redhead shook her head, squeezing Tara's hand. "No, I mean, not unless you're throwing me out for what I did, which I totally wouldn't blame you for, by the way…"

Buffy interjected. "No, you've got a home with us as long as you want it Willow, you know that." Her eyes moved to Tara. "So what's going on? You guys seemed big with the love not that long ago."

Willow nodded rapidly. "Oh, we are! There's big, biggest love! We're just taking things slow."

Dawn was still looking distraught, staring at the couple and Tara stepped forward, opening her arms to the younger girl. Dawn pushed her plate into her sister's hands as she threw herself into the witch's arms.

"It's fine Dawnie. I promise," Tara murmured, holding Dawn's head to her shoulder.

"But when will I see you?" the younger Summers asked.

Tara leaned her head against Dawn's dark, straight hair. "I'll be around all the time. It'll be just like I'm still there." Her head pulled back to look Dawn in the eyes. "And you and I will go out for shakes okay, just the two of us…"

Dawn nodded, letting out a deep breath, her eyes lingering on Tara's face before she moved back, taking her plate back from Buffy.

Buffy and Xander exchanged shrugs, not sure how the pair living separately was a good thing, but willing to follow the witches' lead.

They chatted idly as they ate, Dawn filling the others in on a group of nerds that had apparently been harassing Spike while Buffy had been gone. Not that the vampire had gone out of his way to pursue them, but he'd been frustrated as they had put him unwittingly through a battery of tests of his strength and intelligence. Xander filled them in about Anya's latest wedding decisions, the wedding date approaching quickly.

They could tell when Giles poured himself a drink that it was time they left for the night, and they trooped down the dark hallways towards their rooms. Xander stopped at his door, waving goodnight as the girls continued down the hall.

Willow paused outside of her own door, Tara lingering at her side and Buffy turned at the doorway to her room, realizing suddenly that their sleeping arrangements might be awkward given the witches' revelations about taking their renewed relationship slowly. The Slayer let her sister into her room, taking several steps back toward the witches.

"Is this going to work for you guys? I can get Dawn to bunk somewhere else," she offered, trying to help.

Tara blushed, but shook her head, squeezing Willow's hand. "It's fine Buffy. I need to be near Willow tonight."

The Slayer nodded, giving both of them a relieved smile. "I'm happy for you two."

"Thanks Buffy," Tara said. "I couldn't have made it through this without you."

Buffy shrugged self deprecatingly. "Not a problem Tara. Any time." She turned back to her room, closing the door firmly behind her and leaving the witches alone in the hallway.

Willow opened her door with shaking fingers, suddenly nervous. She took a long step into the room, giving Tara room to come in behind her. Willow heard the door click closed and she let out a deep, shuddering breath. She couldn't stop herself from jumping as Tara's arms slid around her waist from behind, the blonde's chin settling on her shoulder.

"There's nothing to be nervous about Willow," Tara breathed, and Willow's eyes fluttered closed, her body stiff against Tara.

She swallowed thickly. "I know. I don't know why I'm nervous." She held one trembling hand up at eye level in demonstration, stuttered laughter making its way from her throat.

"Shh," Tara soothed her, her thumbs stroking slow circles on the fabric of Willow's shirt. "Nothing's going to happen. Tonight I just need you to hold me," she said, her voice low and soft. "Can you do that for me?" she asked.

Willow nodded, her hand coming down to meet Tara's at her waist. "Anything for you Tara."

"That's my girl," Tara breathed, leaning her head against the freckled column of Willow's neck.

Willow giggled after a moment and Tara smiled. "That tickles," Willow said, squirming in her arms as Tara deliberately moved her head against Willow's neck, brushing her hair over the sensitive skin. Willow seemed to realize that she was pressed against Tara at the same moment Tara did and the blonde let her go slowly. "I'll just go…change," Willow said, pointing towards the bathroom.

Tara noticed that their friends had taken the liberty of moving her bag into Willow's room at some point during the evening and she felt a measure of relief that there would be no awkward clothing fiascos. She changed quickly, joining Willow in the bathroom to brush her teeth, knocking first to make sure that it was all clear.

They moved around each other easily in the cramped space, both surprised how easily sharing with each other was coming back to them. Willow finished getting ready for bed and left the bathroom in silence. Tara clicked the lights off, leaving herself stranded in darkness and not quite sure where the bed was in the unfamiliar room.

"Willow? I can't see…" she said and the bedside lamp clicked on a second later.

Willow was already in bed and Tara walked the distance separating them at a slow pace, beginning to feel Willow's nervousness herself.

She slipped under the covers, but made no move to get any closer to the bed's other occupant.

"Want me to leave the light on?" Willow asked softly.

Tara blinked, shaking her head. "You can turn it off," she said. There was a click and they were plunged back into darkness. There was a moment of silence, neither woman moving, and Tara let out a deep breath. "This is ridiculous," she said, sliding toward the middle of the bed. "Come here," she prompted and she heard Willow's breath catch as she moved into Tara's waiting arms.

The blonde wrapped her arms snugly around her lover, squirming closer. Willow's head found its place on Tara's shoulder, and it was if no time had passed between them.

"I never thought I would feel this again," Willow breathed, her arm curling over Tara's waist.

Tara nodded, her head leaning against Willow's. "Me neither." She hesitated momentarily. "I know we're taking it slow, but if you ever want to stay, at the dorm, with me, just to sleep…"

Willow nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, and if you ever want to stay at the house with me, you know that would make Dawn's day."

Tara sighed in relief. "I really missed you Willow."

"I missed you too Tara." Her head moved and Tara felt Willow's lips press a soft kiss under her jaw. "Thanks for waiting on me."

"Forever Willow. I'd have waited forever for you," Tara breathed, her arms tightening compulsively around Willow as they lay together, breathing deep and slowly easing months of tension and loneliness.

There was no talking for a long time, just quiet breathing and the comfort of holding each other. Willow was the first to break the silence and Tara was oddly comforted by how familiar it was to have the redhead take the lead, even as she felt herself grow suddenly nervous, unsure of what to expect.

"Can we talk?" Willow asked, her voice hesitant.

Tara nodded in the dark, pressing a kiss to Willow's hair. "I'd like that," she murmured, not sure if that was really true, but knowing that she'd missed talking to Willow, freely and without reservation, without having to hide, almost as much as she'd missed kissing her and being able to hold her. "It was hard to talk to you, the other you, the one that didn't remember me," Tara confessed. "I mean, it was you, but it wasn't, and you liked me, but you didn't know why, and there was so much I wanted to say, and so much they told me I couldn't say."

Willow's eyes trailed over the ceiling, seeing the light of the moon on the wall above them. "Did you love her? The other me, I mean," she asked, her fingers trailing idly up and down the inside of Tara's wrist.

There was a moment of silence as Tara considered the question, the long months she'd spent getting to know the amnesiac Willow, so different from the woman lying in her arms, but still so similar. "I love _you _Willow. Without your memories, you were still you, and the reminders were almost painful a lot of the time, but the little things that I love about you weren't there. It wasn't the same."

"But you did feel something for her?" Willow asked, her voice soft.

Tara shrugged uncertainly. "She was you Willow, of course I felt something. Loving you is not something I can just turn off, it's every time my heart beats, every time I take a breath. Mostly though, I just wanted her to look at me the way that you do. She looked like you, acted like you, but one look in her eyes and I knew it wasn't you. Your eyes, when you look at me, I'm beautiful and strong and I know that I'm everything you want. She wanted me, I could see it, but it wasn't the same as how you want me. I did feel something for her, but I couldn't love her though, not how she wanted, because I love you. I was doing everything, the only thing, I thought I could do. She was the only way I could find to get you back." Her arm squeezed around Willow unconsciously. "Not that I did all of this to get you back, you know, us back together, not that I'm not so grateful that we are back together, I just need you in the world, whole and healthy, even if you aren't with me."

Willow was sure she'd never heard Tara say so much at once, and the magnitude of her words were beyond belief. After everything that she'd done to everyone, and every way that she'd hurt her, this woman still loved her. She knew that it had been said, and not even that long ago, but the reality was still slowly sinking in.

Willow leaned up on one elbow suddenly, Tara's arm keeping her close. The redhead looked down into her lover's face, felt her emotions rising to choke her and she couldn't find words to describe how she felt, even if her throat had been capable of producing the sounds to convey them. Tara seemed to sense her struggle and the blonde leaned her head up, meeting Willow's lips gently, letting their lips speak without speaking.

The kiss was slow and gentle, the wild passion from earlier still present, but restrained. Willow felt Tara's hand on her cheek, holding her into the kiss. She didn't realize that she was crying until Tara's fingers wiped the tears away, and the blonde pulled back slowly, tender concern on her face.

"Willow, what is it?" she asked softly. Willow could only shake her head, too overcome to speak. The tears came faster and Tara sat up quickly, pulling Willow into her arms, rocking her gently and murmuring quiet reassurance to her. "I'm right here baby. I'm with you and I love you."

Willow curled closer to her body, Tara welcoming the move and holding her close. The redhead's sobs were broken up by hiccups and stuttered attempts at speech. It took Tara a few moments to piece together the words and her heart clenched as she heard Willow's broken, crying apology.

"I'm so sorry, Tara, I'm so sorry," Willow said, chanting the mantra as she wept. "I didn't mean to, I never wanted to hurt you, I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I'm so sorry."

Tara kept rocking her slowly, hushing her gently and murmuring assurances into her ear. "It's okay Willow. I'm here, everything is okay. I've got you."

It took the redhead a long while to calm down, but Tara didn't stop talking to her, rocking them gently as her quiet voice soothed her. Willow's head rose gradually, still sniffling and Tara brushed her tears away with soft fingers.

"Want me to go get you a tissue?" she asked gently, pressing a kiss to Willow's temple.

Willow shook her head, swallowing thickly. "No, please just stay with me," she requested.

Tara nodded, leaning her forehead against Willow's hair. "I'm not leaving. Not ever again Willow," she stated, and the words were a promise.

They took comfort in each other, the atmosphere slowly calming down after Willow's frantic tears and apology. They were still sitting up, Willow curled as close to Tara as she could get, but she was sure Tara's back had to be hurting from holding them upright.

"Want to lay back down?" the redhead murmured, already lifting the covers so that they could slip back down under them.

Their eyes met as they faced each other again, both on their sides under the blankets. Tara's hand slid over Willow's cheek, her eyes tracing over her lover's familiar features in the darkness.

"Can I ask you something?" Tara asked, not sure she really wanted to know the answer to her question, part of her hoping that Willow would insist that they get some sleep.

The redhead nodded, biting her lip. "You can ask me anything Tara. I'll never lie to you again, I promise."

Tara nodded back at her, smiling reassuringly. "I know that Willow. I'm just…nervous…about what you're going to say," she confessed.

Willow didn't speak, just waited for Tara to ask her question, not sure what it would be, but resolved to be honest, no matter what.

Tara took a deep breath, holding it before she spoke again. "How much do you remember about what happened at Rack's, and when we first got here, before you woke up? Anything?"

Willow frowned in thought, trying to remember. A lot of it was hazy, but she concentrated, trying to think. Obviously something that had happened had freaked Tara out. Willow sighed to herself. Of course, seeing the person you love pinned to a ceiling screaming could have that affect on people, Willow mused.

"It's all kind of fuzzy," Willow said. "Maybe I can walk myself through it and I'll remember something. Is there…did I do something specific that I should be apologizing for?" she asked cautiously, hoping that the question wouldn't ruin everything.

Tara hesitated, shrugging against the sheets. "It's nothing, never mind," she said, not sure if she wanted the truth about how much Willow remembered.

"No," Willow cut her off. "I did something and it's got you freaked out. We need to deal with it," Willow stated firmly, resolved to fix everything she could between herself and Tara. "What did I do?"

Tara licked her lips, trying to think of where to begin. "It was after we got here, when the coven had you sedated… you were…you talked to me, told me something…" Her voice trailed off, wondering if Willow remembered any of it, if she was just dragging up things that would hurt them both.

"Okay, hang on," Willow interjected, her eyes closing as she tried to think. "I remember Rack's, I couldn't see you, but I heard you all come in. I heard Buffy and Rack, and you…" Her eyes snapped open, one hand finding Tara's cheek. "I'm so sorry you saw me like that. I never wanted to make you cry like that. I'm so sorry Tara."

Tara blinked back tears, shaking her head against her pillow. "It's okay Willow. You're back now."

"I'll never do it again. You'll never have a reason to cry like that again," Willow promised fervently. "I swear to you."

Tara hushed her gently, nodding. "I know sweetie. It's okay."

"So, you guys got me down, and took me to the hospital?" the redhead asked, trying to piece together those foggy hours. "Did I do anything there?"

"No, you were calm as long as I was touching you, but you didn't do anything. It was like you were sleeping, or unconscious or something."

"Oh yeah," Willow remembered slowly. "You were talking to me, you told me you loved me."

"You could hear me?" Tara asked, blushing in the dark. "We didn't know if you could hear us, but I needed you to know."

Willow nodded, moving closer to Tara, bringing their foreheads together. "I heard you baby. Thank you." They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment, Willow's hand brushing lightly over Tara's cheek, feeling the warmth of her blush.

"Well, then we got you here and the dark magic made it so no one could touch you, but you weren't screaming anymore. They came up with the memory blocking idea, but we were all hesitant. None of us wanted to do it," Tara continued quickly, forcing herself to speak before she lost her nerve.

"It doesn't seem like something you guys would have chosen to do," she commented. "What changed your mind?" Willow asked, sensing that they were getting closer to the reason for Tara's reluctance.

The blonde sighed, staring into Willow's eyes. "You did." Willow looked surprised and Tara continued slowly. "When you were sedated, you-you talked to me. Well, the first time you screamed it, and then you talked to me a few nights later," she corrected herself, searching Willow's face carefully. "You don't remember?" she asked hesitantly.

Willow shook her head wordlessly. "Oh God baby, what did I say? Whatever it was, I swear I didn't mean it…unless I said that I love you, because of course I meant that!"

There were tears in Tara's eyes now, a fluttering of her eyelashes sending them down her cheeks. "You told me to kill you Willow…to let the coven kill you."

Willow's breath rushed in as she remembered suddenly - the painful, torturing darkness she'd lingered in for what felt like years, her slow struggle to the surface, overcoming the magical knockout the coven had put her under, her whispered conversation with Tara, saying goodbye.

Tara heard Willow suck in a breath in surprise but couldn't have been more surprised herself when Willow pulled away from her, leaning back, one hand scrabbling in the dark. There was a soft click and the bedside lamp came on, the light causing Tara to wince as she unwittingly looked straight into the bulb.

"Will, what?" she asked, shielding her eyes.

Willow pulled Tara's hand down gently, leaning herself up on one elbow. "I needed you to be able to see my face. Tara, the _last _thing I would ever want to do is leave you," she said earnestly.

"So that wasn't you telling me to do it?" Tara asked.

Willow let out a deep breath. "No, Tara, it was me, but it was a mistake. I was weak, it hurt so much and I just wanted it to stop. I had lost you, lost Buffy and Dawn, Xander, Giles, lost everything in my life that meant anything to me. I did it all to myself, I'm not trying to blame anyone but me." Her eyes met Tara's in the dim light. "So, at that moment, yes, I did want to die."

"But not anymore?" Tara questioned, her voice soft and sad.

Willow shook her head fervently. "No! All I want now is to make everything up to you, up to everyone. I screwed up Tara, I screwed everything up, and I just want to make it okay again. I want you back! I want my family back. I'll do whatever it takes to have everyone trust me again."

Tara could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she extended an arm, finding Willow's shoulder and pulling her into herself. It was closer contact than they'd had before, Tara's head burrowing into Willow's chest, arms tight around each other.

It was Willow's turn to provide comfort as Tara trembled against her. "You wanted to leave me, you told me to let you die," the blonde choked out, her hands tight in the fabric of Willow's shirt.

There was no denying it, and Willow nodded against her shaking lover. "I'm so sorry Tara. I was weak. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I never should have said that, no matter how much it hurt. Baby, you mean everything to me. I love you so much Tara, and I swear I'll never leave you again."

Tara clung to her, nodding against Willow's chest. "You'd better not," she said firmly, her voice shaking.

Willow shook her head. "Never," she stated solemnly. She held Tara close against her, breathing in the scent of her beloved's hair, realizing suddenly how close she'd come to losing all of this, permanently. Her eyes closed and she pulled Tara impossibly closer, letting out a shaky breath. They calmed down after a while and Willow spoke again. "While I'm apologizing, is there anything else I did that I should know about?"

Tara hiccupped a laugh, shaking her head. "No, nothing else I can think of," she told her.

Willow let out a breath of relief, turning onto her back and pulling Tara with her so that the blonde's head was on her chest. "Sleepy baby?"

Tara nodded, squirming her face closer to Willow's neck. "Yes, but I don't want to sleep. I can't wake up another morning without you."

Willow pressed a kiss against her hair. "This isn't a dream Tara. I'm right here."

"And going nowhere," Tara reminded her, arms squeezing her.

They lay in silence, both dealing with the questions they'd asked and the answers they'd given. Willow leaned her chin down sharply to look at her as Tara laughed quietly. "What is it?" she asked, her own voice sleepy now.

"I was just wondering something," Tara said, tilting her head back to look up at her. "Why did you ask me to teach you to dance?"

Willow giggled, blushing in remembrance. "That was before we were admitting that we were crazy about each other, remember?" she asked. Tara nodded quietly. "I figured that was as good an excuse as any to get to put my arms around you. Can you blame me? I mean, you've only gotten more gorgeous since we met, and I was thinking about you all the time, and I couldn't wrap my head around feeling that way about a girl, but I couldn't just sit around and do nothing."

Tara laughed. "But why dancing? You're a genius and you couldn't come up with anything else?"

Willow blushed. "It's kind of embarrassing, but I had this daydream about going dancing with you somewhere really fancy and nice, and it sort of got stuck in my head, and I didn't even know how to dance like that, so I asked you to teach me."

Tara blinked up at her. "That's so sweet baby," she breathed, leaning up for a kiss which Willow happily provided.

Willow sighed against her lips as they separated. "I know I'm a few years late, but would you want to go dancing sometime? We could go to L.A., get a hotel room, make a weekend of it," she proposed.

Tara smiled giddily, nodding as she kissed her again quickly. Willow kept her close and they kissed again softly, taking their time and knowing that they had the rest of their lives - to make up, to kiss, to dance, to do anything they wanted - together.


End file.
